Away From the Sun
by Instructor Quistis
Summary: When Draco is faced with his own choice for the future, he choses a difficult path. Falling in love with an unlikely person and defying his fahter completely. Will there be a Happily Ever After? Please RR, I love feedback.
1. Ticket to Heaven

_**Away From the Sun**_

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, I'm just a spoony Bard.

Warning! Spoilers for books 1-5. I am going to pretend that anything that happens **_Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince_** , witch comes out on July 16 (YEA!) , hasn't happened, so don't kick me if something really cool happens in the book and I make no mention of it.

Warning 2! This is gonna be yaoi, that's boys loving boys, so if you don't like the idea of Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter snogging senseless, don't read, and piss off if ya feel the need to flame me for such.

**Chapter one**

**Ticket to Heaven**

Draco's POV

I held the small piece of parchment in a clenched fist as I re-read it for what must have been the hundredth time that day.

**You Have to Lie in the Bed that You Make.**

Even the way he'd given it to me made my head reel in confusion. I growled and paced across my bedroom floor at Malfoy Manor even faster.

_I'm walking a wire_

_Feels like a thousand ways I could fall._

I'd been sitting in the private study Father set up for me to practice the dark arts. I'm expected to join the Death Eaters on my next birthday. One year from that very day. It was my 'birthday' present.

Yes, I hate muggles and muggle-born Mudbloods. Yes, I think I hate Harry Potter. Yes, Father is one of the Dark Lord's most loyal servants. Yes, I'm an evil bastard who loves to torment anyone weaker than me.

No, I don't want to join the ranks of some deranged psycho with delusions of grandeur. No, I don't believe the mass murder of muggles and muggle-born is the way to win power. No, I don't think I hate Harry Potter.

Happy Birthday Draco, in one year you are going to be the he-bitch of the Dark Lord, and yes, you will be degraded in the most humiliating ways.

I was thinking about all this, what it all meant. After, if Voldemort was captured, killed, whatever, I would be shipped off to Azakaban faster than I could sneeze. If Voldemort won, I had a lifetime of being nothing but a pawn to a tripped out snake-looking bastard. I have nothing to look for.

_To want is to buy _

_But to live is to die _

_And you can't take it all._

Then he appeared in front of the fireplace. Harry-fucking-Potter was standing in front of me covered in soot from using the Floo Network. His face was flushed, he was shaking, and in his hand he held a small slip of parchment.

"Draco-" he started, and I quickly interrupted him, slipping so easily into the Malfoy façade.

"Well Potter, when did I become 'Draco?" I smirked at him.

"I don't have time Draco." He stepped forward. I refused to budge and inch for him and it wasn't long before he was so close I could feel his breath on my face.

"What do you want then Potter." I wasn't asking. A Malfoy never fucking asks.

_When everything is said and done I won't have one thing left._

_What happened to everything I've ever known?_

"I came here to give you your ticket to Heaven."

Before I could shoot back with some asshole remark, his lips were on mine, he shoved the tiny slip of parchment into my hands, and was gone into the fireplace whispering "the Burrow" as he went.

It took me a moment to realize what he'd said. I was furious that he'd had the fucking balls to kiss me. ME! What in the fucking name of Merlin makes him think he can-

As I clenched my fists in fury, the parchment crinkled. Still dumbfounded and pissed I opened my hand and looked at my 'ticket' to heaven. As I unfolded it, handwriting that I think is safe to assume is Potter's, was one line.

**You Have to Lie in the Bed that You Make.**

'_Cause all they gave me was this ticket to heaven._

_But that ticket to heaven says to lie in the bed that you make._

_Now I'm restless and I'm running from everything. _

_I'm afraid it's a little too late…_

That was four days ago. I don't know what it's supposed to fucking _mean_. Why now? Why did he show up now? Why did he kiss me? What is he trying to warn me about? I'm well fucking aware of the consequences of this war. People are going to die. People are going to be imprisoned. People are going to lose the one's they care about.

Everyone is going to lose something. It doesn't matter how often the snake-like voice of Voldemort assures his army that their families are protected, as long as they serve him.

Lies, all of them. There's no honor in that- that _thing_ that calls himself Lord Voldemort. I've been witness to his lies. The Malfoy dungeons are still used, contrary to Ministry belief.

_Soft voices lie, _

_innocents die _

_Now ain't that a shame _

Yes, regardless of who I am, the Malfoy heir, I won't get to have any dreams of my future. The King of the Death Eaters will take care of that. The family fortune will be given over to his cause the moment I am inducted into their fucked up little cult of power-hungry pureblood wizards.

Isn't it nice to know your whole life is set out for you? These past four days I've had this feeling in the back of my mind that this is how Potter spent his entire life. That none of it matters because I don't have a choice. It's already been chosen for me. I don't get a choice.

_And all your dreams, _

_And all your money _

_They don't mean a thing _

_When everything is said and done, you won't have one thing left _

_What happened to everything that I ever known?_

The incident with Potter was still fresh in my mind. This piece of parchment was supposed to be my ticket to heaven, to salvation. But what salvation can Harry Potter give Draco Malfoy? It's not like he can take away the initiation day, my induction to the Death Eaters. It's not like he can make it all okay. It's not going to fucking be okay. It's all wrong. I was raised not to take shit from anyone. Not to take orders. Not to bow down to anyone.

Throw away everything you've ever known Draco, in one year you're going to be a mindless drone for the Dark Lord. Unless….

_All they gave me was this ticket to heaven, _

_that ticket to heaven, said to lie in the bed that you make _

_Now I'm restless and I'm running from everything_

_I'm afraid it's a little too late _

Unless that's exactly what Harry was offering me. Salvation. A way out. I didn't understand how he could do this though. I have never been anything but the worlds biggest asshole to him and he's still reaching out his hand.

I have to lie in the bed that I make.

I have to choose. I have to make my own destiny. I have to be the Malfoy heir I was raised to be. I have to rise above Father's unhealthy obsession with Voldemort. Or else I'm no better. I have to find out why Harry kissed me.

I hope that he really is reaching out to me. I hope that someone doesn't think it's too late to save the soul of a Slytherin. All he gave me was this slip of parchment with the words: You have to lie in the bed that you make.

All I have to do if figure out what I want to do with my ticket.

_All he gave me was this ticket to heaven, _

_That ticket to heaven, said to lie in the bed that you make _

_Now I'm restless and I'm running from everything,_

_I'm afraid it's a little too late _

I turned and continued pacing across my bedroom.

A/N: okay people, this is my first ever Harry Potter fan fic, and I really would appreciate some reviews. If I don't get any I will assume that this story is complete crap and not continue. I do have a plan for almost the entire Away from the Sun album so… feedback is appreciated (me starving college student, give me reviews to munch on!)

And duh! If you haven't figured it out, the song is not mine either it belongs to the wonderful group 3 Doors Down and is titled 'Ticket to Heaven'


	2. Changes

_**Away From the Sun**_

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, I'm just a spoony Bard.

Warning! Spoilers for books 1-5. I am going to pretend that anything that happens _Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince_ , witch comes out on July 16 (YEA!) , hasn't happened, so don't kick me if something really cool happens in the book and I make no mention of it.

Warning 2! This is gonna be yaoi, that's boys loving boys, so if you don't like the idea of Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter snogging senseless, don't read, and piss off if ya feel the need to flame me for such.

**Chapter Two**

**Changes**

Draco's POV

The rage inside me grew. I'm so fucking confused and frustrated and I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I'm supposed to be Draco Malfoy. Arrogant, strong, stuck-up, Draco-fucking-Malfoy. I'm supposed to know what the hell I'm doing.

It's all Potter's fault. If he hadn't shown up with that stupid 'ticket to heaven' bullshit, I wouldn't be pacing back and forth so damn fast across my bedroom floor that my robes swished around me in a very Snape-like way.

_I'm not supposed to be scared of anything, _

_But I don't know where I am _

I want out of here. If I could leave the manor for a day without my family tagging along, stop thinking things like that Draco. Father's been furious with me since I questioned his decision of next year's 'birthday gift'. Won't let me out of his sight unless I'm in my room. I had asked him what would happen if I disagreed with the Dark Lord's methods. What would happen if I asked not to join. He'd looked down at me and sneered. Told me that I was going to do as I told. I may be seventeen now, and of age in the wizarding world, but I was still his son and I would do as I was told. Or else…

_I wish that I could move_

_But I'm exhausted and nobody understands_

_(How I feel) _

Since Potter had shown up in my study with that stupid ticket, things weigh heavy on my mind. I'm fucking tired. The clock on the wall chimed. Glancing at it I sighed. It's late. Or early, depending on which side of the sunrise you look at.

These heavy thoughts on my mind. Dare I defy Father and refuse to join the Death Eaters? Dare I hope that Harry Potter and his pathetic Weasel and Mudblood sidekicks would welcome me with at least no more than a few minor complaints?

_I'm trying hard to breathe now_

_But there's no air in my lungs _

_There's no one here to talk to _

_And the pain inside is making me numb _

Everything's moving so fast in my head that it hurts. I can't focus on anything. Father's been getting frustrated that my work with the Dark Arts is behind. He fully expected me to be able to perform both the Crutacious curse and the Imperius curse fully by now.

Casting them still makes me sick. I can't even do them properly yet. I've been practicing on house elves. It hurts inside. Father says it'll pass. I'll stop feeling like this when I cast them right.

There's no one here I can even discuss the idea of not becoming a Death Eater with. There's no one. I can't owl Pansy, Crabbe, or Goyle. They've already heard my thoughts on the subject. They said that I was a traitor to wizard kind for not wanting to join the 'Great Pureblood Leader'.

_I try to hold this _

_Under control _

_They can't help me_

_Cause no one knows_

I'm going to have to talk to him. Harry. Fucking hell, I can't even decide if I hate him or not. There's something happening inside of me. Like there's finally someone holding onto a rope, peering down into the dark place I dug for myself, waiting for me to grab on so I can finally be fucking free.

I'm not the same Draco Malfoy who threatened Harry on the train ride home fifth year and I'm not the same Draco Malfoy who hexed, jinxed, taunted, and tormented Harry all throughout sixth year.

Maybe it happened when Father told me about my initiation. Maybe it happened when Harry Potter flooed into my study and turned my entire fucking world upside down by offering me…?

_Now I'm going through changes, changes _

_God, I feel so frustrated lately _

_When I get suffocated, save me _

Maybe this is more of his stupid 'save everyone' shit. Maybe he doesn't give a damn about me and just doesn't want another person to die. Maybe he thinks I'm better at him with magic and he doesn't want to have to fight me. Maybe he actually does give a flying fuck about the Slytherin who made his whole life at Hogwarts a living hell. Maybe, maybe he dares to love me. Dare I love him in return? Dare I hope that he gives a shit? Dare I hope at all?

None of it fucking matters though. He offered his hand to me for some reason or another and I think I'd be stupid not to take it.

_I'm feeling weak and weary _

_Walking through this world alone _

_Everything you say, _

_Every word of it, cuts me to the bone _

_(And I bleed)_

With the way Father is, I can't tell him if I decide to go against his wishes. It's not like I can take him in a fight. It's not like I could dare try. I want to scream sometimes I'm so fucking confused. If I follow Father, I will give him the honor of having a son he can be proud of. I will be his idea of the perfect Malfoy heir. I'll please Mother by doing what Father wants.

If I follow Harry I can kiss my inheritance goodbye. I can kiss being a Malfoy goodbye. I can kiss my whole fucking world goodbye.

There's no one I trust enough to talk to. My head is reeling to fast with everything. With Harry, Father, Mother, Voldemort, the rest of the Golden Trio, all of the Slytherin House, my friends.

I haven't slept in a week. Not since the night Harry showed up in my study. Not since my world was wrenched in two. I used to think things would be so damn easy. I'm a rich son of a rich man, with a family name so old that you could damn near about trace it back to the fucking monkeys.

I can't breathe, I feel like the air here is chocking me.

_'I've got something to say,_

_But now I've got no where to turn _

_It feels like I've been buried underneath _

_All the weight of the world _

There's no way to stay neutral in this war. You're either with Harry and Dumbledore and the rest of the Order of the Phoenix, or you're with Voldemort and the Death Eaters. There's no gray in this war. It's all black and white.

The lines have been clearly drawn, and if I join either side I'm fighting for something I don't fully believe in. The choice before me is which of them do I choose?

Can I be the good guy and fight at Harry's side? Can I be the completely evil bastard and fight with the Death Eaters and become Lord Voldemort's personal little bitch?

_Now I'm going through changes, changes _

_God, I feel so frustrated lately _

_When I get suffocated, save me _

The air is cocking me here. I'm bound by Father's rules and the job of upholding the Malfoy name. It means Bad Faith in French, and we do have a bad faith. Faith in some whacked-out nut job whose only goal is to destroy the one person who might have held their hand out to me in assistance and meant it.

I want to choose to fight with the Order. I want to defy Father and make my own path. I want to find out if everything I'm going through can make me a strong enough person to stand on my own.

_I'm blind and shakin' _

_Bound and breaking _

_I hope I make it through all these changes _

I've been pacing for hours. It's nearly dawn and the sky is starting to turn pink outside my bedroom window. I pause in my never-ending path and stare at the sky. A new day. Aren't new days supposed to give you new inspiration and hope?

I feel like I'm sinking. I'm caught between a fucking rock and a hard place here. Gotta pick a side. Gotta decide my future. Gotta decide if who I've become coincided with who I was supposed to be.

They say that which does not kill you only makes you stronger. Shit, with all the things that haven't killed me, Voldemort, Father, Harry, that hippogriff, Weasley, Quittitch, I should be strong enough to do anything.

But I'm not.

_Now I'm going through changes, changes _

_God, I feel so frustrated lately _

_When I get suffocated, save me _

_Now I'm falling apart, now I feel it_

_Mother's calling me for breakfast. I plaster on my best 'Good Morning' smile and glance in the mirror. I look like shit. I haven't slept in a week and it shows. Great, Mother's going to fuss over me._

I run my fingers through my hair to attempt to straighten it, but I've been fucking with it all night and it's a tangled mess.

Sighing, I sraighten my robes as well, and open my bedroom door to face the world with a lying smile on my face.

_God, I feel so frustrated lately _

_When I get suffocated, _

_Hate this but I'm going through changes, changes _

Two weeks. That's how long I have to wait before I can confront Harry. Two weeks till September first. Two weeks.

A/N: Wow, I'm like uber inspired right now so…. Yeah, we'll see how fast I get the next one done. Right now I'm waiting for FFN to get straightened out as it won't let me log in! pouts anyhow, still want feedback, (that means reviews) so please if you love the story, or just me (aren't I arrogant?) leave me a review!

BTW, the song here is 'Changes' By 3 Doors Down.


	3. Going Down In Flames

_**Away From the Sun**_

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, I'm just a spoony Bard.

Warning! Spoilers for books 1-5. I am going to pretend that anything that happens _Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince_ , witch comes out on July 16 (YEA!) , hasn't happened, so don't kick me if something really cool happens in the book and I make no mention of it.

Warning 2! This is gonna be yaoi, that's boys loving boys, so if you don't like the idea of Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter snogging senseless, don't read, and piss off if ya feel the need to flame me for such.

**Chapter Three**

**Going Down in Flames**

I Kissed Mother goodbye and nodded to Father. I watched out of the corner of my eye as the entire Weasley family, along with Harry and the Mudblood, entered the platform.

"Draco, I expect you to do well this year." My father said sternly. He wasn't just meaning the N.E.W.T.s, he wanted me to start early with my induction. Expected me to ask for it by the Christmas Holidays.

"I expect I shall Father. I think this will be the year I finally beat Potter at Quittitch." I smiled. "And I expect I'll do excellent on my N.E.W.T.s."

"I expect you shall." My answer seemed to please him.

I listened to Mother fuss for a few moments before I kissed her again and climbed aboard the train.

I waited until I knew that the Weasel and Mudblood had their Prefect Duties. Hell, I was supposed to be doing mine. But I hunted down Harry instead. I had questions and he had answers.

"What the fuck is the meaning of this." Was my greeting as I opened the door to the compartment I knew Potter occupied.

He wasn't alone though. Longbottom, the little Weasley girl, and that Loony girl were with him. All eyes were on me.

"Piss off Malfoy. We have better things to do than listen to you bitch the whole way to school." Longbottom was growing a set huh?

I choose to ignore him. I had more important things to talk about. Longbottom and the Loony girl returned to reading a copy of that trash magazine _The Quibbler_.

"Potter." I specified. "What is the meaning of this?" I held out the tiny piece of parchment that had obviously seen better days. Three weeks of my constant handling of it didn't help it. The ink was smeared and the paper torn.

Harry looked around to the others in the compartment. An uncomfortable silence was growing in the tiny space.

"I need to use the girl's room." The little Weasley said. "Luna?"

Luna, not Loony, glanced up. "I-" she seemed to catch a look on the younger girl's face. "-actually yes." The girls left quickly leaving me with Longbottom and Harry.

As the girls were leaving, I spotted a large toad in the hallway. "Longbottom, you really should keep a better eye on your pet. Someone's likely to use him as a potion ingredient if you're not careful." I leaned in the doorframe with a smirk on my face as Neville ran into the hallway to chase down his toad, which was now hopping towards the Slytherin compartments.

At last I was alone with him. I had a few things I wanted to say to him.

_Don't tell me what to think _

_Cause I don't care this time _

"Potter."

"Draco."

"So I'm still 'Draco'?" I smirked, then mentally kicked myself. I did not come here to exchange insults and idle chit-chat.

"Yeah." He said softly. He glanced at my hand that still held my 'ticket'. "You-"

"Oh no Potter, I get to have my say this time. Last time you Flooed into my study and turned everything I've ever known upside down."

"I didn't-" he started again. Damn, Potter, he never could let anyone finish what they were saying, always gotta be interrupting.

"I thought I said I got to go first." I slammed the door to the compartment shut. "You Flooed into my study, kissed me, gave me this-" here I tossed him the worse for wear ticket to heaven. "-Tell me nothing but what it's supposed to be. Leave me shocked, confused, and dragging my already exhausted mind through the same old bullshit that's tormented me all fucking summer. You owe me an explanation. What the fuck is this?"

He looked down at his shoes, which I noticed were worn and falling apart. He wore a pair of big blue denim pants, held on his waist by a rope, and a shirt three sizes too big and full of holes. Muggles dress very odd, I thought as I waited for him to open his mouth and tell me what the fuck he was up to.

"I- don't know. I heard something from-someone." he looked up at me.

"And what was that." I folded my arms. He's not answering my question the way I wanted him to.

"Thatyou'regoingtojointheDeathEatersonyournextbirthday." it was said all in one breath.

How did he know? No one knew except the people who were already Death Eaters and Pansy, Crabbe, and Goyle. None of those people would ever tell Potter. He knew. He knew and he was apparently offering me a way out.

"So you hear that I'm supposed to become Death Eater on my next birthday and take it upon yourself to appear in my study and tell me that I have ticket to heaven?"

Harry nodded.

"Why?" I ask, before I can stop myself.

"Because I know you're better than that Draco. Because I don't think you're really evil, a bastard who needs to have his ass kicked, but not evil. Because there's something-" he stopped talking. I sat across from him, taking the space Longbottom had occupied.

"And you kissed me."

_Don't tell me what you believe _

_Cause you won't be there _

_To catch me when I fall_

Maybe I shouldn't have brought that part of our previous meeting up. We've been sitting here in silence or five minutes.

"So that's it? You don't think I'm evil. But that's it. Well that's fucking nice to know."

There aren't any answers here. He has nothing to give me. He's only offering a hand because he thinks I'm 'better that that'. Whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean. There was no reason to hope. There's still nothing for me.

"Well next time don't bother Potter. Whether I become a Death Eater or not isn't your concern." I stood, made my way to the compartment door and opened it. "I hope you miss me when I go."

**Harry's POV**

Draco stood and left the compartment with the remark:

"I hope you miss me when I go."

He is going to become a Death Eater. Snape wasn't lying, and I don't know why he chose to tell me. I don't know how he has any clue about how-

I start cleaning my glasses as the compartment door opens again and Luna, Ginny, Neville, Ron, and Hermione squeezed in.

"Saw Malfoy walking away real fast. Looked like he was gonna cry!" Ron grinned at me.

"He was in here making threats about Trevor!" Neville told him.

I looked around at my group of friends. They've been with me through so much. Ron and Hermione have been by my side since the train ride to Hogwarts, Neville's roomed with me since first year, Ginny's my best friends little sister, and mine as well, and Luna was one of the few that traversed off to the Ministry of Magic to save Sirius even though he wasn't even there.

These were people I trusted with my life. They helped me form the D.A. I've watched all of them bloom in their skills with a wand, and Merlin knows how much they've helped mine.

"You guys, quiet down. I have to tell you something." I waited until the whole lot of them had calmed down and were seated. "Okay. I know that since we decided to continue the D.A. last year, we're going to want to do it again?" The group nodded in agreement. "Good. I have a mission for us. It's top secret. You can't tell even the other members."

I had everyone's rapt attention now. Ron was grinning, Hermione's eyes shone in excitement, and the other three scooted in closer to hear better.

"It's about Malfoy. His father's gong to give him to Voldemort on his next birthday."

Ron snorted. "It'll serve him right to be a slave to that twisted fuck." Neville nodded in agreement but the girls looked more sympathetic.

"The thing is, I don't think he wants to do it." I sighed.

"Did he say something when he was here?" Hermione asked.

"Kind of. I showed up at Malfoy Manor a few weeks ago-"

"Harry!" More than one voice at once, said alarmed.

"Let me finish, better yet, let me start over. Snape told me about it. Apparently at some point in time last summer Snape went back to spying on the Death Eaters. I don't know how he proved to Voldemort he was loyal after everything he'd done, and I don't think I want to know. When he got back to the Order's headquarters, he came straight to my room. Lucious Malfoy announced that Draco was going to be initiated into the Death Eaters by his next birthday, if not sooner."

I paused at looked at my friends again. I still had their attention and they seemed almost desperate to hear the rest.

"Snape says that the initiation to the Death Eaters is a humiliating, horrible experience. First, they burn the Dark Mark into the initiate's arm; he says it like having the flesh torn off your arm it hurts so bad. Then, each individual has a 'private session' with Voldemort. I don't know what goes on then, Snape refused to talk about it. After that, the initiates are basically slaves to the rest of the Death Eaters and Voldemort for a certain period of time."

"That's horrible." Hermione whispered.

"Why would anyone do all that?" Ginny shook her head.

"And people think I'm crazy." Luna sighed, and Neville and Ron just looked at me in disbelief.

"Precisely. When Snape told me that it wasn't Draco's decision, and that it was his father's doing, I had to do something. Offer him a way out, or something. I don't know exactly what I was doing. So I took a piece of paper and wrote him a message, Flooed into his study and told him it was his ticket to heaven."

"And?" Hermione asked.

"And then I left."

"You left just like that? You didn't even explain anything to him?" Ron gawked at me.

"No, I didn't." I scratched my head and pushed my glasses back up on my nose. "If I'd stuck around his dad might have found me there. He might have actually wanted to join. There are a million bad things that could have happed if I stuck around."

"What did the note say?" Luna was the only one who seemed to realize that I'd omitted what the message had contained.

"It said you have to lie in the bed that you make."

"What?" came Ron's response.

"Why?" was Hermione, Luna, Ginny, and Neville's responses.

"Because I wanted him to think about what he was doing, and what could happen to him. I wanted to offer him help without being like everyone else in his life who simply tells him what to do." I stood in my frustration. "I'm going to put my robes n now." And left the compartment.

_But you'll need me when I'm not here at all _

_Miss me when I'm gone again, yeah _

"Wait! Harry!" Hermione flew out of the compartment after me. "You didn't tell us what Draco said when he was in here!"

"He asked why, and when I told him, he didn't seem to think my answer was good enough. He just said that he hoped I missed him when he was gone."

"What did you tell him Harry? Did you tell him his godfather was worried about him?"

I shook my head.

"Did you tell him that you didn't really y hate him? Did you tell him that he has a choice?"

I shook my head.

"Did you tell him you love him?"

"What?" I stopped looking at my feet and looked up at her.

"You really didn't think I'd notice did you? I'm not stupid Harry James Potter. I've known for almost a whole year, and Merlin only knows how long it was before I noticed!" She crossed her arms and gave me the look that she usually reserved for when Ron and I needed to copy her homework.

"I-" there were no excuses. I did love him. Have since about the time Hermione noticed. But no, I didn't tell him "No."

"No what?"

"No, I didn't tell him." And before she could say another word I was down the hallway.

**Draco's POV**

_I'm going down in flames _

_I'm falling into this again, yeah _

_I'm going down in flames _

_I'm falling into this again _

Back in the Slytherin compartments I choose to sit with a group of first years who, if I hadn't been there, would have had to deal with the upper class Slytherins tormenting them.

I felt like someone had pulled the rug out form underneath me. Potter had offered me a hand and for some fucked up reason I turned him down. My whole life seemed to be this downward spiral into nothingness.

I must have sat there the whole rest of the way to school. The train stopped, and as everyone unloaded themselves I could hear Hagrid, the groundskeeper and Care Of Magical Creatures professor yelling for the first years. Potter got off a different car than his friends. The school year hasn't even started yet and it looks like they've already started on their fight of the year.

I bet it's about me.

We got to the castle and after the sorting, the feast started and the entire Great Hall exploded with laughter and conversations about how everyone's summer went.

I participated in the Slytherin conversations. These were the one's that danced around the older student's upcoming inaugurations to the Death Eaters. I know Pansy, Goyle and Crabbe will also be joining this coming year. They, unlike me, are looking forward to it. I wonder if they even know what they're going to have to do?

_Don't tell me how life is _

_Cause I don't really want to know _

I preformed my prefect duties after dinner, guiding the first year Slytherins to the dungeon entrance to the Slytherin tower. I dropped them off at the portrait, then, rather than going in myself. I turned and started to explore the castle.

I've been a prefect for two years and I've never taken he time to actually explore the castle. The place is a fucking maze. The founders, if you ask me, were a bunch of raving lunatics.

Who the hell puts a stair case up to a tiny tower with nothing but a fucking window seat in it? Who the hell puts a tower that fucking tiny in a castle in the first place?

It was a nice place to sit and think though. My insomnia from home is going to apparently stay active tonight. And here was as good a place as any to stay the night I guess.

I can see out over the lake from here, the moon is full tonight and there are no stars in the sky. I feel at peace here. Father and Mother aren't here, I don't have to look at the people in my tower and attempt conversations with them even though there's something that changed inside me over the summer and I'm not that Draco Malfoy again.

I don't know how long I sat there before I realized I wasn't alone. It could have been minutes, or hours. It doesn't matter really.

"Hello?" I turned towards the entrance of the tiny tower. There was no one there. I must be losing my-

"Draco." Potter appeared out of nothing, saying my name and acknowledging my presence.

"How- nevermind. What are you doing here?" I sneered.

"I wanted to say I was sorry." he looked at his shoes.

"Sorry for what?" Looking back out the window I sighed. "You don't have to be sorry. You're right. I have to lie in the bed that I make. I can either choose to follow Father's orders, or defy him and lose everything I've ever known."

"What are you gong to do?" he asked.

"I don't know."

"You do have choices though. You could stay out of it completely."

How naive of him. "Potter, there is no neutral in this war. You're either with the Order of the Phoenix, or with the Death Eaters. There's no gray, just black and white. I'm damned either way."

"But-"

"Can you be any more stupid? There's nothing for me either way. Do you think for one second that your friends would accept me for who I am? I don't fit in the crowd of people who want to kill you, and I sure as hell don't fit in with the people who worship the ground you fucking walk on." I stood, wrapped my robes around me tighter and pushed past him.

_Don't tell me how this game ends _

_Cause we'll just see how it goes _

How can he show up and act like everything's going to be all bunnies and sunshine after this war? I won't be surprised if he gets killed in this.

I won't be surprised if he lives through it.

He still hasn't explained that kiss. I can't explain why I'm stuck on it. I've never actually liked a boy that way. Never liked the girls either, but I am a Malfoy and I have a reputation to live up to.

Maybe I'm stuck on it because maybe I'm hoping that he has some feelings for me, real ones.

I think I want him to help me. I think I might have feelings for him too. I think I might be ready to try and defy my father. It's not going to be easy.

_Catch me when I fall _

_Or you'll need me when I'm not here at all _

_Miss me when I'm gone again, yeah _

I walked slowly back towards the Slytherin tower, secretly hoping he was going to follow me.

I guess all I can really do is try to find out why he cares. Why it is that I'm so damn special that he wants to save me.

_I'm going down in flames_

_I'm falling into this again, _

_I'm going down in flames _

_I'm falling into this again _

_Now, I'm all the way down here I'm falling _

_I'm falling down _

_Again now I'm falling down _

A/N: Ummm…. Is anyone actually reading this? I have absolutely NO reviews for chapters one and two and I wasn't kidding when I said I wanted to hear what people think. So maybe… if it's not too hard… click the little purple button next to 'submit review' that says 'go!' and let me know what you people think! Or I shall have to write some fluffy story in which Draco makes out madly with Hermione!


	4. The Road I'm On

_**Away From the Sun**_

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, I'm just a spoony Bard.

Warning! Spoilers for books 1-5. I am going to pretend that anything that happens _Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince_ , witch comes out on July 16 (YEA!) , hasn't happened, so don't kick me if something really cool happens in the book and I make no mention of it.

Warning 2! This is gonna be yaoi, that's boys loving boys, so if you don't like the idea of Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter snogging senseless, don't read, and piss off if ya feel the need to flame me for such.

**Chapter Four**

**The Road I'm on**

**Draco's POV**

It'd been four weeks, almost an entire month since Potter had cornered me in the tiny tower. He hasn't spoken to me since. Oh, I hope to Merlin that I didn't say something wrong; I still need him to save me. I feel like I'm screaming in a room full of people and no one can hear me.

I'm sitting in the Library, pretending to work on the essay for McGonagal's class. I think I've been reading the same fucking page for thirty minutes and I'm not getting anything out of it. It's like the book is in Greek, and that's one language I don't speak.

My housemates have noticed that something's wrong with me. Pansy keeps trying to get me to tell her what's going on. I can't exactly tell her that I'm trying to figure out if I want to follow my father's orders, if I want to go against him and fight with Potter. Trying to figure out why the fact that Harry kissed me is still on my mind.

I think I might like him. I don't mean like I like Crabbe and Goyle, I mean like you would a girl-

"Um… Draco?" A soft feminine voice broke into my thoughts. I looked up from the book I've been pretending to read. Hermione Granger stood two feet away from me, looking like she wanted to talk to me.

_She said life's a lot to think about sometimes  
When you're living between the lines_

_And all the stars they sparkle and shine everyday _

Looking around quickly, I realized why she had chosen to approach me here. There were no other Slytherins around. I had chosen a tucked away corner of the library to read in. This also meant, she had hunted me down.

"Granger, what the hell do you want." I snapped my book shut and slammed it on the table, annoyed.

She flinched, then glared back at me. "Don't start that crap with me Malfoy or I'll hex you to next year." Then, to my utmost confusion, she sat across the table from me. "Look, I know you hate me, that you think I'm a dirty-little-Mudblood-Know-it-all, but I have something to say to you. Harry's told us, and we don't think you should do it either." She hadn't said what it was Harry had told her, but my suspicions were few.

I smirked at her, irritated that she's interrupted my thoughts and that she actually thought I gave a shit about what her and the Weasel thought. "And you think I care why?"

"Because obviously you've been thinking about what Harry told you. I can tell. You don't sleep, you hardly eat and you've been avoiding everyone in your house." She looked haughty, like she'd answered the hardest question on the upcoming N.E.W.T.s correctly.

"I'm so glad you know me so well, or rather, should I say I'm happy that you've taken it upon yourself to stalk my every move." I scowled.

"I'm sorry." She said.

"What? Why?" I looked at her. She was crying. "What the fuck?"

"I'm sorry. It can't be easy, knowing that your father is going to give you over to Voldemort. Then to have the sudden choice in front of you of what you want to do." She hadn't even stumbled over the Dark Lord's name.

I felt vulnerable, I might actually be able to tell her something. I don't understand, and I don't care why Hermione Granger, a girl I've spent six years tormenting, would cry over me.

"It isn't." I whispered, looking down at my knuckles. "I haven't had a decent night's sleep in over two months. Every time I turn around, there's seventh year Slytherins whispering about their upcoming initiations to the Death Eaters. They all know I'm supposed to join. And I can't stop thinking about how Potter kissed me." I lay my head on my arms, face first into the table. I hadn't meant for it all to come out.

"Harry _kissed_ you!" She squealed, then covered her mouth. "Sorry. I know that wasn't what was supposed to stand out. But-"

"I actually said that out loud? Merlin, I really am losing my mind." I slammed my head on the table with a resounding _thunk_.

"He kissed you?" she said quieter.

Head still on the table I answered her. "Yeah." I looked up at her again and she was smiling. "What?" I asked.

"It's about time." she grinned harder. "I mean Ron's so dense he wouldn't notice unless Harry started shagging you right in front of him, but I've known for _ages_. He fancies you."

What she'd said took a moment o sink in. First, I had to push my exhausted mind through the gutter and rid myself of the not-so-surprisingly arousing image of Potter and I having sex, but- "Harry Potter fancies me?" I asked slowly, wanting to make sure I'd heard her right.

"For at least a year. That's why he came after you in the manor that day." She said softly. "He wanted to let you know that you _do_ have a choice."

"But he didn't tell me shit! He shoved a piece of paper in my hands, told me it was my ticket to heaven, kissed me and left! I haven't got any explanation from that asshole, and here you come telling me that Potter fancies me and that you agree with him that I shouldn't go. What, does the little Mudblood fancy me too?" I stood, angry now that I'd let her get close, that I'd opened up even the slightest. Picking up my books I sneered at her.

"Of course not! I don't even understand what Harry sees in you! You are nothing but an arrogant, self -centered prick!" Granger was yelling now, brining Madame Pince to my secluded corner.

"For the sake of Merlin! This is a library! Not a shouting arena. Miss Granger, you should know better. Mister Malfoy, you too. Both prefects! " the whole while chasing us both out with a couple of charmed books that kept hitting us in the head.

Before I walked away from Hermione, I shot another glare at her. "If Potter had any common courtesy at all, he'd some tell me this shit in person, not send his lame little messengers after me."

She stood there staring after me, and for some reason my spirits were lifted .

_He said life's so hard to move in sometimes  
When it feels like I'm toein' the line  
And no one even cares to ask me why I feel this way_

Or at least they had been lifted until Potions class. Professor Snape, my godfather, has been acting out of sorts this term. Not that many would notice, just me.

He strode into the room, robes billowing about him as usual. "Turn to page four hundred and forty five. We will be working in partners today. They will be as such: Brown, Parkinson, Granger, Crabbe, Longbottom, Goyle, Weasley, Bode,…"the list continued until the last pair, "…Potter, Malfoy. I suggest you begin immediately or your first stage of the potion will not be complete before the end of class. And you all know I do not allow students in my lab after hours. Instructions-" he flicked his wand at the blackboard and they appeared, "Are on the board. Supplies-" another flick and the supply cabinet opened- "are in the cabinet." He then sat at his deck, summoned our homework to him with a quiet _Accio_ and began grading them.

I stayed where I was, let Potter come to me. He did. And we worked in silence the entire class. I don't think I could stand speaking to him right now anyway. I might hex him to death for fucking with me.

As class ended and students were filing out, Professor Snape stopped me.

"Mister Malfoy, a moment of your time please."

I stopped and waited by his desk as the rest of the class left. When they were gone I looked at my godfather curiously. "Professor?"

"Not here, my office." He stood, and walked into his office. I followed, closing the door behind me. He stood in front of his desk, looking at me.

"Draco. It has come to my attention that you don't seem particularly thrilled with the idea of joining the Dark Lord's Death Eaters." He wasn't accusing, he wasn't threatening. But he was a Death Eater. He was probably what my father would consider his best friend, that's why he was chosen to be my godfather.

Unsure of weather I could trust him with my secrets, I frowned. "Who did you hear that piece of rubbish from?"

"Pansy Parkinson." He smirked. "So I doubt that she was lying. Infatuated with you, she is." The Slytherin grin slid from his face as he looked at me again. The fear that he would report this to my father must have been plain as day in my face. "Draco, I am your godfather-" I nodded and looked at the floor. "- and that means that I must look after your best interests, even if they do not agree with your parents."

I looked up at him. He suddenly looked older, but did not stop talking. "I have been aware of your resistance all summer. Lucious has complained to me often. I know Potter came to you." My eyes went wide. "I know what he told you."

"Severus, sir, I don't-" before I could finish what I was saying, attempt to deny my confusion, he cut me off.

"Draco, I have been a spy for the Order of the Phoenix since before the Dark Lord attacked the Potter family." He was calm, collected, and none of the fear of what I might say, or who I might say it to, was on his face.

I think my heart stopped beating. "You're- but- I thought- I mean-" I gave up trying to make a sensible sentence and looked back at my well-polished shoes again. "Why?"

Severus Snape does not often smile. Not the way a normal person who wasn't raised to be a dark wizard, and a Slytherin would. He did now. "Because Draco, unlike your parents, the moment you were born, and I was asked to take the responsibility of being your Godfather, I loved you. I would protect you the same as I would any child of mine. I know that the Dark Lord cannot, and will not triumph over Dumbledore and Harry Potter." He stepped away from his desk and stood directly in front of me.

"Severus, I don't know what to do. Potter's got my head so fucked up that I can't even think straight."

_I know you feel helpless now and I know you feel alone_

_That's the same road, the same road I am on _

My godfather reached over, put a hand on my shoulder and pulled me into a hug. "I know. I understand completely. It is not an easy decision. You do have choices though. You can choose weather or not you want to share your father's fate."

For the first time since I've been faced with these choices I didn't feel alone. I pulled out of the hug and smiled. "Thank you. I don't know what I'd do if I really was alone in this."

"You'd have made the right choice. I have faith in you Draco." He turned and opened the door to his office. "Just remember, I am here for you anytime."

I nodded as I headed off to Charms. My mind in another whirlwind. Snape was a spy. He'd chosen to tell me. He has faith that I'll make the 'right choice'. Whatever the fuck that means. I don't even know what the right choice is right now. Well I do. The right choice would be to tell my father to go fuck himself and then let Potter shag me senseless. Did I really just think that? Fucking Merlin. I guess I've already made my choice. I changed my course of direction and headed towards the Gryffindor tower instead.

I'm going with Harry.

**Harry's POV**

When Hermione came to me after Potions and told me about the conversation with Draco, I almost snapped.

"You told him what?" I practically screamed at her as we entered the common room to the Gryffindor tower.

"I told him what you should have. That you fancy him and that he really does have a choice." She looked at me matter-of-factly.

Ron almost chocked on the chocolate frog he'd been eating. "Harry _what!_" he said, still coughing.

"Upstairs." I dragged him and Hermione up to my dorm room, climbed onto my bed, closed the curtains behind us and whispered _Silencio_.

"Hermione, can you keep it down. I don't need the whole Gryffindor tower to start talking about me being a pouf." I growled at her.

"Sorry." she said, but Ron's eyes looked like they were going to pop out of his head at any second.

"A pouf, as in, liking guys?" his face was turning red. I suppose from embarrassment.

"Well," I smirked. "Kind of. Not so much as _guys_ plural, but _guy _singular, yes."

Much to my surprise, Ron didn't question, or freak. "Who is he?"

"If you haven't figured that out yet, you're denser than I thought Ronald Weasley." Hermione smiled at him. "It's Draco Malfoy."

Ron was silent. He was shocked, his face was turning pale. "Malfoy? As in the asshole that's tormented all three of us since first year?"

I nodded. "Why do you think I wanted the DA to help me help him?"

Silence for another moment. "Oh."

I let that sink in as I turned on Hermione. "And you didn't have to tell him! I wasn't going to say a damn thing to him until he'd made up his mind about what he wants to do! I didn't want him to feel like I was pushing him into it."

"I'm sorry!" she cried. "I just thought that he had a right to know why you were worried about him. And you didn't tell me that you _kissed _him!"

Before I could retort that it was none of her business, Neville came into the room. "Harry? You in here?"

"Yeah" I answered, poking my head out of the bed hangings.

"Um, there's someone outside who wants to talk to you. We won't let him into the common room so he's outside the portrait." Neville grinned. "It's Malfoy."

I stood, and went down to the portrait opening where he was waiting.

_He said life's a lot to think about sometimes  
When you keep it all between the lines  
Of everything I want and I want to find, one of these days_

_We walked down to the lake, where we could talk without anyone interrupting us. We were halfway around before either of us spoke._

"What made you hunt me down?" I asked, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

"I don't know." he admitted. "But I suppose you already know that Hermione cornered me in the library."

"Yes. And I could kill her for that too." I growled. He seemed slightly hurt. "What?"

"So was what she said true?" His voice was a little shaky, and he was nervously playing with the hem of his robes.

"Yeah."

"So you-"

"Want to snog you senseless?" I interrupted. "Yes."

"I wasn't going to be that blunt about it, but if you are then so can I." He smirked that Slytherin smirk that I'd decided long ago looked sexy on his aristocratic face. "You want to shag me."

I blushed and didn't answer him. My embarrassment must have sated the Slytherin in him because he continued with the conversation, leaving the subject of my feelings alone.

"Professor Snape also talked to me. I guess you already knew he was a spy huh?" He looked over at me expectantly.

"Yeah, I knew." I sighed. "I don't always trust him though." I scowled. "He's such a slimy git." I immediately wished I hadn't said this. Draco's eyes flashed.

"Watch what you say about my godfather Potter. He's a braver man than you think." His face softened as he thought about something. "He wants me to defy my father too."

"He's the one who told me." I informed him. I wasn't thinking about what I was telling him. Just answering his questions disguised as statements.

"Really?" Draco whispered.

_What you thought was real in life somehow steered you wrong  
Now you just keep drivin' tryin' to find out where you belong _

I nodded. I don't want t push the subject on him, but I have to ask him. I pray to Merlin that his answer is what I want it to be.

"Have you- you know. Thought about it?" I stopped walking and looked at him.

"It's done nothing but plague my thoughts." He sighed.

"And?" I asked hopefully.

Draco didn't answer me. I stood there for what seemed like an eternity. When I thought hat I'd made a mistake asking him, I closed my eyes in defeat. How could I have expected anything different from-?

Warm lips on mine shocked me back to reality. It was a simple kiss. Lips brushing against lips.

"Fuck Father. Fuck Voldemort. Just, just kiss me okay?" His voice sounded almost desperate and I did as he asked, kissing him for all I was worth.

When I traced my tongue along his lower lip, he opened his mouth, still kissing me, tasting me, as I was tasting him for the first time too. When I pulled back, his face was flushed, and not the usual pale color, his eyes half lidded, and he was looking directly into my _soul_, I swear.

"I'm going with you Harry."

"It's not going to be easy, you know that, right?" I whispered.

_I know you feel helpless now and I know you feel alone  
That's the same road, that same road that I am on _

_What you thought was real in life somehow steered you wrong  
Now you just keep drivin' tryin' to find out where you belong _

"I know it's not. But, I don't want that life." He spat out.

"Okay." I smiled at him as we walked back towards the castle. No more questions for today. Enough answers have been given here.

The road isn't gong to be easy. This fight was never gong to be easy. At least now, everyone I care about in on the same road.

A/N Realized I am a complete moron and didn't tell people what song I used in the last chapter… It's Going Down in Flames by 3 Doors Down, and in this chapter I used The Road I'm On. I guess it's pretty safe to say I'll be using 3 Doors Down on this whole story. But I'll make sure to let people know if I use something different.

Finally! Reviews! Thank you ! I actually thought I was going to have to go through with my threat and write a sappy fic with Hermione and Draco! Whew! Thanks for the rescue!

I do appreciate the constructive criticism and I hope this chapter was better.

I'm trying to make sure that I write both Draco and Harry differently, because they for sure are not anything alike in the way they think. Let me know what you think. And maybe, I could use a little advice on Harry… Being Slytherin and trying to write like a Gryffindork is hard!

Anyhow, again, I'm going to remind people to hit the little purple button next to 'submit review' that says 'go'! Do it! Click it……… yeah, that's the way.


	5. I feel You

_**Away From the Sun**_

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, I'm just a spoony Bard.

Warning! Spoilers for books 1-5. I am going to pretend that anything that happens _Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince_ , witch comes out on July 16 (YEA!) , hasn't happened, so don't kick me if something really cool happens in the book and I make no mention of it.

Warning 2! This is gonna be yaoi, that's boys loving boys, so if you don't like the idea of Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter snogging senseless, don't read, and piss off if ya feel the need to flame me for such.

Chapter Five

I feel you

Draco's POV

It's been a week since that stilted conversation by the lake with Harry. I haven't had a conversation with Weasley yet, and I've avoided Granger at all costs. I guess it's not just me. Harry says she has this way of getting _anybody_ to tell her _anything_, and he doesn't understand it either. I personally thing she's too fucking smart for her own good.

I'm sitting in the Slytherin common room on one of the insanely comfortable leather chairs, finishing the last of Professor Snape's essay before tomorrow's class. The potion we'd been set to brew with our partners was Veritaserum. It takes about a month to brew, so we were only a quarter of the way though with it.

"Draco!" Pansy called as she and Blaise entered the tower. "You will not believe what's happened!" Pansy bounced over to me and sat on the floor next to my chair. Her next words were hushed. "The whole school knows about us."

"Knows what about us?" I asked, annoyed with her for interrupting my homework.

"About-" her voice dropped lower "-_you know what_."

She meant that everyone knew that most of the Slytherin seventh years would be joining the Death Eaters.

"Well that would be because _some_ people can't seem to keep quiet about it, now wouldn't it." I sneered.

Blaise, who had kept quiet through this, looked at me. "Drake, this is big. Snape lectured almost all of us. He said it wasn't smart to be announcing what we're going to do."

This was no surprise to me. However, in one of the many conversations I'd had with Harry in the past week, we had come to the conclusion that it would be better if my housemates didn't know what the fuck I was up to.

"Think about it Zabini. Do you think Snape wants that fucking nosey old bastard poking his head in our lives?" I was referring to Dumbledore.

The two of them thought about it for a moment. "No." Pansy finally answered.

"So why is it so fucking surprising that our Head of House would lecture you?" I closed my book, stood, and glanced at the clock. Shit. I'm supposed to meet Potter in the library. "Now if you will excuse me, I have to meet with Potter to get more of this fucking project finished." I walked out of the common room swearing, and cursing Potter.

_They gave me a life that's not so easy to live,  
And then they sent me on my way._

"So they still think you're with them on this?" Harry asked.

"Yup, load of stupid fuckers, every one of them." I sighed and lay on the bench I was sitting on.

"What about Snape, you've told him, right?" This conversation, like our others, was stunted, only smoothing out when one of us had a smart-ass comment to add in. We hadn't discussed the kiss by the lake, and I was in no hurry to do so. We'd talked about everything else. Why I was making this choice, my father, Snape, the rest of my house, how I should act around them even though I'd already made my decision. But not the kiss. We'd avoided it, as if neither of us wanted to talk about it. Maybe I do want to talk about it. I don't even understand what in the fucking name of Merlin possessed me to kiss him. The whole situation is fucking confusing.

"Draco?" Harry poked me, brining me out of my thoughts. "You told him, right?"

"No." I whispered. "I haven't talked to Severus since he pulled me into his office."

"Well you should." came his blunt reply.

"Excuse me?" I said in mock politeness.

"You have to tell him Draco! He's been worried about you."

"Fuck you Potter. You have no right to tell me what I have to do. It's your fucking fault I'm in this mess in the first place." I snapped.

"Grow up Draco. It was your choice if you remember correctly." He glared at me again.

"Well pardon the fuck out of me for not knowing what the fuck I'm supposed to do. If _you _remember correctly, it was _you _who came to _me_. It was _you_ who gave me the choice. I'm not a fucking Gryffindork. I haven't been raised with all the stunning bravery and nobility that you have. I'm just trying to get through all of this without a mental fucking breakdown. So back the hell off." I finished my rant and glared back at him.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

All his apologizing was driving me up a fucking wall. "You should be." I growled.

"Merlin, you are impossible! And to think that I-" he didn't finish his sentence, but blushed instead.

The Slytherin in me couldn't help but bait him. "And to think you what?" I asked in mock sweetness.

"To think that I actually l-like you." he blushed harder.

Now, I'm no stranger to having people like me. I've had girls chasing after me since fourth year. But, fucking hell, there was something about Potter liking me that made it different. I actually _wanted_ him to like me. But I already knew he liked me. Granger had already fucking told me, and he'd already admitted to it. What I didn't know was-

"Why? Why do you like me Harry?" I whispered. I stunned myself by asking, since I hadn't intended on doing it aloud.

He paused. Fucking Merlin! Did he actually to _think about_ it? And he say's _I'm_ an insufferable-

"Because you've always pushed me to my limits, and further. Because I wasn't The Boy Who lived to you. Because I was just another Gryffindor to torment. Because you're absolutely gorgeous when you smile. Because you have the strength to question your father, when the rest of your house doesn't." He stopped, and looked at me. "Do I need to continue?"

Shocked, the only thing I could comment on was, "Absolutely gorgeous when I smile? When did I smile at you?"

He rolled his eyes in response. "Fucking Merlin Draco. I _have_ been infatuated with you for over a year. Do you think I didn't watch you?"

I felt stupid for having not realized such an obvious answer. The way he'd answered it had annoyingly reminded me (with what little I had to go on) of Granger. "You sound like that nosy bitch Granger." I growled.

He glared at me. "Watch what you say. That 'nosy bitch' happens to be one of my best friends." Then he half smiled. "She is a nosy bitch though, isn't she?"

I laughed. I couldn't help it. The sound drew attention from out other classmates, also working on Snape's assignment. But who could blame them; Harry Potter just made Draco Malfoy _laugh?_ I stuffed a fist in my mouth, lest that hag of a librarian hear and kick my ass out again.

"Yes, yes she is."

"And speaking of her, we do have to finish this or she'll be asking me why I don't' have it done even though I spent all afternoon in the library." He sighed, and we went back to work.

_  
I've left my love and forgot my dreams,  
And lost them all along the way _

The Slytherin common room was noisy when I entered. I was confused. Blaise, Crabbe, and Goyle were herding the younger students upstairs to their dorms with baskets of sweets.

"The fuck is going on here?" I asked nobody in particular.

It was Pansy who answered, _flouncing_ up to me, looking fucking ridiculous in purple velvet robes. "Drake! We've decided that since you've been kinda depressed lately that we'd throw you a party!"

Oh. A party. I suddenly felt like shit. The Slytherins aren't bad people; they've just been poisoned by their parent's beliefs, much like I was until Harry came to my rescue.

"Thanks. I could use a party." I smiled at her and since it was apparent that they'd been waiting for my arrival to get things started, Goyle came over, handed me a silver mug, and filled it to the brim with fire whiskey.

It was three hours later and I was trashed beyond all fucking sane thinking. Pansy, who has been my girlfriend for two years, was sitting next to me on the couch, getting cuddly.

"Drake…" she cooed, "Take me up to your room an' fuck me."

I would, but there was something wrong with the situation that my alcohol addled brain didn't understand. I couldn't bring myself to want her. I was turned off by her suggestion _completely_. Angry, for what I could see, no reason, I pushed her off me.

"Don't fucking touch me." I stood, wobbled a little, grabbed the arm of the couch for support, and looked down at her.

"Drake? I don't understand." She slurred.

"Understand this. I don't love you, I don't want you. Don't ever fucking touch me like that again. We're not together anymore. Got it?" Part of my brain, drunk as I was, called myself an asshole. I ignored it for now and half walked, half stumbled to the stairs and up to my dorm, where I flopped across my bed, still dressed, and a half full mug still in my hand, and passed out.

**Harry's POV**

I've been avoiding Ron for about a week now. I feel bad, but I really didn't get a chance to talk to him after Hermione opened her mouth and told him about me kissing Draco.

Sighing, I rolled over on my bed, put on my glasses and looked at the clock. Seven a.m. Time to get up. I groaned and climbed out of bed. Neville was just waking up too.

"Morning Harry." He yawned.

"Morning." Grabbing my robes, I headed into the bathroom for a shower. I knew Neville would wake up the rest of our dorm mates shortly. I showered, brushed my teeth, got dressed, and went down to breakfast.

"Why aren't you talking to Ron?" Hermione asked as soon as she got to the table, before she'd even sat down.

"I'm not 'not talking to Ron'. I've just been busy." I lied.

"You are too not talking to Ron. You find time to talk to me! And he wants to talk to you Harry. After you took off to the lake with Draco-"

"Do you want to keep it down?" I shot at her. "Just because I tell you doesn't mean I want the rest of the school to hear."

"Sorry." then in a quieter voice, "After you took off to the lake with Draco, he was asking me all kinds of questions. Like wanting to know why you kept it from him, liking guys I mean. And he wants to know why Malfoy, and honestly, I wouldn't mind an explanation either on that one. Not to mention the fact that Ron is your _best friend_ Harry." She sat down and looked at me expectantly.

"What? Here? Now?" I looked around; the Great Hall was filling quickly with students.

"Of course not. But you do have to talk to him. I'm not letting you get out of it." With that, she started eating breakfast.

About halfway through breakfast, Ron finally came down, rubbing his eyes, looking as if he'd dressed in a hurry. "Sorry I'm late. No one woke me up." He shot a look at me.

I instantly felt bad. "I'm sorry Ron, I took a shower. I thought Neville would wake you up."

"I tried." Came Neville's response. "So did Dean and Seamus. You wouldn't budge and inch mate." Then he laughed. "Don't blame you though, not with what _you_ were talking about in your sleep." He Dean and Seamus burst into laughter.

When Ron and I both looked confused, Dean leaned over, whispered something in Ron's ear. Ron instantly turned as red as his hair.

"What! Tell me! If it embarrasses Ron, I gotta know." I grinned, knowing that whatever it was, it wasn't something to be discussed in front of the girls.

Seamus grinned, and leaned over.

"You know how Ron talks in his sleep?" I nodded, remembering dreams of 'spiders, making me tap dance'. "Well think about 'Hermione, don't stop' accompanied by moans."

As he was telling me this, a grin slowly spread across my face. Ron wanted Hermione. This was too perfect.

"Ron, you and I need to have a little conversation today." I grinned at him. Looks like I was done avoiding him.

First thing that morning we had double Transfiguration with the Slytherins. I hadn't noticed at breakfast, but Draco wasn't with his housemates at all. McGonagal noticed too, and as she opened her book, she asked no one in particular.

"And where is Mister Malfoy this morning?"

"Here Professor. Terribly sorry I'm late."

McGonagal, with the rest of the class, turned to look at the doorway where the voice had come from.

"You're late. Five points."

Draco was walking into the room, wearing rumpled robes, hair un-brushed; as a matter of fact he didn't look at all like his normal, perfectly groomed self. He looked like he'd been hit by a Mac truck.

"Mister Malfoy, are you feeling well?" Concern laced the professor's voice.

He waved her off. "Fine, just a migraine." A couple of other Slytherins grinned this, and I noticed that they too, looked at bit peakish. And all of them were complete crap during the lesson, much to McGonagal's dismay.

"What has gotten into you today? You were all perfectly capable of this spell yesterday! One point from each of you for not being up to snuff!"

As class ended, I managed to stay back a moment to catch a moment with Draco. "Migraine? Are you sure you're okay?" I asked.

"Not a migraine, hangover. Can't tell _her_ that though." he tried to smirk, but failed miserably. "I'm skipping lunch and going back to bed." he groaned.

We parted ways at the door, Hermione and Ron waiting for me.

"Let's drop our books off before lunch" Hermione suggested, elbowing me.

"Right." I complied as we steered towards our tower, laughing at the Slytherins for losing points.

Ron and I walked up the stairs to our dorm as Hermione went up to hers. I took this opportunity to tease Ron about this morning. I grinned, and poked him in the shoulder. "Oh Hermione…" I falsetto moaned, doing a _very _bad impression of Ron. It worked though and his ears turned beet red.

"Shut up you. At least _I'm_ not snogging a Slytherin!" he shot back.

Okay, I can deal with this. He's making jokes about it. That's a good sign with Ron. "I'm not snogging him!"

"Well then what _are_ you doing with him?" We'd reached our room, it was empty, everyone else already well on their way to lunch. I sighed.

"Not exactly sure. I don't know how much nosy Hermione has told you yet." I dumped my book bag on my bed.

"She hasn't told me jack shit. Said that it was 'up to Harry to talk about it'." He rolled his eyes.

"Good. For once she's not meddling too much." I sat on my bed and folded my feet under me. "I guess I'll just get the point. What do you want to know?"

Ron sat opposite me. "When?"

"When what? You have to be a little more specific."

"When did you start liking guys?" he turned a shade of pink.

"Not _guys_, just Draco. And I guess I noticed him _that_ way about a year ago."

"A year! Merlin Harry! You could have fucking told me!"

"Sorry, I wasn't sure what to do. I didn't even tell Hermione. You know how she is though. She just pops up and says 'Hey Harry, you love Draco.' and she's right." I sighed again.

Ron froze a second. "Love? You love him?"

My turn to blush. "Yeah." I said in a quiet voice.

"Why?" Ron stared at me like I'd grown another head, but he _was_ keeping his.

_Those little things you say,  
When words mean so much  
You never back down.  
When they all shy away  
You always listen to me. _

"You know how I told you that the sorting hat wanted to put me in Slytherin, but I wouldn't let it?" Ron nodded. "And remember how I told you what Dumbledore told me about he scar, and the prophecy, and all that crap?" He nodded gain, following my train of thought. "Think about it Ron, If I hadn't already met Draco, and decided that he was an arrogant prick, and you hadn't told me that Slytherin was mostly dark wizards, I might have been put in Slytherin, and then, I might have- I don't' know, maybe decided that Voldemort had the right idea or something. He did offer to let me join him, said we could rule the world together." I snorted. "So, if you think about it, because Draco was a prick to me. Because he didn't think of me as The Boy Who Lived, he saved me."

"I don't think of you as The Boy Who Lived." Ron stated, "And you didn't fall in love with me."

"Jealous?" I teased. "No, just kidding. I thought about that too. You're like family to me. A brother. That's why I could never date your sister, she's my sister too." I grinned. "And incest is really not my cup of tea."

"Okay. I think I understand now." He shook his head. "Just promise me that until I get this wrapped around my head a little better that you won't go shagging, or snogging, him in front of me."

"Deal." I grinned at him, and he grinned back. "Anyway. Hermione?" I poked him.

"Yeah," he turned red again "Hermione."

"How long." I asked casually.

"Fourth year. Why do you think I was so jealous over Krum?" He grinned again.

"And you never told me? And you got on my case about not telling you about Draco. That' only been a year and here you've been hiding this for two! Really. How rude." I stuck my nose in the air in pseudo anger.

"Well I thought _you_ liked her too! But now that you've decided to be gay with Malfoy I guess that's not a problem, is it?" He jabbed back.

"Not at all. Matter of fact, I'll help you out. I just _knew_ the two of you were going to end up together. Neville and I had a bet on it." I grinned.

"Are you two coming or what?" Came a yell from the staircase.

"Shit!" Ron swore. "We forgot about her! Coming!" he yelled back down.

We started back down the staircase. Halfway down Ron stopped, causing me to run into him. "A bet?"

"Yup, and it looks like I'm gong to lose. I bet it wouldn't happen until the end of the year, Neville said before Christmas."

"You've been hanging out with Fred and George way too much mate." he shook his head and went down the rest of the stairs where we met an impatient Hermione.

"You guys are so slow!" she complained, but on the way out of the portrait she gave me a questioning look. I answered a thumbs-up to her unspoken question and she grinned in response. Yes, Ron and I were talking.

**Draco's POV**

I woke up well after lunch, and was late for Potions. Professor Snape didn't say anything. He already knew we'd had a party last night; he was probably the one who supplied the liquor. He was however, pissed that I was late, and had interrupted class by being so.

"You will see me after class." He stated quietly as he passed me.

"Yes sir." I answered and joined Harry in the next part of the potion.

"Feeling better?" he asked.

"Yeah. Headache's gone." I looked at the instructions for the day. "Where are you at?"

"Here." he pointed to the fourth step and I started on it. "Hell of a party I take it?"

"Oh yes. Haven't been fuck drunk since the leaving feast last year." I smiled remembering how Goyle, Crabbe and I had scared the shit out of a couple of first years.

Conversation ceased there and for the rest of the class we focused on our potion. When class ended, I stayed behind, per my godfather's whishes.

"Sir?" I said as the classroom door closed behind the last student.

"You were late." he stated. "Very late. And Pansy came to me last night, drunk and crying about the two of you breaking up. Care to tell me what's going on Draco?" He folded his arms, looking annoyed.

"I'm sorry Severus. I had the hangover from hell. And as for Pansy, I don't' know. I don't' understand it myself." I looked at the floor.

"Draco, are you aware that Potter has a-" he half smirked "_thing_ for you?" he asked.

How the fuck did he know? I blushed. "Yes sir, I am aware."

"And does that have anything to do with you breaking up with Pansy?" He looked amused at my embarrassment.

"I think so." I admitted. "I-" I stopped and looked around the classroom. "Can we have amore private conversation sir?" I asked, uneasy with who might be listing at the door.

Snape nodded and let me back not his office, closing the door behind him. He sat at his desk, waiting for me to begin.

"You know Harry came to me at Malfoy Manor, and you know what he said." Snape nodded. "Well, he didn't so much as say anything, as shove what he called my 'ticket to heaven' in my hands, kiss me and disappear." I blushed from having to explain kissing Harry to Severus. He sensed my discomfort, and looked oddly amused. "I thought about it, and thought about it, and thought about it. I talked to him a couple times before you talked to me and told that you were a spy. And after you told me, I guess I just gave up caring if Father hated me for what I chose." I looked at the floor, not wanting to finish the rest of what's been happening.

Severus stared at me. "And?" he questioned. "That still doesn't explain why you broke up with Pansy." He smirked, baiting me to tell him what, it was obvious, he already fucking knew.

"I-that is to say- I _think_ I might have a-" I must have been the color of Weasley's hair. "-thing for Harry too. I kissed him by the lake." I finished quietly.'

He stopped smirking at me and just stared. I looked up from the floor, "Sir?" I said tentatively. Fucking Merlin. Did I say too much? Was I supposed to _not_ like Harry?

"That's- I-" Severus flustered, turning red. I smiled, part of me reveling in his embarrassment. He gained control quickly though, clearing his throat. "It would then be safe to say that you are no longer a candidate for becoming a Death Eater I suppose." He didn't ask, simply stated, and waited for my response.

"Yeah, it would be safe to say that." I grinned at my godfather, who had a look of enormous relief washing over him.

"I'm glad." he said softly. "And as for the situation with Pansy and Potter, she'll get over it. You can blame your strange behavior as of late on making _that_ decision, rather than announcing tot hem that you've been- ah-_fraternizing_ with Potter."

"Yes sir." I turned and started for the door.

"And Draco?"

"Yes?" I turned back to my godfather.

"Be careful." He smiled at me.

"I will." and I headed off to my dorm.

I was walking past the Charms classroom when someone grabbed the back of my robes and pulled me inside.

"What the fuck!" I started, but I was silenced by a set of warm lips on mine.

"Be quiet Draco!" Potter hissed.

"Harry, what the fuck are you-"

"Shh!" he put a finger over my lips. "I have to be somewhere in ten minuets, and so do you, so shut up!"

I didn't have anywhere to be in ten minutes. "Don't be stupid. The only place I have to be is-"

"I said shut up!" his face was an inch away; he was pressed up against me, trapping me to the wall.

"Then what am I supposed to do?" I asked, annoyed.

He blushed, hard. "Well, Ron said I wasn't allowed to snog you in front of him."

Harry hunted me down for a make-out session. How unbelievably fucking _sexy_. He looked up at me and I realized for the first time that he was an inch shorter than me.

I grinned, pushed him away just enough distance to switch our positions, and put my elbows on the wall on either side of his shoulders.

"Not allowed to snog in front of him. What a prude." then I kissed him. Pressing him into the wall, teasing him by tracing his lips with my tongue, but not actually kissing him with it.

Fucking Merlin in Hell. Harry moaned softly when I deepened the kiss, tasting him. A hint of mint, and something else I couldn't put my finger on. I kissed his neck, biting him softly, my own breath catching in my throat when he groaned.

_What do I get to get me through this sleepless nights?  
And what do I have to hold when no one's there to hold me tight?  
And what do I see the only thing that gets me through this?_

_  
That's what I feel and I feel you. _

"Fuck." I growled. "You make me _burn_ Harry."

"God" was his response, arms, wrapped tightly around me as he pressed himself closer to me. "I _feel_ you, Draco." he breathed my name.

Since kissing him, my mind had found itself incapable of caring about anything but the way he felt. "Huh?" I questioned, kissing his neck again.

His response was to shift his hips, rubbing his hard cock against mine. "I _feel_ you." he reiterated, blushing this time.

The friction he caused drove me insane. "Do you want me to stop?" I asked, biting his neck again, this time shifting my hips against his.

"No." he whispered, and then he reached over and traced my lips with a finger. "I- OW!" He stopped, pulled away and took a galleon out of his pocket. "Damnit! We're going to be late! Come on!" He grabbed my arm, pulled a piece of old parchment out, tapped it with his wand, and muttered, "I solemnly swear I am up to no good." He stood for a second staring at it. "This way." and proceeded to drag me down the hallway.

We half ran through the castle, up to the seventh floor, where in our fifth year, I had caught him breaking rules set by Dolorous Umbridge. Opening a door, that I swear I have never fucking seen before, he dragged me into a room.

There were at least thirty other students in here, all in pairs, practicing jinxes.

"Stupefy!" I heard Longbottom yell, as he stunned Cho Chang.

'"Harry!" Hermione Granger ran over, leaving Weasley standing alone. "You're late, so we started without you. I don't know what you were going to cover this week so I just had them start out by reviewing last week. But what does it have to do with-?" she pointed to a pile of watermelons in the corner.

"Good." Harry smiled at me. "Hold on one moment. You'll see." he picked up a whistle that was laying n a table, and blew it. The rest of the students stopped what they were doing, and sat in a circle around Harry.

"Sorry I'm late. I had something I had to take care of." He grinned and Hermione snickered.

"What's _he_ doing here?" Seamus asked, pointing a finger at me.

"I'm getting to that. Hold you pants on for a second." Harry shot a look at him. "Now, as I was going to say, before Seamus so politely interrupted me, is this: Please welcome Draco Malfoy to the group."

No one said anything for a long time. Though Hermione was smiling, and so were that Luna girl, the littlest Weasley, and Longbottom. Weasley himself gave me a half-hearted wave.

"Welcome to the DA Draco!" Hermione smiled warmly at me. Ugh, sympathy from her, what have I gotten myself into?

_This ain't no bed of nails,  
But there not roses just the same_

"Uh, hi." I gave a stunted wave and turned to Harry. "What the hell is the DA?"

"Remember fifth year when Umbridge caught that 'secret club'?" He grinned.

"Yeah, but what the fuck does that have to do with the DA?" I folded my arms. "Maybe I should ask Granger, at least when I ask _her_ questions, she doesn't answer with riddles." I half smirked at him, teasing him.

"Shut it." he poked me. "She caught the DA. We started it because we thought it would be a good way to learn Defense Against the Dark Arts, since Umbridge didn't teach us anything worth learning. So Hermione came up with the _brilliant_-" this was sarcastic, "-idea for me to teach them. We chose to call it Dumbledore's Army, because that's what the ministry was afraid of in the first place, that's kinda a long story, and we work on charms, jinxes, hexes and counter-jinxes." He grinned again. "DA for short."

I gaped at him. He was fucking _teaching_ people? And by the look of it, if I could take Longbottom as an indication, he was damn fucking good at it too.

"Potter, you are a genius." I shook my head.

"Actually it's Hermione that's the genius. This was all her idea." But he blushed all the same.

"But Harry, You're a brilliant teacher!" Came one voice, and a few others agreed with whoever it was.

"Completely!"

"Yeah, you rock!"

Harry just blushed harder and changed the subject. "Well anyway, now, Today we're going to be practicing the _Lacara (La- sar-uh) _curse. We most certainly will not be practicing on each other, so I had Dobby get us some watermelons." he pointed to the pile of large, ripe watermelons in the corner of the room. "Um, it might be a bit messy."

He proceeded to get himself a watermelon, point his wand at it, gave it a circular flick and cried _Lacara!_ As the rest of us watched the rind become badly lacerated in a section about two inches long and an inch wide.

"Wicked." Whispered Ron beside me.

Hermione helped him pass out melons, and the three of them split up to work on the hex, even Harry.

I already knew it. I've been on the receiving end of it once, won't say what for, but let met ell you, it hurts like fucking hell. I practiced it anyway, shredding the melon until it was just oval of red fruit-flesh.

Dean Thomas, a Gryffindor, stopped on his way past once.

"That's really good! How'd you pick it up so fast?"

I sighed. "Think about my family. That's how." I scowled. "Was that all, or, as I'm sure you do, do you have bunch of completely asinine questions that don't concern you?"

"Well, yeah, I mean how do we know you won't go reporting this back to all you Death Eater friends?" Dean drew back a little, afraid of what I might do to him for asking such a question.

"My reasons for being here are none of your business." I spoke loud enough for everyone in the room to hear. "But I can sure as hell promise you this. I swear to Merlin that I am no Death Eater, and I'll die before I become one. I _won't _live that life." I scowled again. "And apparently Harry thinks I'm sincere opr he wouldn't have trusted me with this." I waved to indicate the room behind me and what was going on in it.

_  
But God this road sure can be long  
Another endless day another seven hundred miles  
Will take me further from my home _

After the DA meeting, I walked with Harry, Ron, and Hermione as far as our paths intertwined.

"And _why_ were you late Harry?" Hermione asked sweetly.

"None of your business." he answered just as sweetly.

"Hey, what happened to your neck?' Roan asked, pointing to the spot where I'd bitten Harry.

His hand flew to the spot. "Uh, Peeves threw a rock at me." he lied.

I snorted.

"What?" Hermione asked. "Got something to say?"

"Oh no." I held my hand up in front of me, laughing. "I am not ever fucking talking to you again. You have this annoying habit of getting people to tell you shit." I turned left and started for my dorm.

"Did Malfoy just make a joke?" I heard Ron ask as I walked away.

_Those little things you say,  
When words mean so much  
You never back down.  
When they all shy away  
You always listen to me _

Back in my room, I flopped on my bed. My dorm mates weren't up here yet, they were downstairs talking Pansy through her 'nervous breakdown'. What a fucking pity, and please, note my sarcasm.

"Hey, uh, Draco." I lifted my head and saw Blaise standing in the doorway. "Can I talk to you?"

"Sure." I sat up. Blaise and I are pretty close. Closer I'd say than Crabbe and Goyle, Merlin forbid you try to have an emotionally sophisticated conversation with _those_ morons. So since about third year, we've been confidants, talking about fucking _everything _together.

"The others are drinking themselves into a stupor." he grinned. "So we got plenty of time and privacy."

"So this is a personal conversation?" I raised an eyebrow, playing the Malfoy role to the hilt. Blaise saw through it and threw a pillow at me.

"Yes, you dick. So cut the 'I'm Malfoy, I am God' shit." He pulled up on the bed, folding his legs under him.

"Did you know that your father sent most of us letter telling us to watch out for you, that you might be a traitor?"

Shocked, I shook my head.

"Well he did. And Pansy says that she thinks there's someone else, that's why you broke up with her. Not only that but since you haven't said anything about anyone, that it's probably a Gryffindor. Not to mention that Millicent overheard your father talking to Snape saying that he wasn't pleased with your 'resistance'." He sighed. "So tell me Drake, what's really going on?"

I narrowed my eyes at him, and suddenly knew how Weasley and the rest of Harry's friends at the DA had felt. "How do I know I can trust you?"

Blaise reached over and pulled the curtains on the bed closed, and, just for good measure, silenced the bed. It was a tradition from as far back as I can remember. The closed curtain signified one thing, _what's said here, stays here. PERIOD!_

"Father sent you those letters for good reason." I scowled. "You see, I'll be dammed if I have to be some twisted fuck's slave. I'll be dammed if I have to swallow any of his bullshit about 'pureblood wizards are so wonderful and half-bloods and muggle-born need to die', not when that _thing_ is a half-blood in the first place. He's a hypocritical piece of shit and I won't follow that."

Blaise gave a low whistle. "Wow, Drake, tell me how you really feel." He paused. "So you're _not_ going to be a Death Eater?"

"Hell fucking no." I spat.

He stared at me. "And to think that I-" he started, and then changed his mind what to say, "- I mean, I thought I was the only one who wasn't thrilled. Now come to find out, you too."

"I'll tell you what Harry told me. You do have a choice." I smiled.

"Harry? As in Potter? When the fuck did you get on first name basis with Harry Potter?" Blaise scratched his head. "Some best friend you re, keeping me out of the loop like this. What's going on with Potter? You two are talking?"

I blushed. "Something like that."

"Oh no. Oh hell fucking no. I swear in the name of Merlin if you are fucking Potter I am going to hex you!" he warned. "Your father will kill you!"

I laughed. "You forget Zabini, I'm already not becoming a Death Eater, and so he's probably going to kill me for that. He can't kill me twice. And I'm not fucking him we haven't gotten that far. Just some senseless snogging." I said haughtily.

Blaise stared at me again. I swear, I must be enjoying this, making him shocked too many times in a row is really egging on my inner Slytherin. "But if you want me to tell you when we do get to the shagging, I most certainly will." I grinned mischievously.

"I- Don't- really know what to say. When did this all happen? I mean. What the fuck?" As I started to explain.

**Harry's POV**

I'm sure peole had questions they wanted to ask. Like why I was trusting Draco, but anytime anyone started to ask, I changed the subject to the hex we were working on. It worked and no one pestered too much. I walked with Ron, Hermione, and Draco back towards our room afterwards.

After Draco had headed off to his own dorm Ron stared at me. "Did Malfoy just make a joke?"

I thought for a second. "Yup. I think he did."

"And he didn't even call her a Mudblood!" Ron apparently couldn't get over the fact that now that Draco wasn't trying to make our lives miserable, he was a pretty cool guy.

"So what really did happen to your neck?" Hermione asked. "And don't give me that lame story about Peeves."

"Well Ron said I wasn't allowed to snog Draco in front of him, he never said anything abut not in front of him!" I blurted.

"Oh man, I so did not need to hear that." Ron groaned. "I am so going straight to bed."

"Don't you have an essay to finish?" Hermione queried. "I'm sure you haven't' finished your Charms yet."

"Nag, nag, nag. You sound like my mother."

"Come on, I'll help you, or you'll never get it done." Hermione pulled him up the stairs to the boys' dorm to find his book and half finished essay. I followed behind; listing to her nag him for the mess his part of the room was in, "Honestly Ron, _how_ do you find anything." and smiled.

Four hours later, Ron was sleeping in his bed, and I lay awake, staring at the ceiling, feeling restless. I sat up, put on my glasses, picked up my wand and whispered _Lumos_. I located the Marauder's Map, and my Invisibility cloak. A whisper of 'I solemnly swear I am up to no good', to see where people were to decide my spot for wandering, and-

A dot labeled _Draco Malfoy_ was stationary in the same tiny tower I'd hunted him down in the first night we actually spoke somewhat civilly. I grinned, threw the cloak over me and headed off.

He was sitting, smiling, staring out the window, which was still open, despite the chill of the early October night.

"Hello." I dropped the cloak as he whipped around, wand out. "Paranoid?" I teased.

"Sorry. Blaise let me know that Pansy's being a nosy wench and I thought it might have been her at first." he scowled.

"Blaise told you?" I asked. "Blaise Zabini?"

"Yeah, I have lots to tell you, but not now." he grinned, walking over to me.

"Why not now?" I asked, confused.

"Because I came up here thinking that maybe you wandered every night." his eyes glinted with something feral. It made my insides shiver with strange delight.

"Most nights,-yes" I stammered out.

"I thought so." He smirked his sexy smirked and closed more of the space between us. "The product of tortured minds."

"How do you usually get through them?" I asked suddenly, even though he was too close for usual conversation. The air had become intimate.

_What do I get to get me through this sleepless nights?  
And what do I have to hold when no one's there to hold me tight?  
And what do I see the only thing that gets me through this?_

_That's what I feel and I feel you. _

"The nights are no problem. It's the days that are torture. ." his fingers whispered over my neck. "I want to kiss you."

His lips trapped mine in a deep kiss that I could have stayed in for hours, mouths pressed together, tasting, teasing. We pulled apart gasping. "I feel you." he chuckled, rubbing himself against me, and-Merlin-in-Heaven I thought I might explode.

Desperate, stolen, kisses, behind a closed door in a tiny tower in the middle of the night. Oddly romantic. I think we spent hours touching outside of cloths, kissing every inch of bare skin not covered by our robes. But it had to end. We had to return to our dorms, catch a few hours of needed sleep, and off to breakfast to pretend that we still hate each other.

A/N Sorry, no shagging yet. But next chapter, I promise. I know the make out scenes are a little vague, But you really don't' want to overdo it. I mean really, how many people go through a play by play of making out when they're actually _doing_ it? I sure as hell don't.

I'm happy people like this. I'm having fun writing it, although this chapter was a _pain_ to write. Plot, Plot, Plot. You why they call it plot? That's what your brain does after writing it. _plot._ and passes out.

The _Lacara_ curse:

I figured that since there are only three unforgivable curses, there were bound to be some other REALLY nasty curses that would be used in battle.

To get the name I simply Latinized the word 'lacerate', which is what the spell does. I thought it would be a nifty curse.

I will say that this is a very LONG chapter, and it took me FOREVER to finish. So I would REALLY like it if you pushed my buttons _just_ the right way and clicked that little button that says 'GO!' and leave me a nice little (or not so little) review. I know you want to, go ahead, click it… oh yeah… oh yeah, that's the way.


	6. Love me When I'm gone

_**Away From the Sun**_

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, I'm just a spoony Bard.

Warning! Spoilers for books 1-5. I am going to pretend that anything that happens _Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince_ , witch comes out on July 16 (YEA!) , hasn't happened, so don't kick me if something really cool happens in the book and I make no mention of it.

Warning 2! This is gonna be yaoi, that's boys loving boys, so if you don't like the idea of Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter snogging senseless, don't read, and piss off if ya feel the need to flame me for such.

**Chapter Six**

**Love me When I'm Gone.**

Draco's POV

The second week of October, Dumbledore made an announcement that this year, the older students would be allowed to attend a ball, while the younger student's got to stay up late in their dorms after the feast. The ball was for the fourth years and up. Whoop-di fucking-do.

There was only one person I'd be interested in asking, but the impossibility of it is overwhelming. What better way to announce my non-candidate status for Death Eater of the Year by asking Harry to the dance. It'd be a kamikaze mission from the ninth circle of hell. I think not, for both our sakes.

"What's up?" Blaise sat next to me at the lunch table. It's still early so there aren't a lot of students around right now.

"Hard dicks and flying birds." I answered casually.

Blaise laughed. "Anyway, so what I came here to ask you, I need to talk to you about that conversation the other day. You know which one I'm talking about?"

He had to be talking about our curtained conversation. I nodded, and he continued.

"I talked to Snape." he stopped, more people were coming in. "Later, okay?"

"Yeah." I nodded in agreement, but my mind was elsewhere as Harry had just walked into the room. He was smiling, talking to Hermione and Ron.

"Drake, stop smiling like that, people might think you're in love with him for fuck's sake." Blaise elbowed me.

I grinned at him, my inner Slytherin rearing its ugly head.

"You're mental." he sighed.

I talked nice with the rest of my house when they arrived; well, as nice as Slytherins are anyway.

_There's another world inside of me _

_that you may never see. _

I veered off from my friends shortly after lunch, making some lame ass excuse about having to get a book from the library. Something Crabbe had said sent an alarm off in my head. I needed to talk to Severus, right now.

I checked the staff room first. He wasn't there, but that nasty bitch McGonagal was. Dried up old hag. Wanted to know what I needed Professor Snape for.

Told her to mind her own fucking business, and headed for his office. My feet were light and quick on this familiar path of shortcuts through the castle, down to Severus's classroom.

The classroom door was open; Snape nowhere in sight, but his office door was closed. I closed the classroom door, locked it for good measure, and rushed to his office door. I knocked impatiently. What the fuck was taking him so god damn long to answer the door? I knocked again, a little harder this time, and before my fist was done pounding, the door opened, and I almost punched my godfather in the face. I missed by an inch, however, Severus didn't falter.

"I heard you the first time Draco." he half smiled at me.

"Don't start." I snapped. "Do you have a minute?"

"Always." he opened his office door wider and as I entered I flopped down in the leather arm chair that took up the corner by the door.

"Are we alone?" I asked, well aware that either Dumbledore or the Dark Lord could easily be listening.

"Yes." he stated, sitting in the chair behind his desk. He looked at me puzzled for a moment before asking. "Is everything alright?"

I sighed. "As well as can be expected I suppose." I answered, still half playing the Malfoy role.

"Do you have a question, or is this a social call?" my godfather smirked at me.

"Not really a question. But-" I stopped and studied Severus's face. "I wanted to know if the Headmaster knew about me. And I wanted to know what Blaise talked to you about."

"Yes, the headmaster knows. I doubt there is much that happens in this school he does not know about." Severus looked grim, and then curious. "I would have thought Potter to have taken you to see him by now."

I shook my head in response. "No, we haven't talked about the Order of the Phoenix yet. We haven't had much time to talk, having to keep it secret and all. Unless of course, you think it's a grand idea for Harry and I have our first shag in the middle of the Great Hall." I snorted; the idea not all that unappealing.

"Draco, please, I have no need to hear of you're- er- _exploits_- with Potter." Severus looked _extremely_ uncomfortable, and I laughed at him.

"You should see your face!" I laughed harder, pointing at him.

"It's not funny." he snapped at me. "It's- it's- _embarrassing." _My godfather was now blushing.

"And why's that?" I asked, still trying to stifle my laughter.

"Because of his Occlumency lessons as of late."

"You're teaching Harry Occlumency? Why?" I leaned forward in my chair, paying rapt attention to the man in front of me.

"I began teaching Harry Occlumency in your fifth year. Remedial potions?" he raised an eyebrow at me and a light bulb went on over my head. "I have been teaching him Legilimens this year. It's nearly the disaster that his first Occlumency lessons with me were." He shook his head. "I can see right into his mind, and that includes his memories." He gave me a pointed look. "I've seen quite enough of the two of you snogging. So please, can we not discuss it now? I thought you wanted to know what Blaise told me." He changed the subject quickly, still flushed, and avoiding the amused look on my face.

"Yes, I did want to know what Blaise told you, then I can go off and snog Harry again." I smirked.

"Draco, please." he rubbed his eyes with the heel of his hand before continuing "Blaise came to me with the same concerns you had about joining the Dark Lord. He didn't ask me anything outright, he's not sure if he can trust me, and I don't blame him. I'm a Death Eater, remember?"

I rolled my eyes. "I'll find out what's going on later, he said he wanted to talk to me." I waved the thought away for now. "What I really came here to tell you was that Crabbe told me and Pansy at lunch that he accidentally received a message from his father to the Dark Lord. It has something to do with the school, but I'm not sure what. You know Crabbe; it'll take him a week before he realizes the severity of the object he's got."

Severus's breathing slowed, as if he was trying to keep himself collected. "Do you realize what this could mean Draco?"

I shook my head. "It's not like I got to read the fucking thing, and I'm lucky Crabbe doesn't think before he talks. Anyone could have overheard him for fuck's sake."

"The Dark Lord is intent on making Hogwarts the grounds for what he wants to call 'the final battle'. I just hope he hasn't found a way in." Severus sighed. "I'll have to tell Dumbledore. If we had the letter we would know for sure-"he trailed off, not paying any attention to me.

Something rushed though me. _I_ could get that letter. I sleep about ten feet away from the trunk he threw it in this afternoon. If Crabbe won't realize the importance of said letter in about a week, it'll take him at least that long before he realizes the damn thing's missing.

"I'll get it sir." I blurted.

He snapped his gaze to me. "What?"

I spoke louder this time. "I said I'll get it, sir."

He stared at me, jaw open. "You'll-"

"Get it." I finished. "I can have it for you tomorrow morning." I stood, smiled at my godfather, who sat still gaping at me. "I'll see you before breakfast." I left his office, closing the door behind me.

**Harry's POV**

I didn't get to talk to Draco all day; he vanished after lunch, only to re-appear in Charms class with a determined look on his face. I need to talk to him. Dumbledore wants me to bring Draco, Ron, and Hermione to his office. He mentioned it in passing when he offered me a malt ball.

It took me _forever_ to track him down after class, he was following close to Crabbe and Goyle, acting like the old Malfoy again. I scowled.

"Doesn't act like he's changed a bit." Ron growled as he watched Draco and his friends trip a group of Hufflepuff first years.

I was about to answer him, tell him that it _is_ a secret after all, that it's not like he's going to scream from the top of the tallest tower that he's snogging Harry Potter and has no intention of becoming a Death Eater, when a group of third year girls walked past real slow-like. They whispered something; giggled, looked at me, giggled some more and rushed off.

"Don't start Ron, I already have to deal with scores of giggling girls." I groaned.

"At least they're paying attention you. I don't even so much as get a glance." Ron scowled, looking in Hermione's direction.

""Like I _want _them giggling over me. Remember, I'm, as you like to put it, 'gay with Malfoy." I pushed him. "And if you don't stop moping about Hermione and ask her to the Halloween Ball, I'm going to tell her how you feel and then you'll have to put up with your sister, Fred, and George, harassing you because she asked you out first."

He mock glared at me. "You wouldn't." he stated defiantly.

"I would. Try me." I winked at him. "Just remember that I had the balls to pop into Malfoy Manor and kiss Draco before he even knew what the hell was going on. I just might tell Ginny instead and see how fast Hermione finds out."

"Speaking of Draco, Malfoy just split off from his buddies and turned at the next corridor." Ron pointed down the hallway.

"Good. Now all we need is-"

"Hey!"

"Shit!" I swore and jumped in surprise as Hermione appeared behind me.

"I was just saying- never mind. We have to grab Draco. The Headmaster wants to see us."

Hermione nodded, and went into a rant about the newest homework for potions. In addition to finishing the Veritaserum, we were set to the task of researching the many uses of sandalwood. We turned the corner where Draco had departed from his friends, and I, along with Hermione was knocked over by the smirking blonde that stood in the shadows.

"You alright Harry?' he asked, reaching a hand down to help me up.

"You did that on purpose." Ron scowled as he helped Hermione to her feet.

"Shut up Weasel." Draco growled.

I rolled my eyes at both of them. Hermione saw, and nodded in agreement. I don't think the two of them will ever get along. "Can you two stop?" I groaned. "At least until we get done with Dumble-"

"So the Headmaster and great leader of the Order of the Phoenix finally thinks it's time to talk to me?" Draco sneered. "I don't see why I have to speak to him. He's nothing but a nosey, manipulative-"

I saw red, and pushed Draco into the wall. "You told me once to watch what I said about your godfather. Now I'm telling you to watch what you say about Albus Dumbledore." I let him go. "Are we clear?" Looking directly into his eyes, I could see the change from when he went from Draco, to Draco Malfoy.

"Perfectly." he ground out.

_  
There's secrets in this life _

_that I can't hide._

The three of us ascended to the headmaster's office. Answering the gargoyles with the words 'malt balls', we entered, knocked and waited for his welcome.

I don't think Draco paid any attention to Dumbledore. Though, as usual, Dumbledore pretended that he was paying the utmost attention. Draco, however, seemed more interested in his fingernails. Well he was until the headmaster mentioned there being an 'us'.

"Am I correct in understanding that there is something going on between-" here Draco interrupted him.

"If you're asking if Harry and I are shagging, the answer is 'not yet." Draco smirked at the headmaster. "But otherwise, yes, there is something going on." he looked over at me; half smiled, and went back to his fingernails.

Can you believe that Hermione actually laughed? I glared daggers at both her and Draco. Ron's face was turning red and I wasn't sure if it was from trying not to laugh or if he was pissed.

Dumbledore continued. "So my information is correct." he smiled at Draco and I in turn. "I am happy for both of you and wish you the happiest of days." He continued with the latest news from the Order, at least, what he trusted Draco to know.

As we left his office, Dumbledore winked at me. "I hope the four of you are planning on attending the Halloween Ball. It should be quite fun."

As soon as the door had closed behind us I turned to Draco

"What in the name of Lillith do you think you're trying to prove?" I glared at him. "What part of what Dumbledore said did you actually listen to?"

"I stopped listening to him a long time ago." Draco waved it off like it was nothing. _Nothing!_

"Does him having put you under the Order's protection mean nothing to you? Dumbledore has no reason to trust you except my word." I stabbed him in the chest with my finger.

Draco pushed my finger away. "I'm supposed to be _grateful_ that the most nosey, manipulative-" I tried to punch him but he caught my fist. "Stop it Harry. I'm not stupid." then he turned to Hermione and Ron. "Get bent. This is a private argument."

Ron made to protest, but Hermione grabbed his arm. "C'mon Ron, we're going to be late for Hagrid's class. And somebody's got to be able to tell him why Harry's late."

"But Her-"

"I said come on!" She pulled his arm hard and dragged him down the hallway.

Draco still held my fist in his hand. "You don't understand a _thing_ do you." he growled, then dropped my hand. "If I'm going to be fighting with you, I am fighting with _you_, not the Order. I don't want their protection. Your parent's were under their protection and look what happened to _them_!"

He was shouting now. He leaned in real close and I thought for a few seconds that he was going to scream in my face. "You may be Dumbledore's man Harry, but I'm my own man." He whispered, then turned and walked away, leaving me shocked, and upset in the hall.

**Draco's POV**

After the fiasco in the Headmaster's office, I avoided Harry and his friends at all costs for the rest of the day. I had Divination before dinner, then I would eat, spend my time in the tower doing my homework, and then wait until my dorm mates were asleep, and steal the letter from Crabbe's trunk.

Most people think Trelawney's a real hack. I know better. Her true colors don't shine until you get into her sixth year class. And come to find out, I'm pretty damn good at casting Runes.

Very few people take Divination as far as I have. Those lazy fucks don't have the heart in them to find out which branch they excel at. I entered the classroom and greeted Paravati and the four Ravenclaws in the class. Sitting on a pouf, (and by the way may I add that _pouf_ is the most _ridiculous_ fucking word?) I opened my copy of _The Book of Runes_ by Ralph H. Blum. Professor Trelawney entered from her office.

Not even looking at the class, she picked a book from the shelf. "We will be casting our own Runes today. I think it will be a most enlightening experience. When you have your reading ready, I shall come around and hear what the near future may have in store for you." She turned, smiled at us, "You may begin as soon as you are ready." And sat on her favorite pouf.

_Somewhere in this darkness_

_there's a life that I can't find.  
Maybe it's too far away _

_or maybe I'm just blind, _

I sat, eyes closed, breathing slowly, finding my center. When I felt like I was ready to cast my Runes, I reached into the pouch sitting next to me.

My first Rune was _Othilia_, my second, _Perth_, and my third was _Teiwaz_, I scribbled these down in my notebook, and picked up my book to decipher them.

It didn't take me long to translate them, and the reading fucked my mind over so badly that I sat there staring at them for twenty minutes. It wasn't until Professor Trelawney tapped me on the shoulder that I realized I was the last one in the room with her.

"Draco, I see such an interesting spread before you. Please, tell me what you have read." She sat next to me on the floor as I began.

"_Othilia_ is the Rune of Separation. It signifies a separation of an old path, or old way of life. _Perth_ is the Rune of Initiation and Secret Matters. It has associations with the phoenix, and signifies a profound secret. _Teiwaz _is the Rune of the Warrior. It is a Rune of courage and dedication. Ancient warriors put this Rune on their shields before battle. ." I pointed to each Rune in turn as I explained. The book explanation long forgotten as my brain was putting things together.

Professor Trelawney smiled at me. "You should know that I _know_ of course." I knew this line was major bullshit. She likes to use it on students who know she's not complete rubbish. "However, if you would like to tell me what you believe your reading is referring to, I am more than willing to discuss it with you." She folded her hands in front of her.

"I'm terribly sorry Professor, but if this reading is referring to what I believe it's referring to, then I would rather keep it to myself." I packed up my Runes, notebook and textbook.

"I understand. You'll enjoy yourself at dinner." She smiled again and I took off to the tower to drop my books off, mind still racing.

_Othilia- a separation of an old path or old way of life. Here I am, turning away from everything I've ever known, and suddenly on the opposite side than the one I was born onto. Perth- has associations with the phoenix, and signifies a profound secret. Order of the Phoenix, Dumbledore's pet phoenix, I'm playing the good little Death Eater role to the hilt to my fellow Slytherins, yet I have no plans on joining with them. Teiwaz - courage and dedication. Courage and dedication, so that's what I can blame my sudden desire to transport information from the Death Eaters to the Order. I'm slowly beginning to understand what I have to do. I must have been stupid not to have already seen it. _

Fucking Divination class.

Harry glared at me all through the first half of dinner. That's when things got interesting. So interesting in fact, that the Gryffindor table was the center of attention for the _entire_ Great Hall.

"What the hell do you mean I can't ask Hermione to the ball?" the older Creevey boy, Colin or some shit like that's his name, loudly questioned. I looked over to the table and saw Weasley on his feet staring him down. Granger looked confused, and Harry sat smirking behind his red-haired best friend.

"Exactly what I said. You can't ask 'Mione to the ball because she's going with me!" He stopped a second, looked at the girl in question, and asked, "I mean, you are, aren't you?"

Her mouth stood open and she stared at Weasley like he'd grown two heads for a second before she answered. "Yes I am."

Weasley turned back to Creevey. "See? She's going with me, so piss off." Creevey went back to his seat, and Weasley sat back down. The Great Hall was still silent.

"Ron, you didn't have to yell-" Granger started, but was cut off when Weasley reached over, pulled her to him, and kissed the hell out of her right there in the great hall.

"Bloody hell! Did you see that?" Crabbe poked me. "Fucking Gryffindors get away with everything." Goyle nodded in agreement.

"If that'd been you and Pansy, you both would have gotten a detention."

"MmHmm. I mumbled, still watching the scene. After Weasley pulled away from Granger, both of them blushing, Harry leaned across the table and handed Longbottom some galleons.

After that, the rest of dinner was insufferably dull. I had to listen to Pansy blather on and on about her new robes for the ball, did she mention she was going with Goyle?

"So Draco darling, who are you going to ask?" she asked.

I scowled. "Anyone I feel like." I answered, a very Malfoy response. "I may just go stag and see who I can coax to come away with me." I grinned at that thought, thinking of Harry.

**Harry's POV**

Ron and Hermione took off after dinner upstairs into the boy's dormitory to talk about a few things. I waited until I knew they were deep in conversation (and I know they weren't snogging, I know at least Hermione would want to talk first) before I turned to Colin.

"Thanks, I hated to lose to Neville, but Ron was starting to get on my nerves." Colin grinned at me in response.

"Not a problem. You weren't the only one who had to listen to it." He sat in one of the chairs in front of the fire and I sat across from him. "So who are you going to ask to the ball?"

I frowned. "I don't know. I don't think I'm going to ask anyone." I sighed. "But if I wanted to, it's not like there's a shortage of girls."

Colin laughed at that before getting up and picking up his bag. "I suppose I should start on this mountain of homework. Merlin, N.E.W.T. classes are a bitch."

"Wait till next year, it doesn't get any easier." I kicked the bag of books next to me. Colin laughed again and headed up to the sixth year boy's dorms. I sighed and looked down at the pile of books sitting next to me. "Might as well get started." I muttered to myself.

_So hold me when I'm here _

_right me when I'm wrong.  
Hold me when I'm scared _

_and love me when I'm gone._

I rubbed my neck. It was starting to get stiff. I finished my Transfiguration, Charms, and Herbology homework. I was now working on Potions. I hate potions. I glanced up at the clock and did a double-take. Three-thirty in the morning. I snapped my book shut, the essay wasn't due till Monday and I had all weekend to finish it. I stood, stretched, and picked up my bag.

Upstairs, my dorm mates were asleep. Ron snored from his bed and I suppressed a laugh when he muttered ' 'Mione.' in his sleep. My stomach rumbled. It was late; there wouldn't really be anyone around…. It growled again. I made my decision, grabbed my invisibility cloak, the map, and headed out of the tower.

There was no one in the halls. I didn't even see Mrs. Norris. I made my way down to the kitchens, tickled the pear, and was greeted promptly by a wrinkly, round head, bat-like ears, and the screech of:

"Harry Potter sir! Oh Dobby is so pleased you have come to visit!"

I spend at least a half hour in there. Dobby wanted to talk, and the other elves just kept brining me food, even after I insisted to them that I was full and couldn't eat another bite. By the time I was able to get out of the kitchen portrait it was nearly quarter after four. I glanced at my map, just in case someone happened to be wandering around this early in the morning, a professor perhaps, on their way to get their morning coffee.

There on the map, in the little tower where Draco and I sometimes meet late at night, was a dot labeled "Draco Malfoy".

I quickly wrapped my cloak around me and made way to the tiny tower, though I wasn't sure why. The door was half open and I could see Draco's white-blonde hair glowing in the moonlight. He was staring out into the early morning.

"I was hoping you'd show up." He turned to me, I wasn't even aware he knew I was present. My cloak should have covered all of me.

I whipped it off. "How did you know I was here?" I asked.

"You bumped the door on the way in." he half smiled.

"What are you doing up here?" I half snapped at him, remembering our earlier argument.

"I need a reason to be here?" he cocked an eyebrow at me, then sighed. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to sound like an asshole."

"You are one." I shot back.

Draco stood and stepped close to me. "Don't act all high and mighty. I waited here for you so I could say I was sorry. But if you're going to be 'The Great Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived', then I won't bother." He made to push past me but I stopped him.

"Draco, stop. I'm sorry. I-"

"Don't say you're sorry. You have no reason to be." He sighed again and sat back down on the little window seat, leaving just enough space for me to sit next to him, which I did.

"Look, Harry, I was wrong. I had no real reason to say that shit about Dumbledore. I just got my head all turned around, what with practically being a spy for you." He leaned his head on my shoulder.

I have to admit its a little weird when Draco gets cuddly. Yet, when he touches me, even the slightest, I can think of nothing else but him.

"I just wanted to tell you that there's going to be times when it's hard." he lifted his head and looked into my eyes. "I can't always be who I really am, even though you showed me I'm not Junior Death Eater of the Year. I still have to play my part."

Staring at him didn't help me understand what he was saying, I was still confused. "Draco-"

"No more talking, no more arguing tonight. I came here to say I'm sorry. I said it, now let's just-"

"Snog uncontrollably?" I interrupted.

Draco grinned wickedly. "I was going to say enjoy each other's company, but-" he leaned in closer "-I can handle snogging uncontrollably." Then his lips were on mine.

**Draco's POV**

After the sun rose, Harry and I left the tiny tower, he under the cover of his invisibility cloak, and me on my way to Severus's office. The letter from Crabbe's trunk stolen away in one of the pockets of my robes.

"Good morning sir." I welcomed him as I stepped inside.

"Good morning Draco." he smiled at me. "Are you going to Hogsmead this weekend for a costume?" The idle chit-chat was simply a mandatory thing. Not like either of us give a crap about this bullshit.

"Yes. I'm looking forward to it." as I said this, I reached into my robes and removed the envelope I'd pilfered from my dorm mate's trunk. "I have something for you sir." and set it on his desk.

My godfather didn't say anything for awhile. He sat, looking alternately at me, then the letter on his desk. "I didn't think you were serious Draco. I thought that you had meant- it doesn't matter what I thought. Thank you."

I shrugged. "Not a big deal." I turned away from him and left the office, leaving the door open behind me. There was someone I needed to talk to, now.

_  
Everything I am _

_and everything in me  
Wants to be the one _

_you wanted me to be._

It didn't take me long to track down the person I was looking for. The conversation was brief, and as I walked away, I felt like I was doing something right for the first fucking time ever. I glanced at the time as I passed the clock in the main entry hall. Breakfast was already half over; I needed to hurry if I didn't want anyone thinking I'd done anything more than spent a few extra minutes in the shower to jerk off.

I groaned when that thought raced through my head. I am, well, was, after all, the most sexually active person in my whole house, and I haven't had sex in, let me think here, three months. Fuck me, I don't get it. If Harry was a girl I'd have had him bend over and begging by now.

I scowled as I entered the Great Hall, what the hell has gotten into me? I shook my head, the table was full when I arrived there, but they moved when I approached.

"What took you so long?" Goyle inquired, his mouth still full of half chewed eggs.

"Could you be any more disgusting you fat stupid blob?" I growled at him. "Try swallowing before you talk to people."

"You're awfully pissy this morning." Blaise drawled. "When was the last time you got laid?"

"Piss off." I glared at him.

"Why haven't you found a new girlfriend anyway?" Crabbe put down his fork. Somewhere over the summer he developed table manners. "I mean, you're one horny son-of-a-bitch."

I shrugged. "Maybe I don't want a girlfriend. Maybe I've got other things on my mind." I looked down the table and asked, "Hey Pansy, can you pass the pancakes?", thus ending the conversation.

After breakfast, the older students met in the courtyard so the third years could hand in their permission slips, and they could give us the usual 'behave yourselves' lecture. You know the one I'm talking about, 'you set an example for all of Hogwarts students. One person behaves badly, it reflects upon us all.' etc. etc.

As the crowd of students dispersed, splitting up into smaller groups of friends, I separated from the Slytherins. Of course they were all too busy to notice that I vanished. The girls were being typical bitches, talking about the ball this, the ball that. No wonder I'm queer. They guys were involved in Quittich; they wouldn't notice I wasn't here until after they got the girls out of the clothes shop. That could take for fucking ever.

I headed straight for the Hog's Head. I sat in a table near the back, ordered a Firewhiskey, and waited.

It took about twenty minutes for the party I was expecting to enter the bar. Harry, Ron, Hermione, Longbottom, Luna, and the little Weasley(whose name fails me) trooped inside and headed straight for me.

I stood in greeting, bowed slightly, and in the most elegant manner, "Delighted you could join me." I smiled. Being a Malfoy was good for something, charm.

"Make it quick Malfoy or I'll rip off you head." Ron growled. Hermione smacked his arm, and Harry rolled his eyes.

"Don't be impatient." I snapped. "Now then," I turned to Hermione. "Miss Granger, will you start this little meeting?"

She nodded and began. "Yesterday morning Vincent Crabbe received a not from the Dark Lord to his father on accident. The letter is currently in the hands of and Order Member, thanks to a certain blonde Slytherin."

Harry looked over at me suddenly, but didn't say anything. Hermione continued.

"Draco's got this idea, I think it's wonderful. But it'll be very dangerous for anyone involved." The table was quiet. No one spoke; I felt every one of them staring at me.

"How dangerous?" asked Luna.

"It could cost someone their life." I answered bluntly.

"Why should we trust you Malfoy?" Neville spoke up from his seat next to (what the fuck is her name?) the little Weasley.

"Either do or don't, I don't give a fuck. All you need to know is that I'm on Harry's side." I shot at him.

"Let's hear your plan Draco." Luna interjected. "After all, it can't hurt to hear it, can it?"

"I s'pose not." Ron groaned. "Sitting in a bar, listing to Malfoy. What the hell is wrong with me?" He hit himself in the head, reached over, and took a drink out of my mug without even asking.

He sputtered, his face turned red, he stopped breathing for five seconds, and fought the battle to suck air. I love Firewhiskey virgins.

"Is-is that- is that Firewhiskey?" he finally sputtered.

I laughed. "You- your face- wish I'd had a camera! Perfect!"

""You're a prefect Draco! How could you?" Hermione looked hurt, and for some reason it made me feel slightly guilty, but only slightly.

"Easy, I walked up to the bar and ordered it." I smirked. "You made me change the subject Weasley."

Harry handed his friend a butterbeer. "This will smooth you out." he told him.

"Anyway, before Weasley interrupted, my idea." I took a deep breath. "You guys have worked on training a small army as the DA. That's something the Dark Lord doesn't have. Yes, he's got the junior Death Eaters, but they're not _trained_ like the DA. They haven't practiced hexes and curses like you have. But they will get involved. They will fight in this. You guys formed this group, but you have yet to use it to its full potential."

"What the hell are you talking about? Stop circling the idea and just tell us what it bloody is!" Weasley's little sister had a temper as fiery as her hair.

"Calm down. I'm getting to it." I leaned back in my chair and took a slug of my drink. "Let me ask you something. Why aren't you already in the Order?"

Weasley scowled. "Because we're not old enough and out of school."

"You?" I asked Longbottom.

"Same." he replied.

"Same" the little Weasley.

"Same" Luna.

"Same." Hermione.

"Same." Harry.

"This is my idea. The junior Death Eater's are the eyes and ears for the Dark Lord at Hogwarts. We need to be gathering information; we need to be getting ready for this. Why don't you make the DA a junior Order?"

"That's kinda what we are." Harry looked confused.

"Students go places no professor does. Harry, you know that." I nodded at him. "This morning I turned over the letter Crabbe received to Snape. There's proof right there. There's so mush that we could accomplish that the Order can't."

Hermione joined in the explanation again. "Draco's volunteering to be a spy. But he wants nothing to do with the actual Order. I agree with him. We can't join because of our educational status, but it doesn't mean we can't do _something_. We can gather information, and choose a professor from the Order to pass things onto."

"Not Dumbledore." I interjected. "No offence Harry, but I can't trust him like you do yet. But I would trust Professor Snape. I'm already ordered to report to him since I am the leader of the Dark Lord's junior squad and I already have to report to him for that."

Harry scowled, but nodded.

_I'll never let you down _

_even if I could.  
I'd give up everything _

_if only for your good. _

"That's it, that's your plan?" the little Weasley growled.

"Yes." I stated.

"And you want to spy for us while you lead the junior Death Eaters around school?" Longbottom gave me a look of disbelief.

"That's the general idea." I leaned back in my char. "Besides, they're all a bunch of morons. They'll never even think to question my loyalty."

"Do you think we should vote on it?" Hermione asked quietly.

'Yes." Harry answered.

"Alright, those of you who feel that Draco's idea is a good one, raise your hand."

Six hands went up. I stared at them in shock. "Just like that?" They're so willing to trust me. Maybe Gryffindors aren't really that bad. (I mentally smacked myself for that thought.)

They nodded though. Then the conversation changed. Hermione said she had to buy a new robe for the ball, both the little Weasley (still can't remember her name) and Luna got up with her to shop. I'll never fucking understand girls.

After they left, Weasley turned to me. "I shouldn't have to say this, but being Harry's best friend, I gotta. If you hurt him Malfoy, I'll rip out your heart."

"Christ Ron! Do you have to embarrass me?" Harry groaned.

I laughed. "Don't worry about it Weasley. I'm giving up my whole world for him. I don't think I'd hurt him after that." I stood, leaned down to kiss Harry's cheek even though we were in a half public setting, tipped an imaginary hat to Weasley and walked out the door.

The rest of the weekend passed uneventfully, well not completely. I did meet Harry in our tower for a very enjoyable snog session Saturday night.

It was Monday morning when I got the letter from my father.

Draco-

I will be arriving Monday afternoon to speak with you. I have arranged for you to met me in the Hog's Head at one o'clock. You will be there.

Your father

Lucious Malfoy.

Fuck. The last person I wanted to see right now. My Father. I'll bet you any number of things that he's here to convince me to take the Dark Mark over the Christmas holiday.

Double Transfiguration was slow, lecture day. We got to listen to McGonagal blather on and on about what we do to conjure food.

I hate this class.

Lunchtime rolled around still too quickly for my liking. When my headed for the Great Hall, I headed for the Entrance Hall. I made my way quickly to the Hog's Head and spotted my father almost immediately. He was sitting in the very same spot I had sat yesterday.

He greeted me when I approached. "Ah, Draco, you're here. I took the liberty of ordering you a whiskey." he indicated the chair I should sit in. I took my seat.

"Thank you." I responded, sipping the glass.

"How are your classes?" he raised an eyebrow at me.

"Fairly well." I set my glass down. "Have you heard Parkinson's ridiculous idea?"

Father took a drink of his own glass and set it down. "You may be referring to the idea she has that you are a traitor?"

"What other ridiculous notions has she come up with lately? Of course that's the one." I snorted.

"Yes, I have heard it. That is why I am here today. You have withdrawn yourself Draco. The Slytherin house needs you to lead them."

It's a game I play with him. What's the correct answer? How long will it be before he thinks I'm being a smartass and he decks me? Well, let's see, shall we?

"Lead them? No, order them around is more like it. Not that issuing them commands does any good. I tell them to lay low and they don't. I tell them to back off of me and they don't.-" before I could play my new role to the hilt, Father smacked my left cheek. Not hard, but enough to catch my attention.

"I did not ask for excuses, I asked for you to explain yourself." his voice was low and cool. If I didn't say this just right, I was going to be in for some serious pain.

"I am trying Father. I asked them to back off so I could do some research. I can't lead them very well if I don't know what I'm doing can I?" I raised an eyebrow in his direction. "Wouldn't make a very good leader, or first draft choice if I didn't, now would I?"

"Your point is taken." He stood. "Now you must excise me son, I have other matters to attend to as well this afternoon."

_  
When your education x-ray _

_cannot see under my skin.  
I won't tell you a damn thing_

_that I could not tell my friends. _

He shook my hand, finished his drink in one fell swig, and left the bar in a flurry of robes.

I sighed. This was _my_ idea? I'm a fucking moron. I finished my drink slowly before returning to the castle.

**Harry's POV**

We had hashed out a few more details about the new direction of the DA after lunch. Apparently Draco had laid an entire plan out before Hermione, and she could find no reason not to go through with it, and no flaws. Not all of the DA would be involved in this movement, just the seven of us that met in Hogsmead. He would report to Snape, and lead the junior squad of Death Eaters on a pointless mission.

"Why'd he volunteer for this when he knows his dad will kill him if he finds out?" Ron wondered aloud.

"I don't know." I answered him. Hermione laughed.

"What's so funny?" Ron asked her.

"Oh nothing. It's just that I figured something out." she shook her head and picked up a piece of paper off one of the desks in the room. "Did you know that Neville has a huge crush on Ginny?" she turned to us. "Look, it's a poem he was trying to write!"

"So what? Neville's a good guy." Ron shrugged. "Good luck to him though. My sister's about as bad as a guy when it comes to those kind of things."

"I resent that!" I shot at him. "If you say that guys don't like a little romance, then I'll hex you!" I laughed at him, pulling out my wand.

Ron reached for his as well. "Well maybe it's only gay guys that like romance!"

I threw a tickling jinx at him, he threw a trip jinx at me, we both fell over laughing.

"Boys." Hermione shook her head at us.

"I have plans to meet with Draco in our tower tonight. There's something I want to do." I stood, and let my jinx off of Ron.

"This sounds awfully a lot like boy talk." Hermione said.

"It is." I told her. "Sorry."

"I don't mind. I have some reading to do anyway. I'm off to the library." She smiled at both of us, gave Ron's hand a small squeeze and left.

Ron looked at me, still laying on the floor. "Is this something I want to hear about, or just something I need to hear about weather I want to or not?" he grimaced. "It's about your sex life with Malfoy isn't it?"

I threw a pillow from Dean's bed at him. "Yes! Now shut up and do the best friend thing and tell me what to do!"

"What to do? What do you mean, what to do?" his face went white, eyes wide, and he sputtered: "Holy shit! You want to _shag_ him?"

I looked at the floor. I could feel my cheeks flaming.

"Uh… yeah."

"Oh." came his blunt reply to that. He stood there, looking shocked for about three minutes before he spoke again. "I'm going to pretend that Draco is a girl okay? Just so my head doesn't explode with the thought of-"

Face hot, I interrupted him, "Actually, it might be better if you thought of me as the girl."

"WHAT!"

"Well, It's just that-" I blushed harder, feeling like my face was on fire I responded, "I want him to be on top."

"You mean you're going to let Malfoy- no, I can't even say it." he put his hands over his ears and shook his head.

"Then I'll say. I want Draco to shag me, I want him to-"

"STOP!" Ron screamed at me. "Sorry," he calmed himself when I didn't finish my sentence. "I mean, I really don't care that you want him to- whatever- I just don't want to hear the details. I bet 'Mione'd be good for that." He turned back and looked at me. "How'd you come to _that_ conclusion about your sex life with Malfoy?"

"It'd be just _un-Malfoy_ of him to have it any other way. I know it. Not that I think he's arrogant about it or anything, but it wouldn't be like him to let me top him. And that's part of why I love him." My face still flushed, I stared at the ground.

"I'm so going to pretend you didn't just say that." Ron went back to changing into his pajamas.

_Now roaming through this darkness_

_I'm alive but I'm alone.  
Part of me is fighting this _

_but part of me is gone._

The whole way up to the tower, I shook. I haven't been this nervous since the first time I played Quittich. He was already sitting there in the moonlight when I opened the door. I whisked off my cloak and he greeted me with a light kiss.

"One of these day's you have to show me how you do that." he whispered. "You're late."

"I am not." I kissed him a little harder.

"Yes you are, by thirty seconds." He kissed me back, tracing my lips with his tongue, then opening his mouth to taste me.

"You're so-" but my words were lost when he kissed me fully. I wrapped my arms around him, tangling my fingers in his hair. He pushed me against the wall, kissing down my neck and collar bone.

"Merlin Harry, don't you ever know when to shut up?" He kissed me again, crushing my body to him. I could feel his hard-on digging into my thigh.

Hands touching each other, mouths tasting, I unclasped his robes and moments later mine joined his on the floor. Shirts were discarded, though I'm not sure at what point in time.

Still pinned against the wall, Draco reached for the zipper on my pants, my foggy head, filled with erotic images of what would probably happen next, snapped back into reality when I realized he'd stopped and was staring at me.

"Something wrong?" I breathed.

"No, just- are you sure?" Sure of _what_ he didn't ask, nor did he need to.

"Gods yes." I groaned, pulling him closer to me. "Gods yes." I kissed him deeply as he continued with his prior mission of removing the last article of offending clothes. When they joined the rest of the pile, he stepped back and looked me over.

"Who'd have guessed that Harry Potter goes commando." As he _stared_ at me, making me feel slightly embarrassed, I blushed. He pulled me back into his embrace, the cotton of his school pants feeling almost harsh against my bare skin.

He bit me, the pain of it confused into pleasure, and I moaned. My hands seemed to have a mind of their own, tearing at the button and zipper to his pants, they slid off his hips, pooling at his feet. He kicked them off, and I was vaguely aware that somewhere, somehow, we'd removed our shoes.

Pressing me into the wall again he ground into me, eliciting moans of pleasure, and desired relief from both of us.

"Draco-" I half whispered, "I want-"

He didn't let me finish, cutting me off with a kiss, lifting my legs around his waist, pressing into me.

**Draco's POV**

It felt like I _crashed_ into him. I haven't ever felt like this, overwhelmed by feeling. Fucking girls was all tactical; I knew what to do to them to make them scream. Harry was different, his skin drove me insane, his scent aroused me, the fact that his legs wrapped around my waist as I lifted him entranced me.

Pure fucking bliss, it's the only way to describe it. He actually came before I did, without ever even touching himself, letting lose with a scream as he did.

Harry is a screamer.

When I came, I collapsed against him, moaning his name. I let him down so he could stand, however, his legs didn't seem to want to work and he almost fell to the ground before I caught him.

He didn't say anything as I leaned on him leaning on the wall, both of us desperately trying to catch our breath. I looked at him, his face flushed, both of us sticky with his cum.

"You're gorgeous." I whispered. He kissed me lightly in response.

"If I'm sore tomorrow, I'm totally blaming you." He replied, a light silly grin on his face.

"You do that." I told him. Looking behind us at our pile of clothing I grinned, the emblems on our robes for our houses lay next to each other, and for some fucked up reason, I couldn't see that as a problem.

We sat there, snuggled against each other's nakedness until the sun started to peek up over the windowsill.

"Shit." I stood and went to the window, sitting on that tiny fucking window seat, looking out over the lake. "Harry, come here."

He stood and joined me, sitting in front of me so I could wrap my arms around him.

"We should both go." he whispered.

"Not yet." I told him. "I want to watch the sunrise with you." I smiled at him; he smiled back and leaned into my chest, both of us taking in the glow of the warming sun.

_  
So hold me when I'm here _

_right me when I'm wrong.  
Hold me when I'm scared _

_and love me when I'm gone. _

We dressed after the sun was up, I kissed him again before we went our separate ways, he, back to the Gryffindor tower, and I back to the den of snakes.

I sat at breakfast after a short nap; the conversation seemed cheerful, as usual.

"Where were you last night Draco?" Crabbe asked, again, his mouth full of food.

"How many fucking times to I have to tell you not to talk with your mouth full!" I shot at him. "And for your information, it's none of your fucking business where I was last night."

"Will you look at Potter?" Pansy snorted. "He looks like he's _glowing!"_

"Bet he got laid." Goyle muttered.

"What girl in their right mind would touch a skinny mop haired piece of shit like him? I mean besides other Gryffindorks, and as far as I know, he's not seeing anyone." Pansy scoffed at this and continued eating.

I burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?" Blaise asked, a confused look on his face.

"Potter and a _girl?_ Please Pansy, show a little intelligence here. Potter is fucking _gay_." I snorted, trying to stop myself from laughing.

"Oh." Came her response.

When I stopped laughing, and recovered form oxygen deficiency, I looked at my fellow seventh years.

"You all know what task I have been assigned to." They nodded. "Very well then, I suppose we should get this ball rolling. I've been dong some research; and I think we're about ready to begin."

Smiles came forth from them, even Blaise, who had enough sense after our most recent conversation, last night before I went to meet Harry, to play his part. Breakfast went on as usual from that point on.

I spread the word after breakfast that upcoming initiates to the Death Eaters should meet me on the Quittich pitch after lunch. Separated from my classmates, and headed for my godfather's chambers.

The door was open when I arrived at his office. Father was here. I stood outside the doorway, like I was taught when I was younger. My father noticed me before Severus did.

"Draco." he greeted me as he stood, my cue to enter the room.

"Father, sir." I addressed my godfather formally in my father's presence.

"What can I do for you boy." The tone of voice Severus reserves especially for me not evident here in the least. His tone was the same curt tone he used in the classroom and during meetings.

"I am here to report sir." I stood at half attention, kicking the door behind me closed. My father sat up straighter in his chair and paid rapt attention to what I might say next.

"I came to tell you that the junior squad will begin its meetings today."

"You are done with your research?" Father questioned in _that_ tone of his, the dangerous tone that says I might be treading on thin ice.

"Yes sir, I am. I believe I am now ready to attend to the task you have entrusted to me." I tried to remember that one wrong word, and I'd be wearing the bruise for a week.

"It took you long enough." Severus snapped.

"I apologize for my transgression in speed. However, I did not wish to begin this endeavor unprepared." I folded my hands in front of me. This was going to be easier than I thought. I turned directly to my father to put the icing on this bullshit cake.

"Father, I also wished to apologize for my seeming resistance this past summer. When you asked this task of me, I was unready, I regret that I had such-" I searched for a suitable word, then spit it out as hard as I could, "-_weakness_."

He raised his left eyebrow at me, then smiled. I smiled back.

"Is there anything else?" my father inquired.

"No sir. I will report to Professor Snape at least once a week to keep him, and therefore you, informed."

He nodded to that before dismissing me. "Good, I look forward to updates on your progress."

I left, and it wasn't until after I had gotten back to the common room that I felt my stomach drop out beneath me. I just lied to my father's face. I fucking lied to his face and I got away with it. I needed to rejoice. I had to find Harry!

_Everything I am_

_and everything in me.  
Wants to be the one _

_you wanted me to be,  
Ill never let you down_

_even if I could.  
I'd give up everything _

_if only for your good. _

I tore through the halls, knowing that he and his friends would be coming out of their tower, or else I'd just missed them. In that case they'll be just down the hall. I rounded the corner and ran into the youngest Weasley (and fucked if I still can't remember her name).

"Weasley!" I picked her up off the floor and she glared at me.

"I have a name you know!" she shot at me.

I felt bashful, as if my mother had just yelled at me. "I- I'm sorry." I looked down at the floor and picked a book she had missed. "But since I'm the stupid git you think I am, I've forgotten your name. That is if I had ever bothered to learn it in the first place." The last part came out in the Malfoy drawl. I couldn't help it! She's kinda adorable when she's angry, you know, like a kitten you just want to laugh at?

"It's Ginny you dick!" she screamed. Fucking Christ this girl had a set of lungs on her.

Harry came out of the portrait just then, followed closely by Ron and Hermione. As soon as I saw my raven haired lover, I grabbed him by the arm and ran down the hallway with him, oblivious of the strange looks given to me dragging him down the hall by nosy, gossiping bitches.

"Draco!" I stopped and he ran into me, almost, but not quite knocking me over.

"I did it; I managed to lie right to his face." I was babbling- but fucked if I cared, I just wanted Harry to bask with me in the light. "I mean _right to his fucking face_ Harry!"

"Stop! What the hell are you talking about? You're not making any sense!" Harry stared at me as I ranted on for a few more seconds before collecting myself.

"My father Harry. I'm starting the junior Death Eater meetings today, I went to tell Severus-" here I continued on to inform him of the entire scene, almost word for word. "But to his _face_ Harry! I've never been able to do that before!"

He grinned at me. "Outstanding. So it begins." He kissed me fervently, "I do have to go to class you know. And so do you." Kissing me lightly on the lips once more before leaving, Harry collected himself and went back in the direction I'd abducted him from.

Realizing I was going to be late to Transfiguration, no matter how I looked at it, I raced back tot the Slytherin tower to collect my books and rush to class.

Late as I expected, I took the loss of house points rather graciously, throwing the old hag off her loop for a few seconds before I took my seat.

I stared at the back of Harry's head through class. I'll copy notes from either Pansy or Blaise later. It can only get harder from here on in. I'm a little frightened, fuck that, I'm scared as shit. I don't know how Harry does this.

On the way out of class, I 'accidentally bumped' into Harry and his friends.

"Watch where you're going Malfoy!" he snarled at me, only I could see the humor in his eyes.

"You're the one who has to wear glasses, so if it's somebody's fault in vision, it's yours." I pushed him, at the same time putting a note in his robes that read: _Tonight, our tower…midnight_

As I walked away, joined by Pansy and Goyle, I smiled.

"What's so funny Drake?" Pansy asked in the most sickeningly sweet voice. Apparently she's decided to get back on my good side after this morning's announcement.

"Just that Potter doesn't know what he's getting himself into." I grinned at the double meaning. Bitch thought I was talking about the Dark Lord. _I_ was talking about my heart.

_So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong  
You can hold me when I'm scared, _

_you won't always be there,  
So love me when I'm gone.  
Love me when I'm gone._

A/N

Holy shit! Yes, the chapter is finally up, (does a little happy dance) for those waiting, I love you, for those of you perhaps just stumbling onto this… Hello and salutations!

The Book of Runes is a real book, and Ralph H Blum is the author and if you have interest in forms of Divination and have found Tarot cards to really not be your thing, check it out. All Rune information has been slightly edited for space, but the general idea of the Runes is still there. And it is all correct too.

Draco is the one who couldn't remember Ginny's name, not me.

I'm so terribly sorry this took me so long! I had to move into school and all that jazz, got a new computer (it's a Sony vaio) and the faeries took me on a crazy ride.

But I have four special thank you's!

Rin RavenIce: I'm so happy you're enjoying this! And see… I said by Friday and it's currently 1:46 am on Friday. You owe me hugs!

Blusorami: I guess I got you hooked huh?

Verdragon: yup, people are reading, they just don't get off their butts and review… But thanks for your happy review!

Thank you to all three of you for putting me on alert! I promise I will try to update more often!

And finally!

Truthxinxshadow: ok ok ok, no Draco and Hermione. It's not often I get reviews like yours, it made my day!

And hey, the rest of you could really make my day…and press the review button. Come on, I know you want to!


	7. My last Breath

_**Away From the Sun**_

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, I'm just a spoony Bard.

Warning! Spoilers for books 1-5. I am going to pretend that anything that happens _Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince_ , witch comes out on July 16 (YEA!) , hasn't happened, so don't kick me if something really cool happens in the book and I make no mention of it.

Warning 2! This is gonna be yaoi, that's boys loving boys, so if you don't like the idea of Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter snogging senseless, don't read, and piss off if ya feel the need to flame me for such.

**Chapter Seven**

**My Last Breath**

**Draco's POV**

I received the note on the eve of Halloween at breakfast. It would be my first official meeting with the Death Eaters as a junior representative. The message was coded of course. I didn't expect anything different from my father. I was to sneak off the school grounds and meet my father near the Shrieking Shack during the ball. The idea was that Dumbledore and the rest of the teachers would be too preoccupied with chaperoning the older students and babysitting the younger ones that they wouldn't notice if one student wasn't where he was supposed to be.

I wasn't going to see Harry at the ball. Shit. Fuck. I mentally swore at the whole bullshit situation.

I folded the letter into a fold in my robes, keeping it away from prying eyes. I'd had the first of the junior Death Eater meetings two days ago.

**2 days earlier**

"This meeting will come to order." I snapped at my fellow seventh year housemates as I entered the boys dormitory. They quieted almost immediately.

I flopped into an armchair, taking in the people before me. Blaise, who has already come to his own conclusions about where his loyalties lie and has joined the DA, Pansy and Nott, both dead set on becoming Death Eaters to make their parents proud and ready to turn any who defy the Dark Lord over to him on a silver platter, Crabbe and Goyle, neither of them really having enough brains between them to worry about weather they're on the right side or not, and Millicent Bulstrode, whose loyalties are still questionable.

"I'm going to make this short, considering this is our first meeting." I nonchalantly picked up a nail file one of the girls had left in the room and began to file my nails. "However, before we begin this little-" I searched for the right word, "-pow-wow, I should address any questions you have concerning our little 'club'." I smirked, playing the Malfoy role to the hilt, and having fun with it, knowing that everything said here would be reported to both the DA and Severus.

"How are we supposed to trust you Draco?" Pansy shot at me, glaring over Millicent's head.

I pretended to look hurt. "Honestly Pansy. Do you think for one second that the Dark Lord, or my father for that matter, would entrust the development of this swaray unless they had complete confidence in me?" I gave her a pointed look and passed on. "Anything else?"

No one answered, there were no more questions. Their only question had been my loyalty. What pathetic losers. I figured now is as good a time as any to attempt to defer any other Slytherins to the DA if they themselves did not want to live the so-called- life offered by the Dark Lord and his followers.

"I should inform you of what tasks you will be expected to undertake on the day of your initiation." I picked up a ledger, bought specifically for this, and began to read form it.

"The Dark Mark will be burned into your flesh; you will then prove your loyalty to our lord in whatever way he sees fit." I paused and winked at Pansy. "And from what I have been told, he's a rather twisted being." She smiled at this, making my stomach churn. "After you have proven where you heart truly lies, you will be on a probationary status until the Dark Lord sees that you are truly behind him and his cause." I snapped the book shut and looked at my companions with as cold of a gaze as I could.

The room was silent. Blaise had chosen to keep his gaze, unfaltering, on me, Pansy's eyes glowed ion sickening excitement, Crabbe and Goyle had the same (I swear to Merlin its fucking permanent!) dumb looks on their faces as always. Only Millicent's response was not predictable. She frowned, and looked away from me.

The meeting had continued with my statement of authority over them. They had nodded in assent, none of them saying anything.

**end Flashback**

Since then I'd started them on making charts for younger student's safety within our own house. Pansy had asked me about this but I'd snapped at her in response, telling her that "Oh yes, let's allow the youngest of the purebloods to be injured when Potter and his friends go gallivanting around the school with their wands, playing Order Member."

Now that Halloween was upon us, the tables were noisy as all hell. Students were chatting loudly about the ball that night. The ball I won't be attending. The ball I'll be missing to meet with the Dark Lord and his Death Eaters.

I live charmed fucking life don't I?

Classes went too fast for me, too slow for the rest of the school. During Potions, I deliberately blew up the miniature cauldron full of our boiling owl blood, making my godfather snap at both Harry and I to 'see him after class'.

"What in the name of Marduk do you think you're doing Draco?" Severus raised an eyebrow at me as Goyle walked past.

Harry chose this time to sneer at me. "Malfoy, if I get a detention out of this I'm going to-"

"Going to what Potter." My godfather smirked. "Goyle, close the doors so the third years know I'm busy." He directed as said person was leaving the classroom. The door closed with a quiet bang, and both Harry and Severus looked at me confused.

"Draco, you never blow anything up." Harry stated quietly. Severus didn't comment, he gave me the look that said Harry had taken the words out of his mouth.

"I know." I started pacing across the classroom. "I received a letter this morning, from my father."

"I already know." Severus reached to his desk and picked up his steaming mug of tea. Handing it to me, he forced me to sit in his chair. "Calm down before you hyperventilate."

I took a drink of the tea; it was as sickeningly sweet as he always drank it. My godfather continued, oblivious that Harry was lost. "I received a letter as well, to make sure that you are not missed." He gave me a pointed look, "you should damn well make sure your way in and out of the castle is covered."

I nodded, and before I could begin to ask my godfather a suitable route, Harry interrupted.

"Wait, hold on. You both left me about two pages ago. What's going on tonight that you need a way out of the castle?"

I turned to face him. I sighed, looking at the floor, and told him the truth. "Tonight is the night they are going to mark me."

He didn't speak, and I was actually afraid to look at him, to see the hurt and disappointment in his eyes. Instead, when I looked at him, his eyes shone with unshed tears as he reached into a fold in his robes and pulled out an old piece of parchment. I'd seen it once before, he'd used it to get us to a DA meeting without running into anyone.

He tapped it with his wand, muttering something I couldn't quite hear, and a map of the school appeared on the blank parchment. A _complete_ map of Hogwarts, including secret passages and labels with people's names, honing in on their exact location at that point in time.

"You want to go here." He pointed at a statue of a witch close to the Gryffindor common room. "All you have to do is tap the witches hump and say "dissendia"; it'll open up to an underground tunnel that leads into the cellar of Honeydukes." As Harry spoke, he traced a line on the map where a tunnel ran off.

Severus nodded; Harry folded up his map, whispered something, and with a tap of his wand, and the map was blank again. After a forlorn look in my direction, he smiled at me, and left the room.

I still sat in Severus's chair, drinking his sickeningly sweet tea. "Do you have to put so much sugar in it?" I asked, taking another drink.

"It's honey, not sugar." He answered and began clearing away plans from our class and began putting up the instructions for the third years. Well, not really putting up. A flick of a wand and a whispered word was all it took. He stopped halfway through and turned back to me. "Draco, are you alright?"

I smiled weakly at him. "I'll manage. I wasn't put into Slytherin for nothing."

He smiled back at me, leaned over, kissed the top of my head. "Go to class. We'll talk later."

I finished his tea, picked up my bag and left, the grim knowledge of what I would have to do later that night thick in my head.

**Harry's POV**

I knew Draco would want to talk to Snape in private, so I didn't wait for him. Instead, I slowly walked to Charms, feeling depressed and heavy. The last thing Draco wanted was to be branded with the Dark Mark, and now; now he's doing it for the DA, and for me.

At dinner, I informed the 'upper DA' as we were calling the six of us (not counting Draco) that we needed to meet immediately.

As soon as dinner had ended, I headed straight for the room of requirement, followed closely by Ron and Hermione. They had noticed during dinner that something was wrong, and had waited until now to ask.

"Harry?" Hermione quickened her pace to match mine. "What's wrong?" Ron hurried to catch up with our breakneck speed through the hallways.

"DA business." I answered shortly. Now is not the time and place to be discussing any kind of information.

When all six of the group was present, I began.

"As you all know, Draco Malfoy has taken to spying for the DA. I have been informed that tonight Voldemort will be giving him the Dark Mark." I let that sink in for a moment. I'd told them on the train already about what new initiates had to do. The group cast their heads in lament for a soldier whose battle had barely begun when I continued.

"This has to be kept strictly secret. I know we're handpicking other students to join the more involved aspect of our group, but-" I trailed off here, thinking of how to word this. "- I think we should take the roles of leaders. We're the inner circle here" I looked at my friends, they nodded in response.

"So About tonight then, and about Malfoy-" Ginny stared, but Hermione cut her off.

"We don't act like anything's happening. I'm sure by now Professor Snape had informed Dumbledore of this development.

"Hermione's right." Ron added. "Besides, it's not like Malfoy will die tonight. Voldemort still needs him to 'lead' his little group of Slytherins."

With that, we adjourned. The air was tense, I could feel it. The whole castle was tense. Weather it was because everyone was now rushing around trying to get ready for the ball, or because I knew, and Draco knew, what was going to happen to him tonight.

_Hold on to me love  
You know I can't stay long  
All I wanted to say was I love you and I'm not afraid_

The ball was loud. Ron and Hermione had gone as chess pieces, the king and queen respectively. Neville had gotten up the nerve to ask Ginny, and they were dressed as cats. I had 'borrowed' a set of Slytherin robes and I was dressed as a Slytherin for this party. A little joke on my part. The robes belonged to Draco.

Thinking about him, about tonight, was wreaking havoc on my nerves. I steered myself outside to breath the fresh night air. The air was cooler out here, not as thick. I took a deep breath and leaned against the stone wall behind me, closing my eyes.

A hand touched my shoulder and I opened my eyes.

Grey eyes looked back at me, inches away. "Harry." He stepped closer to me, placed his hand behind my head and pulled my into a drugging kiss. "I have to go now." He looked over my shoulder, back into the celebration behind us, before looking back in my eyes again. "Harry, I love you, and I'm not afraid of them." His voice shook, and before I could respond, an all-to-brief kiss, and he was gone into the shadows.

"I love you too." I whispered into the darkness.

"Potter, what are you doing out here?" I turned to face the potions master. He glared at me. "Get back inside."

"Yes sir." I answered, feeling numb, knowing that I couldn't take my worry with me, that no one is supposed to know.

_Can you hear me?  
Can you feel me in your arms?_

The rest of the night, every girl I danced with, I pretended that she was him, I ignored my inner turmoil, I mentally told him my feelings as often as I could. I prayed the he could feel me in his heart.

**Draco's POV**

I made my way out of the castle quickly, refusing to look back and see Harry. Once I'd climbed out of the cellar of Honeydukes, I ran to where I was to meet my father. I was early, but he was already there.

"Early Draco? The Dark Lord will appreciate your enthusiasm." The fucking asshole _smiled_ at me like I was someone he actually gave a shit bout.

I raised my chin defiantly. "As a leader, I cannot afford to be lazy Father."

He didn't say another word to me, instead he handed me a copy of _Hogwarts, a History_. A portkey, that's how we were going to travel to our location. As I took it from him, I felt the familiar sensation of something pulling my navel. My world spun, and brought me into theirs.

The room was dingy, dark, and the smell reminded me of unwashed bodies. I wrinkled my nose in disgust. Fucking hell, the Dark Lord works out of _this _shithole? I expected better from him.

"You have brought the boy." A voice hissed from the shadows. My father bowed deeply.

"Yes my Lord. I have brought him and he is ready for you."

I followed my father's example and bowed to the shadow I couldn't see. "It is an honor, my Lord, to enter your service."

_Holding my last breath  
Safe inside myself_

The Dark Lord removed his hood, granting me my first look at his repulsive face. He barely even looked human. I inwardly shuddered, yet kept the cool, emotionless exterior I've seen my father use on so many occasions.

"Draco Malfoy." The Dark lord moved towards me, and I swear the bastard actually _slithered_ across the fucking floor. "Are you prepared to prove you loyalty to me."

It was not a question, but a statement. Fucking Merlin in hell. I hate my father. "I am beyond prepared my Lord." I bowed lower and waited.

By this time, others had joined the room. I couldn't see their faces, they were covered in the white, faceless masks that they all wore, covered in this black robes that even prevented the recognition of male or female.

"Stand." I did as I was ordered. "Remove you robes." The snakelike voice of the Dark Lord hissed in my direction.

I didn't hesitate. I simply removed my school robes until I was standing in my school pants, shirt and shoes.

"Your shirt too." My father whispered when my movements had ceased. I followed his instruction and stood bare-chested in the presence of the Dark Lord and his closest followers.

"Come forward." My feet felt numb as I forced myself to lift them and bring my body directly in front of this human monstrosity who dares call himself the greatest wizard of all times. "Good. Hold out your left arm Draco." My name sounded sick dripping from his lips. Knowing that he was a master of Legilimens, I dared not think of the way my name sounded coming from Harry's lips.

I held out my arm, bare for only a few moments longer. Voldemort reached out to me with one disfigured hand and touched his wand to my skin.

Oh the pain. The unbelievable fucking pain. It was almost worse than having the Crutaicious curse on you longer than ten seconds. But not quite. I ground my teeth together, refusing to cry out in pain. A sign of strength and respect among the Death Eaters. But the white jot pain in my arm refused to stop. Even after the wand tip was removed from my skin the painful sensation lingered.

Still holding myself straight, I looked at this –_person_- before me. He smiled sickly and motioned for me to follow him into another room. I knew what was to happen now. All I could do was shut down my mind while Voldemort took out his sick sexual desires on my body. My only saving grace was the tiny whisper of _Harry_ in the recesses of my mind.

_  
Are all my thoughts of you  
Sweet raptured light it ends here tonight_

My father, the man I'd idolized until recently, didn't even attempt to stop this from happening. I was gong to be broken, used, and then sent back to school. I hated him even more now. How the fuck can someone do this to their own child? I shut myself down and followed the Dark Lord.

**Harry's POV**

It was very late when I returned to the Gryffindor dorms. I'd wandered the halls after the ball; none of the teachers seemed to be patrolling tonight, at all. I double checked the Marauders map, and still, Filtch was on the seventh floor, and all the professors were in their respective quarters. I could tell by the stationary dots that most of them were sleeping. Except for Snape, who appeared to be pacing violently around his room.

Ron was snoring in his bed like usual, the rest of my dorm mates were in a quiet slumber. I sighed and looked down at the map again.

_I'll miss the winter  
A world of fragile things  
Look for me in the white forest  
Hiding in a hollow tree (come find me)_

There, just on the edge of the map, was Draco's dot. He wasn't moving. Panic struck me. Draco had his initiation tonight. He might be hurt.

With that though in my head, I grabbed my invisibility cloak and the map and raced out of the tower.

I ran though the castle, not bothering to stay quiet. I had to get to Draco. I glanced at the map. He still wasn't moving. I raced to the statue of the humped witch; impatiently I tapped the hump and said the password, revealing the opening to the passageway.

I tore into the tunnel at breakneck speed, the invisibility cloak whipped around me, my feet obviously visible. Another glance at the map, only a little further. I tucked the map in my pockets, almost tripping over myself as I came to a screeching halt in front of a broken Draco.

He had blood smeared everywhere, I couldn't tell if it was his or not. He was breathing, but I couldn't tell if he was conscious or not. My heart twisted in my chest and my stomach dropped out from inside me.

"Draco!" I dropped to my knees beside him, afraid to touch him. He groaned. "Draco!" I pulled him half into my lap.

"Harry?" his voice was weak, not at all the strong, firm, and slightly sarcastic tone he usually used. He cracked open his eyes. "Take me to Snape." He managed, closing his eyes again.

Numb inside, I gathered him up, I wrapped the cloak around us in a way Draco would refer to as 'half- assed', and stumbled back through the secret passage.

I couldn't use the map with him in my arms, and I refused to pause long enough in my path to check it. If we got caught, I didn't want to think about it. He wasn't as heavy as I thought he would be, but maybe my state of panic had something to do with that.

I don't remember getting got the dungeons. However, when I found myself there, staring at the empty potions classroom, I realized that I had no idea where Snape would be.

"Draco." I laid him down on the floor and shook him gently. "Draco, you have to open your eyes. You have to tell me where Snape's room is!" Merlin, I'm crying, I hope he can't hear it in my voice; I don't want to scare him. I don't think he knows how bad he looks.

His eyes cracked open. He raised his left arm, I gasped at the sight, blood still flowed from the recently acquired Dark Mark burned into his flesh. Pointing towards Snape's office he forced himself to speak again.

"Behind the bookcase. You have to pull out the copy of _Potions for Dummies_." He closed his eyes again, his breathing becoming labored.

I scooped him up into my arms again. Kicking open the door to Snape's office, I directed myself numbly over to the bookcase. It was easy to locate the yellow cover of the book. I impatiently yanked it out of the bookcase, it swung backwards to reveal a short hallway with three doors.

"Snape!" I kicked open a door. An empty sitting room. Another door. A small kitchenette, also empty. "Snape!" I yelled again, getting ready to kick open the last door.

It swung open before I could; the potions master stood there still dressed from the ball.

Forgetting that I still had the invisibility cloak wrapped around me, I pushed past the professor. He fell into the door, swearing.

"What the hell." He hissed. He spun around wand out. "Who's there?"

A bed occupied a corner of the room. I directed myself towards it, trying not to trip over the piles of books on the floor. I reached in after what seemed like an eternity. I lay Draco on the bed, whisking the cloak off of me as I did so.

"He-" was all I could manage to choke out as Snape brushed past me, dropping to his knees by his godson.

"Shit." He swore again. "Potter." Tuning his attention to me, his features softened. "Go back into my office. There's a cabinet behind my desk with healing potions in it. Bring me as many as you can carry."

I followed his instructions blindly. When I returned, Snape had him undressed and under the covers of the bed. For the first time I've ever seen, Snape was not the calm, collected, greasy git I've known for seven years. His features laced with concern as he checked his godson over. All I could do was stare dumbly at the scene before me, silent tears running down my face.

**Draco's POV**

I can distantly recall Harry finding me in the passage, pointing him to my godfather's chambers, but other than that, nothing after I returned from the Death Eater meeting penetrated my mind.

"Draco, are you awake?" I opened my eyes to see my godfather's face hovering over me.

"I wish I wasn't." I responded. "I feel like-"

"I know." He interjected. "You don't have to tell me."

"It hasn't changed has it." I stated quietly, rather than ask. "I mean the initiation ceremony."

I heard a noise from the other corner of the room. Harry. I don't even have to look, I know it's him.

_  
I know you hear me  
I can taste it in your tears_

"No, it hasn't." Severus answered in an almost whisper.

"He didn't even try to stop them. He just let them take me." I could feel the tears sliding down the sides of my face. I sat up, letting them stream down my cheeks. "My father-" I whispered, "My father just stood there, let it happen."

"I know." Severus whispered. He reached out to me, and I fell into my godfather, sobbing for all I was worth, trying to choke back the words spilling form my lips to no avail.

"It hurt, it fucking hurt, and then-and then-"I cried harder.

"I know." My godfather whispered in return. I felt more wetness on my face and realized that my godfather too, was crying.

For the first time I can remember, because 'Malfoys do not cry', I gave into the tears and sobbed. I let my godfather hold me, creating a wet spot on his robes.

Tears spent, I pulled away from him and looked around the room. Harry sat nearby, tears streaming form his face too. "Harry." His name fell from my lips almost desperately.

_Holding my last breath  
Safe inside myself  
Are all my thoughts of you?  
Sweet raptured light it ends here tonight_

"I'll leave the two of you alone." Severus stood, wiped the tears from his face, and silently left the room.

I stared down at my arm, stared at the mark, the mark that means everything Harry doesn't. "Harry-"

"Don't. Don't make excuses for what they did to you. Don't even think for one second that I'm not going to get them back for what they've done to you." He was shaking.

"Harry don't." I felt like a fucking moron, telling him not to extract vengeance. Hell, _I_ wanted vengeance. "It won't do for you to get all bent out of shape over something we both knew was going to happen." I reached for my clothes on the night table, which someone had cleaned up and folded.

I started dressing, ignoring the pain that still screamed from my movements.

"How can you act like they didn't just- just- _rape you?_" he ground out the last two words like they were poison.

Now dressed I looked at him. "Because I have to." Came my bland reply. "And so do you."

He opened his mouth to argue, realized I was telling the truth, and shut it again. "I didn't mean-"

I half smiled, "- To be a typical Gryffindor who acts before he thinks?"

He looked at the floor sheepishly. "I just want to hurt them for hurting you." He said quietly.

"I know." I stepped closer to him, taking in the way he smelled; a welcome relief from the scent from the dank place I'd been that still clung to my nostrils.

He reached out with his wand hand, the right one, and pushed a few stray strands of hair out of my face. "Are you alright?"

I scowled at the absolute fucking _stupidity_ of that question.

"Okay, dumb question. Are you going to be okay?" he rephrased.

"I'll be fine. I'll need a few days to recover, there's only so much Severus can do." I winced when he accidentally brushed against the fresh, still screaming in pain, Dark Mark on my arm.

"It still hurts, huh?" It wasn't a question really.

"Yes." I hissed, as he touched it again.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, the sound echoed through my godfather's sparse quarters.

"Don't be." I raised my sleeve, allowing him to see the vulgar wound on my left arm. "This-" I pointed to the black stain on my once perfect forearm, "-this is something I choose to do. But unlike my pathetic excuse for a father, I did this to help take Voldemort down from the inside out." I yanked the material back over the blemish, wincing when the material scraped across the sensitive skin.

"You don't have to be so brave by yourself." He looked in my eyes, emerald gaze staring into my soul.

"If I'm not, then who will be 'so brave', as you put it, for me?" Sarcasm dripped from my words unintentionally. I'm feeling wounded, used, battered and defeated. And I'm taking it out on Harry.

"I will." Determined words fell from his lips. He leaned forward and kissed me lightly.

The touch was almost enough to cause me to cry again. I bit back the tears and flung myself into his arms.

"All I could do was think of you, remember how you felt, tasted, how you-"

"It's okay." He held me close, just holding me. I've never had anyone do that before, just hold me. For the first time in a ling time, right here, right now, I felt safe, more importantly, I felt loved.

**Harry's POV**

The walk back to the Gryffindor tower felt like an eternity. My feet felt heavy. It was early morning now, the sun was starting to come up, and I was thankful that today was a Sunday, I could sleep.

I think Draco's a lot stronger than he thinks; I know that I would never be able to act like nothing happened after what he had to go though last night.

Coming to the portrait, I muttered the password, _Blessed Samhain_, and continued my ascent to my dorm. I lay on my bed, still dressed, closed my eyes and tried to let sleep overcome me.

_Closing your eyes to disappear  
You pray your dreams will leave you here  
But still you wake and know the truth  
No one's there_

I've realized that there's no way I can defeat Voldemort if I keep on the same track I 'm on now. I'm not going to get anywhere if I don't start learning how to use some of the spells the Death Eaters themselves will use. The dark majick. I can't afford to be so pure anymore, not when it does things like what happened tonight to the people I love.

There's no more room for fear, no more room for uncertainty. It's started.

_Say goodnight  
Don't be afraid  
Calling me calling me as you fade to black_

A/N:

A much shorter chapter this time, but hells, after how long the last one was, I would think that even you, my readers would thank me.

A few things that have been pointed out to me:

Use of British slang terms- I'm an American, so if I screw something up, please let me know.

Lack of masturbation- I'd just rather not go into the masturbation habits of 17 year old boys.

Now then, to my readers who actually review! THANK YOU!

Blusorami: I hope you enjoy this chapter; it was rather… interesting to say the least, to write.

Rin RavenIce: Ok, no smut for you in this chapter, but this story isn't all bunnies and sunshine you know. I know you love your angst as much as the next person and this chapter is just chock full of it.

Chris: Do you like? I'm such an evil temptress yes?

A little note for you other people who read but don't review………..

YOU SUCK

Now then, if you'd like to stop sucking, leave me a review! I really do appreciate them you know.


	8. Away from the Sun

_**Away From the Sun**_

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, I'm just a spoony Bard.

Warning! Spoilers for books 1-5. I am going to pretend that anything that happens Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince , witch comes out on July 16 (YEA!) , hasn't happened, so don't kick me if something really cool happens in the book and I make no mention of it.

Warning 2! This is gonna be yaoi, that's boys loving boys, so if you don't like the idea of Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter snogging senseless, don't read, and piss off if ya feel the need to flame me for such.

Chapter Eight

**Away From the Sun**

**Draco's POV**

It's been a hellish past few weeks. It's Thanksgiving next week. I've been to five meeting with the Dark Lord and the Death Eaters. Each one worse than the last. Thank fucking Merlin I haven't been raped again. Instead, I've had to clench my jaw tight, refusing to vomit, as they made sport of raping and murdering and eleven year old girl.

I'd had to laugh with them while they discussed the latest idea. Muggle Death Camps, much like the one's the Jews had been kept in during the muggle World War Two. Hermione had told me about the similarities when I revealed the plan to the DA.

_It's down to this_

_I've got to make this life make sense_

_Can anyone tell what I've done_

I'm terrified that at any moment someone will find out what I've been doing. It would be over before I could fucking blink. I feel torn. Not because I believe anything that spills from the Dark Lord's lips in the slightest, no, that's not it at all. It's because I don't want to die. I don't know how Severus has done this for as fucking long as he has.

And guess what the best fucking thing is, and please, note my sarcasm. Harry has decided that the upper DA needs to learn the dark arts. And they've asked me to teach them. Not that I completely disagree with him mind, but his is Harry fucking Potter I'm talking about. He's supposed to be pure, untouched by the dark arts save the scar on his forehead. Not like me, tainted, dirty, used and abused.

They're all learning well, not that I'm surprised in the least. Harry is brilliant, and nothing less can be said for his companions. It's not like I've never taught anyone before. When my dorm mates were younger I used to tutor them as well. This time it's different. I'm teaching the other side this time. I'm not teaching them to torture others, I'm teaching them because Harry has it in his head that for some fucked up reason or another that there's no way he can beat Voldemort without the dark arts. Sadly, I must agree with him.

The junior Death Eater's have been busy with keeping an eye on the Harry and his friends. Not that we've actually learned anything. Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville, Luna and Ginny are all fully aware of what's been going on. There's nothing they can really do, the juniors I mean. They can't seem to figure out that Harry and his friends are still continuing with the DA. I actually think those fucking morons have forgotten about it.

"Mr. Malfoy, ten points from Slytherin for not paying attention. Now will you please answer the question?" McGonagall's voice shot through me, jolting me back to the real world.

I looked at her blankly. She sighed in exasperation. "Another five points for making me repeat the question. Now then, do you know why it is that when you are transfiguring inanimate objects into living beings, the creature's intelligence is diminished?"

I almost snorted at the stupidity of her question. "Of course I know, any one who passed second year should. Objects that are inanimate before they are transfigured into any living thing have less intelligence because it originally has no intelligence to begin with."

"Correct." She turned and continued on with her lecture. I scowled behind her back, absorbing myself back into my thoughts.

**Harry's POV**

The last moth has been kind of insane. I think I know how Dumbledore got all those wrinkles on his face. I bet they're from the first war. All the stress of leading the DA, I mean the upper DA, is starting to wear on me. I give up; it's not the DA that's stressing me out. It's just that I know I have to learn these spells to eventually beat Voldemort, but it's just that by learning them I'm crossing a boundary that I never wanted to cross.

I'm now stepping into the realm of darkness.

_I miss the life_

_I miss the colors of the world_

_Can anyone tell where I am _

I kinda feel like something's died inside me. After my first lesson with Draco, I broke down and cried. I can't imagine doing these things to people. He'd held me then, while I cried. It's been weird between us, just a little.

Since the night he was marked, no I guess it's not he mark that's been keeping us, but the other events that happened that night. But since then, we haven't had sex. Not to say we haven't fooled around a lot (and I do mean a lot). Apparently, I've very skilled at giving head, or so he tells me. We spend hours staring at the dark ceiling of that tiny tower, just talking. We have rule, if one person asks, the other has to answer. Of course Draco manages to answer questions without actually giving an answer.

It's like he's pulling away from me. He shares this openly one day, and the next I have to drag anything out of him. It's frustrating and confusing. It's like he avoids talking about the big things. Childhoods are almost completely ignored unless it's something from after our first days at Hogwarts.

I sighed as I looked up from staring into the fire in the Gryffindor common room. Hermione was sitting opposite me, finishing an essay for Ancient Runes, and Ron was copying Hermione's notes from History of Majick.

"What's up mate?" Ron asked, putting his quill down ad stretching.

"Nothing." I mumbled. Why bother them when I know they've got just as much to worry about, if not more, than I do?

"It is not nothing." Hermione slammed her books down on the table next to her. I jumped in surprise.

"No, really 'Mione, I'm okay." I protested.

She glared down at me. "You don't sleep, you spend all night wandering the castle in your invisibility cloak, you don't talk to either Ron or I or anyone else about what's going on and I damn well know that it's eating you up inside."

"I have not!" I shot at her, annoyed suddenly that she thought she had to play mother hen with me.

She stood, glaring at me. "Don't even start. Damnit Harry! You know damn well what we're doing better than the rest of us. I know you haven't just been learning the same shit we have! It's tearing you up inside and you won't talk to us about it!"

I was suddenly very glad the common room was empty for once.

"You don't even talk to your _boyfriend_ about it and your two _best friends _are both very worried about you!"

I sat there, too shocked to speak as she ranted. Ron stupidly tried to interrupt. "Um, Hermione, I'd really rather you not get me-"

"Shut up Ronald! I have had enough of you agreeing with me about having to help Harry and then balking the second I bring it up to him because you don't like confrontation." She put her hands on her hips, leaned down in both Ron's and my faces and said in a very dangerous tone. "Well guess what? Confrontation is on its way. The war is coming and you don't have the balls to emotionally support the one who understands this the most." She smacked him across the face and stormed up to the girls' dormitory, leaving her books, and two very shocked friends.

"She smacked me." Ron spoke in awesome disbelief as he held a hand to his reddening face.

It wasn't the smack that caught me off guard; I mean Hermione did punch Draco out in third year, but- "She swore." I turned to Ron. "She's really pissed.

We sat and stared at each other for a few minutes before we both scrambled to our feet and head for the stairs to the girls dormitory. Forgetting that boys weren't allowed to be up there, we were halfway up when the stairs transformed into a slide and the alarms went off.

I had a feeling it wasn't the fact that I wasn't talking about it. It was the fact that since we'd been learning the Dark Arts, at least I've been feeling like there's something dark eating me from the inside. Kind of like I'm sinking. And I can't be the only one.

It was Ginny who came down to see who had tried to go up.

She rolled her eyes at us. "Thought you two already knew that boy's aren't allowed up there?"

I rubbed my bum where I'd landed. "We forgot." Standing I glanced back up towards the stairs.

"Gin, get "Mione for me, please?" Ron stayed sitting on the floor where he'd landed.

She sighed again and headed back up the stairs that had re-transformed themselves. She came back down a few moments later, alone and shaking her head. "She won't come down." Then she glared at her older brother. "You made her cry." She shot at him.

She pushed past us, leaving us with the option of only sitting there to wait for her to come down.

_Cause now again I've found myself so far down_

_Away from the sun that shines into the darkest place_

_I'm so far down away from the sun again_

_Away from the sun again _

She didn't come down by dinnertime. We stayed sitting by the stairs, ignoring our grumbling stomachs. Right now, Hermione was right. None of us had talked about the turmoil building inside of us. I mean we're only children and here we have to fight a war. A war that should have been over a long time ago.

In light of our situation; I called an emergency upper DA meeting that night. Ron and I waited in the common room until she finally came down the stairs, answering the call of the DA. Her eyes were still red and puffy. She'd been crying all afternoon.

"Hermione-" I began, but she brushed me off.

"Save it." She pushed past both Ron and I, heading for the portrait.

Ron and I followed about three steps behind her, occasionally directing her with the Marauder's Map. She didn't' look back, simply walked ahead of us with a sense of purpose.

The seven of us met in the Room of Requirement, most of us in our pajamas. Only Ron, Hermione and I were still actually dressed.

My two best friends were the only people not to laugh at Draco. His pajamas were black satin with tiny golden snitches on them.

"Shut up. My plain black ones are in the wash. Besides, these were a birthday gift from Mother." He sat in a comfy chair that the room had provided when I required from it a place where seven people can sit down and talk about the horrible things in our lives comfortably. There was an arrangement of chairs and couches of various shapes, sizes and materials.

Ron and Hermione sat on a corduroy loveseat. Olive green, and slightly worn. It reminded me of something out of the Burrow. Neville sat in a blue velvet overstuffed armchair. Ginny found a recliner to match the loveseat her brother and his girlfriend sat on. Luna perched herself on a barstool. I sat on the floor, leaning against the large leather armchair, reminiscent of the sparse furniture I saw in Snape's quarters, where Draco sat.

Once everyone was comfortable, I looked around at the group. Most of us had circles under our eyes; I could see the stress we were all under.

"We need to talk." I started quietly, my voice getting stronger as I went on. "We haven't talked about what's going on. I mean yeah, we decided as a group that this was the right thing to do, but even if it is the right thing to do, we haven't talked about how it makes us feel." The group looked at the floor, each of us guilty of the same actions. "Look, I don't know about you guys, but I know that all this is tearing me up inside."

Hermione shot up from leaning on the arm of the couch she and Ron shared. _Yes Hermione, I'm going to talk now_. "Look, I know it's not just me. I know were all feeling this." My voice faded away as I looked at my weary companions. It was getting late.

It was Ron who spoke up. "It wasn't even Harry that saw it. It was Hermione." He looked at the young brunet woman beside him and weakly smiled. "I'm sorry 'Mione. I didn't want to burden you, or anyone with what I was going through. I figured that everyone had enough to deal with and didn't need to bother anyone with what was going on."

Neville seemed to just pick up where Ron left off. "I thought it was only me. You know, that I wasn't strong enough to be fighting like this."

Hermione was crying again, this time in relief. Ginny continued where he had stopped. "I've already been too weak and stupid to fight Voldemort once. I mean, what if I can't do this?"

"What will happen to me when I have to kill someone for the first time?" Luna whispered, hands at her sides, clutching the seat of her barstool so hard that her knuckles were white.

"What if- when the- time comes- I can't -do it, and one of -you die because -of me?" Hermione managed between sobs. Ron put an arm around her and pulled her close.

I looked at the floor by my feet. "What if I like it? What happens if I fall into darkness?" I croaked in a whisper.

**Draco's POV**

As they were pouring out these feelings of doubt and pain, I couldn't help but feel somewhat guilty. I was the one who had taught them the things that were causing these feelings.

I know how they feel. I may not be going through the exact same thing as they are. I mean I have been practicing the Dark Arts since I was ten for fucks sake. Right now what's tearing me up inside is this betrayal.

_I'm over this_

_I'm tired of livin' in the dark_

_Can anyone see me down here_

"Does it get better?" Neville asked, hugging himself. The question was pointed, obviously, at me.

"I suppose." I shrugged. "I never really thought about it that much." When Hermione gave me a disbelieving look I scowled at her. "No, Hermione, I didn't think about it. The difference is that I was raised by a whole family of dark wizards and witches. I had a predisposition to the Dark Arts. You'll stop feeling like it's going to consume you as soon as you get a grip on exactly what you want to use it for. When I learned them, I learned them as tradition, as something I was just supposed to know, just in case the occasion should ever arise that I should have to use it."

Looking briefly around at the group of my weary comrades, I let out a breath that I didn't know I'd been holding. "You guys are a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for. I reached down, tangling my fingers briefly in Harry's hair before continuing.

"It's me you should be worried about you know." I'd wanted that to come out sounding at least slightly threatening, but hell no, it had to come out in a raspy, trembling whisper.

"What do you mean Draco?" Hermione pursed her lips in question.

"Shit 'Mione, I'm Draco fucking Malfoy, son of Voldemort's right hand man, son of the richest man in the Wizarding world. First of the second generation to be branded, and don't forget, above all, a Slytherin and Dark Wizard." I sneered at her and Ron on the ratty couch they'd chosen.

"I thought you were past all that." Luna spoke sharply from the bar stool she perched precariously on.

"But it's a hard change, isn't it?" Ginny, the little Weasley half stated, half questioned.

I nodded in response.

"But that's part of the reason why we're doing this right now." Harry twisted on the floor at my feet to look up at me, emerald green pools of mercury liquid swimming with all the confusion that our lives had fallen into. "To get the doubts out on the open. We doubt ourselves and our abilities of handling the Dark Arts, you doubt yourself and you strength in loyalty."

I snorted, all this emotional fluffy, sparkly, hugs and kisses shit makes me uneasy. I'm not sure how to handle it. Seriously think about it. The Malfoy family hasn't ever been known for displays of affection, or discussing things of emotional matters. Not even love was ever an issue with the marriages, to this day they're still arranged, family tradition. When it comes to this, I'm completely lost.

"How the hell does know what our doubts and fears are help us?" I stood, almost stepping on Harry's fingers, and began pacing across the room.

"Stop that." Ron snapped at me. "You'll drive me insane."

"Shut up Weasley!" I shot back, advancing on him. "Who the fuck died and made-" the sound of a girl laughing tore my attention away from the red head in from of me. As I turned, I saw Ginny falling out of her chair in mirth.

I stood unmoving, in confusion. Ron stared at his sister, just as confused as I was. The only person who seemed to be in on the joke was Luna. The rest of us stared in confusion.

"I'm- I'm-so-sorry." She managed between fits of giggles. I stepped away from Ron and sat back in the gorgeous black leather chair. Ginny took a deep breath to calm herself. Luna, true to her fabulous nickname, given to her by Pansy in the girl's first year, simply kept laughing.

"It's just that, I mean you're- as you so eloquently put it- Draco fucking Malfoy, and your wearing black satin pajamas with golden snitches-" here, she glanced down, "-and _footies_ on them, trying to attack my brother. You look ridiculously childlike!" She burst into another set of giggles.

With her explanation, the other Gryffindors began laughing with the red haired young woman and her loony companion. It started slowly at first. Ron started, loud and strong as soon as his sinter and pointed out the ridiculousness of me. Neville followed, and even though Hermione was trying to hold them back, giggles burst through the hands she had clamped over her mouth.

I thought for a moment that at least Harry wasn't laughing at me, until I turned to him. He had his head tucked down into his drawn-up knees; fist stuffed in his mouth as tears of mirth streamed form his eyes.

"Et tu Harry?" I pouted at him, folding my arms in from of me. The group laughed harder. I felt lighter than I had in weeks as a smile spread across my face. Harry looked up at me, and the laughter he'd so desperately tried to hide, came flooding out of him as he caught my smile.

Tension in the room lifted. I can't believe I'm going to admit this, but we've been so fucking involved with worrying about this damn war, and what parts we're going to play in it that we've completely forgotten to live. With this sudden lightening of atmosphere, I took advantage of the situation, tackling Ron. "I said stop laughing at me!' I whacked him with a pillow taken from the corner of the couch where he had been seated.

When Neville jumped on my back, trying to defend his friend, I lost my footing. I fell onto the threadbare couch, Neville on top of me, Ron squished beneath me. Harry was laughing so hard he was having problems breathing. I grinned to myself and looked over my shoulder.

"You know Longbottom; I ain't ever been on bottom… please be gentle with me." I batted my eyelashes at him.

In the Slytherin dorms, this would have caused an all out fist fight. Someone would be getting hurt. Here however, Neville pushed off of me, grabbed a cushion from the chair he'd been sitting in, and smacked me with it. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Harry getting to is feet, confiscating a cushion, and then all fucking hell broke loose in the room.

Cushions flying, I was getting smacked from every direction; all I could think to do was swing my own cushion at whoever I could see. It was fun. I've never fought for fun. I swung, and got hit, and swung again until I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe, and collapsed onto the chair I'd previously sat in.

Still laughing, Ron looked at Harry. "I needed that. I guess your boyfriend's not such a prick after all." Followed by "Ow! 'Mione! Why'd you hit me?"

"Watch your language." She answered between breaths.

When my breathing returned to normal, I reached down to where Harry had returned to sitting and pulled him into the chair with me.

"I've never done that before you know." I said into the quiet of the room.

"Done what?" Luna picked up the hat to her ridiculous pajamas; they were pink with some sort of monster on them.

"Had a pillow fight." I answered softly. I smiled down at Harry in my arms. "It was fun."

He smiled up at me before leaning up and kissing me softly.

"As I was saying, it helps us to know what our doubts and fears are because once we know what they are, we can fight them." Green yes sparkling, he leaned into my chest and looked over his friends.

_The feeling's gone_

_There's nothing left to lift me up_

_Back into the world I know_

I felt better, like some of the weight was off my chest. I sighed. Fucking hell I felt more than just better, I felt great. Strength in conviction stronger, more at ease with situation.

"Thanks, you guys." The words fell from my lips before I could think of stopping them.

"Don't worry about it Malfoy." Ginny helped Neville to his feet. The group was all standing. Body language tells you a lot about people. The body language here was a mutual tiredness, sense of relief, and absolution.

"When did this happen?" The boy she was hauling to his feet questioned, pointing at the sight of Harry sitting in my lap, my arms around him.

"I'll explain later Neville." Harry sighed and nestled further into my chest as I wrapped my arms around him tighter.

"I'm gonna head back to the dorms. Hermione?" Ron stood, straightened his robes, and held a hand out to his girlfriend.

I stared at him in slight disbelief. That was it? We get all fluffy and squishy, have a pillow fight and its all better? "I think I missed something here. Weren't we all just ready to cry our hearts out?"

It was Luna who answered. "Yes. But that's the beauty of it. You get it out of you. You spit the poison, your fears, doubts, everything, into words and other who listen suck that poison from you and make you whole again. Tears and laughter are the best medicine." her eyes had that misty far away look to them, like she was remembering something fond from her past.

"Really." The word escaped my lips softly, almost inaudible. The group was slowly filtering out of the room. Rom and Hermione left with Ginny and Neville. Luna followed shortly after, giving me a wink before she closed the door behind her.

Harry stayed, curled in my lap, head leaning against my chest. "Do you feel better?" he asked.

I thought for a moment. "Oddly enough, I do." I half smiled at him. "Do you Gryffindors deal with all your problems that way? Hold group therapy sessions?"

"Well, not all the Gryffindors do that. It's kinda a Weasley thing." Harry grinned at me. "Still wanna tell me that their whole family is dumb?"

I scowled at him. "Why must you continue to point out the endearing, positive qualities about Weasley and his family?"

Harry groaned. "How on earth can I explain to you that they're the closest thing I've got to a family?"

I leaned further back in the chair, dragging him with me. "I thought you had those muggles." I scowled at the last word. Honestly, to think that he never even knew he was a wizard till he came here to school. Other than that, I know next to nothing about his life before Hogwarts.

"As if." He huffed. He let out a breath I don't think he knew he'd been holding. "They hate me. Always have. I'm a freak of nature and a burden on them."

"Oh." I let that sink in. Before the day of the very first day of Hogwarts, back when we were both eleven years old, when Ron was the first friend he made.

We were silent for a few minutes, while I felt like an ass about the way I treat Ron for the first time Harry first came to me. "I'm sorry."

The room seemed darker now than it had when all seven of us in it. I didn't mind, made the atmosphere more intimate. I ran my fingers through the mess Harry calls hair on his head.

"For what?" he asked, turning to look at me, those green eyes I lose myself in shining.

"For the way I treat Ron, for the fact that the only relatives you have hate you." I answered quietly

"It's not so bad now that they don't lock me in the cupboard." he looked away.

"Cupboard? They locked you in a cupboard?" I stared at him in disbelief, my own father was cruel enough to use the unforgivable curses, even on his own flesh and blood, but to be locked in a closet is fucking shitty.

"Only until I was eleven. Right before I came to Hogwarts."

"No wonder I don't like muggles." I scowled. "Why would they do that to you?"

"Because of the majick, because I'm a wizard. They hate anything to do with majick or wizards." he sighed, and went quiet for a few moments.

""So how come your not worried about me tuning on you?" I blurted.

He half laughed, reminding me briefly of our headmaster. "It's hard to explain, but if you were going to betray us, why would you become so adamantly involved with the DA? Or why would you spend hours in your godfather's personal chambers, discussing personal feelings."

I started to interrupt him, annoyed that he knows of my conversations with Severus, but he continued. "And before you ask, no, I don't listen to what you tell him."

"I-" He continued, regardless of my interruption.

"And you spilled all that in front of all of us." Green eyes shining, he smiled. "Like hell you'd have said what you did if you didn't mean it. It was part of what I required form the room. Verisertum vapors." He grinned.

"Verisertium vapors? Required of the room?" confusion set in as I realized I had no clue what he was talking about.

He blushed a little. "Draco, didn't you notice that the room keeps changing for every meeting?" When I shook my head no, he laughed. "This is the Room of Requirement. It only appears when it's needed, and you have to be specific about things if you need specific things. Tonight, I needed a place where we could talk truthfully, so I asked for Versitersum vapors." He paused. "You're not mad are you?"

I stared at him for a few seconds in shock. "No, actually. It's very Slytherin of you." I let the smile that wanted to spring forth slide onto my face.

"So?" He ventured.

"So what?" I asked, absently, running my fingers through his hair again.

"So do you think you'll be okay?" He didn't look directly at me, but he didn't look away either. I don't blame him. I'm a big risk, I can't be angry with him for being scared and apprehensive.

"So I'll suck it up, play my part, and make sure that no one even suspects for a second how I really feel. That Voldemort is a twisted fuck who needs to die, and that they're all stupid for following him, and I hate my father." Harry smiled at me.

"You know the Verisertum is still working right?" He blurted.

"Obviously." I chuckled. "Otherwise you might have put that a bit more eloquently."

Blushing, he stood. "We should get back to our dorms." He mumbled.

I sighed, knowing that he was right, it was late, and teachers are probably patrolling the halls. "Your right." I took the hand he offered, not letting it go when I rose to my feet.

"Draco?" he turned back towards me as he said it. I pulled on his wrist, bringing him that much closer to me.

"Harry." I brushed a few of the stray hairs that were constantly in his eyes out of the way. My voice nearly cracked, his name clinging to my lips. I stared at his. I stepped closer, still holding his one hand. I brought the fingertips to my lips, kissing hem gently.

He leaned into me then. "I-" he trailed off, whatever thoughts he had obviously as lost to him as mine own.

I released hid fingers, taking his face in my hands, I looked into his eyes. My breath caught in my throat as I stared into the jade depths. They made me dizzy with the desire to kiss him, to capture his lips with mine own and taste the wonder that is Harry Potter. I let my eyes slide shut as my lips descended. His eyes closed, breath brushing against my lips.

_And now again I've found myself so far down_

_Away from the sun that shines into the darkest place_

_That shines to light the way for me _

"Draco." my name but a mere whisper on his lips, my heart started to beat faster.

"Yeah?" though I cold have kicked myself for actually answering.

"If you don't kiss me right now, I will scream." As he spoke, his lips brushed mine.

"I was getting there." I smirked. Damn Verisertum, came the thought before I pressed my mouth against his. He pressed into me, wrapping his arms around me as my hands slid from his face to tangle themselves in his hair.

I swear to fucking Merlin my heart completely stopped beating, breathing wasn't even necessary anymore. His lips were slightly chapped; I could feel the semi-rough texture against the smoothness of my own. His tongue hot and wet and definitely welcomed sliding past my lips. I was lost for moment.

When we broke, foreheads leaning against each other, he spoke. "You know that no matter how hard this gets, I'll still fight."

"And I'll be right there with you." And as the words fell from my lips I knew it was the truth. That's the beauty of Verisertum. Anything that came out of my mouth was going to be the truth. Realizing that this is where I truly stand, I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him to me, his head resting on my chest.

_to find my way back into the arms_

_That care about the ones like me_

_I'm so far down away from the sun again _

A/N: took me long enough. Yeah I know there are people waiting for this. This chapter was kinda dark again…. But what can I say. I love angst. So I'll get to my thank you's and then go start the next chapter. BTW… I will credit all the songs, artists, and albums I use at the end of the story.

Chris: yes stop hassling me. The chapter is finally finished

Rachel leigh: go ahead and ask stupid questions, the only stupid question is an unasked one.

Blusorami: yes, he is a bastard, and the fun isn't over yet.

BlackIce950: blushes thank you! I'll try to start writing faster… but with school and all…… it's hard

And RinRavenIce: did you really? And yeah… it's gonna mess him up a little. You'll see. and stop twitching, I'm writing as fast as I can!

To the rest of you who read but don't review... I guess All I can say is thanks for actually reading! (But more reviews would be nice) so I guess now that thanks are done I get to tell you all to….

Click the little purple button that says review if you love boy smut! (Especially if you like Harry and Draco smut!)


	9. Here Without You

_**Away From the Sun**_

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, I'm just a spoony Bard.

Warning! Spoilers for books 1-5. I am going to pretend that anything that happens Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince , witch comes out on July 16 (YEA!) , hasn't happened, so don't kick me if something really cool happens in the book and I make no mention of it.

Warning 2! This is gonna be yaoi, that's boys loving boys, so if you don't like the idea of Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter snogging senseless, don't read, and piss off if ya feel the need to flame me for such.

**Chapter Nine**

**Here without You**

**Harry's POV**

It wasn't until after Thanksgiving that things started getting worse. Draco's father pulled him out of school a week before the Christmas holidays, telling Dumbledore that there had been a family emergency, Narcissa was ill.

I haven't seen him in three days now, and it feels like an eternity.

_A hundred days have made me older  
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face_

Hermione says I've been moping around the castle. But I guess I kinda have been. I'm just worried is all. Although Lucious did say that Draco would be back after break with the rest of his classmates, I can't help but wonder what's going on. I haven't heard anything from him, though I would assume it's not safe for him to send messages.

"Harry, you have to stop moping or someone will figure it out. I mean honestly, you've been this way since he left." Hermione sighed and closed her book. We were sitting in the common room, Ron, Hermione, Neville, Ginny and I. Ron was sleeping next this girlfriend, head rested on her shoulder, and Neville and Ginny had taken advantage of the situation, and Ginny had finally decided to kiss him. They were currently involved in a pretty good snog session next to the fireplace.

"I can't help it. I haven't heard _anything_. Not even from Dumbledore." I groaned and slouched down further in the chair I was sitting in.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Did you ever think that there might be someone better to talk to about it?"

I frowned, thinking. "Who?"

She rolled her eyes again, typical Hermione. "His _godfather_ maybe?" She said in her usual tone that meant I should have thought of it sooner.

"Honestly Harry, you are so dense sometimes." She picked her book back up and went back to reading. Ancient Runes, I think.

Knowing she was right, I sighed. The only question was, did I really want to go talk to Snape? Deciding that even if I really didn't like the potions master that much, he would probably know how Draco was, I sighed again and stood.

"Wh'r you goin?" Ron mumbled from his spot on the couch.

"To see Snape." I answered bluntly. Then without further explanation, I left the common room and headed down to the dungeons.

The halls were quiet, kinda surprising as it wasn't late at all. I made good time down to Snape's office. The door to his classroom was open; there was a cauldron of something bubbling quietly in the corner. The door to his office was open slightly and I made my way over to it.

I couldn't see him from the doorway without actually opening the door, and the last thing I wanted to do was to invade Snape's lodgings looking for him, even if I did know how to get in there.

I knocked on the half open door and waited. Seconds after, the door opened all the way, and I was standing in front of the potions master.

"Potter." It held the usual distain it always did.

"Professor Snape, I- I was wondering if I cold have a word in private?" It felt weird asking, but I forced myself to anyway. He was probably the only one who could tell me what I wanted to know.

**Draco's POV**

I was livid when my father came to collect me a week before break started, telling Dumbledore some bullshit line about how Mother was ill. I'd known it was a lie from the start. I'd gotten an owl from her the day before.

I was in Malfoy manor currently, getting ready to play the good little Death Eater role. My father was in his study, getting ready as well.

Honestly the only person I feel like I'm betraying anymore is Mother. She's always been there for me, a special bond.

"Draco, honey?" Mother's voice lilted through the room as the door opened.

"Come in Mother." I answered her, turning to the doorway with a smile.

She entered the doorway with her customary smile, the one she saves just for me. "You have an owl from your godfather." Stretching her arm out she traded off the black owl my father had given Severus seven years ago as a gift.

"Thank you." I took Archimedes from her. He hooted at me, nipped my finger affectionately, and held out his leg for me to remove the scroll.

As I unrolled it, mother kissed my cheek. "I'll give you some privacy sweetheart."

"Thank you Mother." I answered absentmindedly. The door clicked shut behind her, and as I glanced at the parchment, I nearly fell over.

The owl may be my godfather's, but the handwriting was Harry's. Holy shit. He'd found a way to communicate with me where no one would read the letters, or question who they came from.

Draco-

I hope this letter finds you well, (I sound like a professor or something). I miss you, and I'm worried about you. What does your dad have you doing that you had to leave? Even the other Junior Death Eaters have no idea, and yes, I've been spying on them. An invisibility cloak comes in handy sometimes. We're having another ball, for Yule. I won't be attending. I really have no reason to go if I can't have you there by my side, and something tells me that your dad wouldn't appreciate it if you showed up attached to my arm in your finest dress robes.

I asked Snape if there was anyway to contact you without your father knowing. Believe me; I was surprised that he actually let me use his personal owl. But at least I know no one will read this letter, and so I can tell you that I ache for you. I miss you so much; I don't even know how to explain it. I just can't wait till I can be back in your arms, and all these lies and deception and war and secrets are over. I don't think I can really explain what you mean to me. I miss you Draco.

Love, Harry

I smiled as I closed the parchment. Severus never liked Harry to begin with, hated his fucking guts was more like it. But something tells me that Severus is starting to warm to him. Could have something to do with the fact that his godson is shagging the Boy-Who-Lived's brains out.

I stashed the letter and vowed I would return post later that night. Archimedes perched in the windowsill and looked at me expectantly.

"I don't have time right now. But if you stay put I'll send you back later." I told him, setting out food and water for the bird.

I sighed as he started drinking. Time for the show.

_  
A thousand lies have made me colder  
And I don't think I can look at this the same _

"Ah young Malfoy." The Dark Lord snaked his way through the crowd of masked Death Eaters to stand in front of me. How the fuck he tells us apart when these robes hide any signs of gender and our faces are covered in white, unpainted Chinese opera masks?

I bowed deeply. "My lord?"

"Stand. You are still keeping tabs on the Potter child and his companions, yes?" It reminded me of my father, the way he spoke. So fucking condescending I felt like a three year old. There really was no question, and no correct way to answer. I stayed silent, but stopped bowing and scraping like the rest of these fools around me.

"Tell me young Malfoy, how is Potter and his friends?" He smiled sickeningly.

I scowled. Death Eaters Don't Smile.

"Potter is a fool and a moron. He has no idea that there are people in the castle joining you. He is of course, wary of Snape, and for damn good reason." I looked Voldemort in the eyes and almost shuddered at the emptiness they held. No love for anything but himself. Even his most faithful and loyal Death Eaters mean nothing to him. "I trust that Severus has kept you informed of the junior group's progress?"

"Of course he has." Then the demented, sick, twisted fuck _smiled_ at me.

"And I am please to say that I approve of your actions. Taking care of our youngest and purest is important."

Bullshit.

"However-" he raised his wand and pointed it at me. "You have neglected to prepare your regiment for any sort of battle." His smile went from approving; to menacing so fast I thought he might _Adava Kedarva_ me on the spot. Oh fuck me. "And I do not tolerate idleness. _Crucio_."

The pain ripped through me like ten thousand knives. I grit my teeth, refusing to scream. It was much more powerful than my father's version of the curse. What felt like an eternity of suffering was actually only mere minutes. He lifted the curse and I nearly fell to the ground in relief. Doing so would have probably insured more pain and I forced myself to stay standing.

"Young Malfoy, you are stronger than I give you credit for. Even your father cannot stay silent for the Crutaicious curse. It is no wonder he plied for your early initiation." He smiled almost sweetly at me, then turned to the rest of the gathering. "The rest of you would do well to learn form young Malfoy here." Turning back to me he stared. "Prepare your regiment, or next time I will not be as lenient."

I bowed again; disgusted with myself that I'm forced to act like everything I hate to make sure that this asshole never again regains full power.

"Thank you My Lord. I will do as asked."

Voldemort turned to my father then. "You have raised a fine son Lucious. I am pleased with you."

Hours later, back at the manor, I threw the thick black robes into the closet and stashed the mask in the trunk I used to keep my toys in when I was a child. Someone knocked on my door. It wasn't Mother. She never knocks.

"Enter." I closed the lid of my trunk and turned to see who had entered my private quarters. My father stood in the doorway.

"A word." It was not a request. He closed the door behind him and sat in the chair next to the fire place. My father hasn't entered my room since I was ten, saying that I was a going to be a man and a man has to be able to keep his secrets private.

I sat on the floor at his feet, like I did many times as a child.

"Father?" I looked up at him.

"I would not normally intrude upon your dwellings son, however-" and for the first time I can remember, my father smiled at me. "Tonight you made me proud."

I'd been waiting to hear those words from his lips since I was old enough to understand speech. They didn't bring any of the happiness I expected. Instead, I was saddened and disappointed that the only way that my father can be proud of me for torturing innocent people, and my ability to lie and take pain. However, I still have a role to play.

I smiled at him. "Thank you Father."

"You have proven tonight hat you truly are worthy of the Malfoy name. I am happy to tell you that as of tomorrow, I will be setting up an account for you at Gringotts with you inheritance."

I blinked. "Sir?"

"Mind, you will not be receiving the estate yet, however, you will be granted a substantial portion of the Malfoy treasure for your very own. Think of it as a reward for your behavior." He smiled at me again, and then ruffled my hair. He hasn't done that since I was three. "Sleep well Draco. There is another gathering in three days. You will be participating in your first raid."

Excitement built, not for the fact of pillaging some defenseless, unsuspecting village, but for the fact that for the first time since my initiation, my father trusted me with valued information. I needed to find out where. I needed to tell Harry.

I didn't hide my excitement knowing my father would misinterpret it. "Where Father? Where are we going?"

"To Hogsmead. It will be quite a blow to Dumbledore when we attack the village just when the students form Hogwarts are shopping for their robes for the Yule Ball." Then he gave me a sad look. "I am sorry that you will be unable to attend the ball, I know how you love to dance."

"It will be fine Father. I would much rather give Mudbloods a run for their money than go to some stupid ball." I grinned at him.

"Goodnight." He stood and left my room silently.

It was too late to do anything about it tonight. I hurt, and tonight I just needed desperately to sleep. Action would have to wait until morning.

I stood form my place on the floor in front of the dying fire. I would have to get a house elf up here in the morning to start it up again. But for now I just needed sleep.

I lay on my bed, fully clothed and closed my eyes.

_All the miles that separate  
Disappear now when I'm dreamin' of your face_

Harry kissed me, fingers tangling in my hair, lips almost bruising with the ferocity of his kiss. I pushed into him, pressing our bodies together, reveling in the way he felt against me, the way he smelled, the taste of his lips.

"Draco…" He pulled away and whispered my name in a husky, desperate voice.

"Harry…" I answered in turn, my breath brushing against his lips. Tilting my head to the side, I traced his lips with my tongue. He gasped in response, crashing his mouth against mine. His fingers fumbling with clasp of my robe, tearing the fabric when it wouldn't give.

He pushed it off my shoulders as I undid the clasp of his own robes, sliding the material off his frame, reveling in the feel of his flesh beneath the cotton of his shirt.

He pushed me over onto the bed, landing on top of me in a tangle of arms and legs, His hands tugged my shirt form my pants, running his palms over my chest, fingers brushing my nipples, making me gasp into his mouth. Buttons flew when he couldn't get his fingers to cooperate and he simply ripped the shirt open.

My hands peeled away the t-shirt that clung to his frame, throwing it carelessly to the floor. Our mouths broke contact when it lifted over his head, but only long enough to remove the offending article of clothing.

"I love you." Words so simple, holding so much promise.

I smiled, "I love you too Harry-"

I woke with a start and groaned. Of all fucking times to wake up.

"Master Draco?" A small voice, obviously belonging to one of our many house elves, invaded my foggy brain. I lifted my head and looked in the direction of the voice. It was Dibby.

"What?" I snapped, annoyed that the perfect dream had been interrupted.

"I'm very sorry to disturb Master Draco, but Dibby was told to tell young Master that his mother would like him to join her for breakfast in the drawing room." The elf bowed to me and backed out of the room. I slammed my head back into he pillow in frustration. I was achingly hard, I needed release.

I slid my hand down into my sleep-wrinkled trousers, unzipping them as I went. I wrapped a hand around myself as I closed my eyes and imagined Harry's face as I stroked myself to a quick release.

When I was finished, I sighed and slid out of bed. At least breakfast with Mother will be good. It's been awhile since I got to spend any time with her.

With the dream still fresh in my memory, the feeling of Harry's lips still on mine, I made my way to the drawing room to greet Mother.

_  
I'm here without you baby  
But you're still on my lonely mind _

_I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time_

"Who is she darling?" Mother poured me another cup of tea, and looked at me expectantly. I almost chocked on my sausage.

"What?" Damn, I'd forgotten Mother was empathic.

"Who is she? This girl that makes you sparkle?" She smiled sweetly at me.

"She does not exist." I answered quickly.

She raised her eyebrows at me. "Draco Lucious Malfoy. Do not lie to me. You're in love with someone. Who is she?"

I sighed. "Like I said Mother, SHE does not exist." I clutched the cup of tea in front of me, attempting to stop myself from shaking. There's not too many important pieces of information Mother keeps from my father. The fact that their son was flaming gay, and in love with Harry Potter, of all fucking people, just might count as important enough to tell Lucious.

Mother set down her tea cup, the realization of what I'd just said finally dawning on her. She opened her mouth to speak, but no sound came out.

"Mother?" I looked at her carefully. She was processing the information quickly. I broke up with Pansy, was moody for a period of time, then all the sudden I (as she puts it) sparkle, yet have no girlfriend.

She cleared her throat and picked up her tea, took a deep drink, set it back on the table and looked at me again.

"So who is he?"

I stared at the food that still sat unfinished on my plate. "Are you sure you want to hear this?" I asked in an almost whisper.

She rolled her eyes, and smiled. "Draco, sweetie, I am not Lucious. To me it doesn't matter that he's a boy. There are other ways to get an heir than impregnate a woman." Her smile became sneaky and mischievous. "So who is he? Tell me about him." She folded her hands under her chin and rested her elbows on the table.

I blushed furiously. "His name is Harry." I answered rather lamely.

He hands dropped to her lap and her eyes went wide. "You mean Potter don't you?" She whispered in shock.

My turn to roll my eyes at her. "Well he _is_ the only Harry there." I picked up my tea as she composed herself again.

"Well then, _that_ explains a lot." She picked up her own tea and drank. Setting the cup in front of her she smiled warmly at me.

I gave her a skeptical look. "And _what_ exactly does that explain?" I asked, eyeing her warily, and speaking in a low voice.

"Your father isn't here, so there is no need for that." She scolded. "And it explains a lot. You have been acting very different since about three weeks before school started. I already know what happened, you godfather knows he can trust me." She gave me sly smile. "You're not the only member of this family that doesn't agree with your father." She paused and looked at me, waiting for the information to sink in.

"WHAT?" came bursting out of my mouth. "You WHAT?"

"Draco, don't shout. I'm right here and I can hear you perfectly fine." Her tone was the same she used when she would scold when I was younger.

"I'm sorry Mother, but- this is- I mean-" I couldn't find any words to describe the bewilderment I felt. "The _fuck_." I rubbed my hands into my eyes and looked at Mother.

"Language Draco." She chided. She was _amused_ by this.

"I'm sorry" I said automatically, still staring at her in shock.

"Don't look so surprised darling. Just because I love your father doesn't mean I have to love what he does." She folded her hands under her chin again, resting her elbows on the table. "So tell me about Harry." She smiled at me as I started telling her about the real Harry Potter.

**Harry's POV**

I sighed for what must have been the hundredth time in the last hour. It was the last day of classes before the holiday break officially began. Ron put his Transfiguration book down and glared at me.

"I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I can't get any studying done at all." Now he sighed, exasperated with me.

"You sound like Hermione." I mumbled.

"Look, you only sent the letter yesterday, I'm sure he got it. And it might take a day for him to respond." Ron threw a pillow at me. We were in the boys dorms, lying on our own respective beds.

__

I'm here without you baby  
But you're still with me in my dreams  
And tonight, there's only you and me. 

To top everything off, I keep dreaming about him. I keep having this dream about the Hogsmead trip the day after tomorrow. I think something bad is going to happen.

I have told Dumbledore, and all he says is that if I see anything more specific in my dreams to warn him. I sighed in frustration and sat up.

"I need to go for a walk." I pulled on my shoes and walked out. I took the stairs two at a time, making sure to skip the trick stairs on the way. The common room was empty, most of the students left for home this afternoon, Ron and I were the only seventh year boys, then there was Hermione for the girls, and Ginny stayed, other than that, there was a couple of underclassmen running around.

I stopped as I passed the fireplace, thinking for a second that I saw someone in the flames.

"The hell?" I muttered, taking a closer look. As I got closer I could make out part of a face. I squinted to try to get a better look.

"Holy shit!" I fell backwards as Draco's head came through the fire.

"Shut up Harry. Someone might hear." He looked vaguely annoyed. "Come closer."

I leaned down to the fireplace until I was almost eye level with him. "What?" I whispered.

"Voldemort is going to be attacking Hogsmead in two days, while you guys are there. Father told me last night; this is the first time I've been able to send word." He sounded rushed, like he'd run to the fireplace.

"This weekend?"

"Yes!" he sounded exasperated now. "How the hell are you the one in charge of a serious part of Voldemort's opposition? Don't answer that."

"Hey!" I shot at him.

"Shut up. I need to you tell Severus immediately. He doesn't know, he wasn't required to be at the last meeting, Voldemort tries to keep him on the down low because he's still a teacher and doesn't want his cover blown."

"Stop!" I raised my hands to shut him up. "You're ranting." He stopped, took a deep breath, looked behind him and smiled.

"I love you Harry." he smiled and vanished from the fireplace before I could respond.

I stood from the hearth, dusted ashes from my robe and took off out the portrait door, ignoring the Fat lady and her friend Violet and their drunken ramblings as I raced down the corridors to Snape's office.

_The miles just keep rollin'  
As the people leave their way to say hello  
I've heard this life is overrated  
But I hope that it gets better as we go. _

"How long ago did he contact you?" Snape turned to a cabinet beside his desk and produced two mugs.

"Maybe ten minutes ago." I panted, still out of breath form my run through the halls.

"Good." He picked up a teapot that had been simmering over a burner he usually had a cauldron on and poured two cups of tea. "Sweet or bitter?" He asked, picking up a jar of honey.

"Sweet please sir." I felt a little odd having tea with Snape, but I felt I really couldn't' refuse the unspoken offer. He put two spoonfuls of honey into each cup and handed one to me while stirred his.

"Sit down." he pointed to a large chair in the corner of his office. I sat, and took a drink of the steaming tea that Snape had given me.

"Um, Professor Snape? Don't you think you should let Dumbledore know as soon as possible?" I asked, uncertain of why the potion's master was still sitting here when there was an attack on the way.

"Yes, I will tell him, however, I cannot have you so flustered running through the hallways. There are still people watching you and you can't be giving away things that you aren't supposed to know. Sit, drink your tea and calm down."

"Yes sir." I took a deep drink of the tea and was mildly surprised to find that it was chamomile. I don't know what I was expecting form him, but it certainly wasn't this.

"And Pot- Harry, I think in light of certain events, you may call me Severus in private." He stood from behind his desk and started towards the doorway. "Finish your tea and return to your dorm. I am heading to speak with the headmaster." He left his office, leaving me alone with a very sweet cup of half finished tea.

_I'm here without you baby  
But you're still on my lonely mind  
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time _

I sat and finished my tea, looking around Snape's office I was surprised to find that he apparently kept an 'organized mess'. Things were haphazardly piled together.

I though about Draco and his relationship with Sn- I mean Severus. (Calling him by his first name is going to take some getting used to.) Severus is- I mean you can really tell he cares about Draco. He's someone important to him. When my mug was empty I set it on his desk and left the room, taking my time as I made my way absently out of the castle.

In two days the first of many battles would take place. I walked slowly towards the lake, thinking about what was going to happen. When I reached the shoreline I stopped, having not realized how long I'd been walking.

The only thing I knew to be absolutely true right now was that life was completely _fucked_ up. And the upper DA needed to get together before this weekend's trip into town. I prayed Draco wouldn't get hurt or caught.

_I'm here without you baby  
But you're still with me in my dreams  
And tonight girl, there's only you and me. _

**Draco's POV**

In two hours I will one of many masked Death Eaters rampaging through Hogsmead and causing as much destruction as I could. I scowled at myself in the mirror I was standing in front of.

"Don't I look fucking _fabulous_." I shot at myself. I sighed. "Time to go play Death Eater of the Year." I mumbled, picking up my mask and walking out of my room.

_Everything I know, and anywhere I go  
It gets hard but it won't take away my love_

People were screaming everywhere I turned, the Slytherin supporters of Voldemort were getting the younger students from the house together and to a safe location. The DA was flinging defense after defense at the Death Eaters attacking them. Some of the older students were guiding younger ones to a safer place. I stood in the center of the Town Square, taking in the carnage around me.

I watched a masked and cloaked Death Eater cast _Adava Kedrava_ on Madame Rosmerta. I cringed inwardly as I pointed my want at a fellow seventh year, a Hufflepuff, hissed the words, and watched boils break open on his face, and I sure as hell know they were also breaking out in other places on his body.

Father said that after the raid we were going to Russia for the holidays and to keep a low profile until I was supposed to be back at school. The idea was that since we were out of the country we had no knowledge of the attack until my return. I was supposed to play the shocked and upset son of the rich man. What a crock of shit.

The carnage raged on, beneath my mask, I cried.

**Harry's POV**

The attack was sudden even though we knew it was coming. There were more professors there than usual, their excuse as that it was the last weekend before we were actually on holiday break.

It broke out when mass numbers of Death Eaters apparated into the center of Hogsmead. Panic broke out form there, sending students, professors, townspeople, and members of the Order running in all different directions.

I don't remember much about the actual _battle_. I cast spells as they came to me; many of them were the ones that the upper DA had been practicing in the Room of Requirement at all odd hours of the night. I picked up students that had tripped over themselves, pushing them towards the safety of the castle.

_  
And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done.  
It gets hard but it won't take away my love _

In the center of the square stood a Death Eater, his wand pointed at McGonagal. I pushed through the crowd, raising my wand as I came within range of the two of them.

"Drop it!" I screamed. "_Stupefy!"_ A red beam shot from my wand, missing the Death Eater by inches. He tuned and faced me instead.

"Potter." My name sounded flat, and he rushed forward, pushing me into a nearby wall. His wand rose again, digging into my throat.

I panicked inside, instead of lifting my wand and casting one of the numerous pain causing spells I've learned recently, I kicked him. My heart pounded in my chest. I kicked out again.

"Looks like Baby Potter isn't such the golden boy after all." He leaned in close, the mouth of his mask inches form my ear. "It's called a wand Harry, use it. Or I'll have to use mine."

I didn't think, I simply raised my wand and whispered "_Protego!_" knocking the Death Eater away. He stood, brushed off his robes, and before I could cast another spell I was grabbed roughly by the arm and dragged towards the castle. I watched behind me as the Death eater I encountered stared after me, and only then did I realize what had happened.

That Death Eater had been Draco.

I shivered and looked to my rescuer and saw Lupin at my side. "Remus where are we going?" I asked as I ran along side him.

"Back to the school. Dumbledore doesn't want any more students injured. Voldemort's followers are scattering. We were well prepared this time." he twisted his head around and caught hold of another student. It was Blaise Zabini. "Come on boys. When we get there, go directly to your common rooms."

He pushed us into the castle doors, where we both stopped as soon as they shut behind us. Blaise stared at me.

"What?" I asked, annoyed and still shaking.

"You were just- I mean- the attack- and then you and that Death Eater-"

I rolled my eyes and started walking away. "Wait!" The black haired boy ran to catch up with me.

"What now?" I asked, starting to now worry about my best friends. I hadn't seen them since right before the attack broke out,

"I just wanted to ask, are you okay? It's just that Draco will kill me if you aren't."

I stopped dead in my tracks. "What?" I asked, unsure of exactly what he meant.

"Are you okay?" he repeated.

"I'm fine. What the hell do you mean Draco will kill you otherwise?" I turned and looked at him.

"I mean Draco told me that I needed to make sure that you didn't get hurt."

I let that sink in for a moment. "You mean _you're_ his Slytherin confidant?" I stared at him for a moment. Draco never told me the name of the person in Slytherin that was, something about protecting their identity.

"Yes. Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine. I-" I just kinda stared at him for a second.

"Good. Go back to your tower." and before I could ask any more questions, he ran down a flight of stairs, making his way to the dungeons.

I ran to the Gryffindor tower, almost screamed the password to the Fat Lady and raced inside to see my friends.

"Ron! Hermione! I shouted, almost tripping over the Creevy brothers.

"Harry! Over here!" Ron's voice pierced through the other Gryffindor students. I made my way over to them quickly.

"You guys are all okay? I asked. The entire upper DA, minus of course, Draco, had gathered in a corner.

"We're all fine. No one that we know of got hurt so far." Hermione answered absently as she was counting heads of younger students. "All Gryffindors are accounted for."

I sighed in relief as we waited to find out how the rest of the school had fared. As we sat in the corner discussing what we could have done better, my mind wandered.

I wonder if Draco got away.

I wonder if he got hurt.

I wonder when I'll hear from him again.

**Draco's POV**

The Order of the Phoenix dispersed the attack quickly. After Lupin tore Harry away from the battle, I twisted my way into the mass of Death Eaters that were retreating and met my father at the rendezvous previously set by him.

"Draco." h e greeted me, removing his mask as he approached. I took my own mask off, glad that it had shielded the expressions of horror that must have shown on my face during the attack.

"Father." I forced myself to smile at him even though my brain was still reeling with the fresh images of the seven Muggle-borns that a group of Death Eaters, my own father was probably one of them, had branded with red hot pokers. I can still smell their burning flesh.

"We go now." He threw his mask aside and dropped the thick black robes. I took his lead, ridding myself of the evidence of my involvement. _ I pray to fucking Merlin that Harry and his friends are all okay._

We apparated to Kings Cross. Lucious had insisted that we use regular transportation so we had proof of an alibi when the ministry came knocking on our door to ask questions. Mother would meet us there.

I sighed as we boarded the train. It would be another week and a half before I knew how Harry had fared. Another week and a half before I could tell him I was okay.

_I'm here without you baby  
But you're still on my lonely mind  
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time _

_I'm here without you baby  
But you're still with me in my dreams  
And tonight girl, there's only you and me_

A/N: wipes sweat off brow I'm leaving in less than 24 hours to fly to China and I desperately wanted to get this chapter written before I left since I won't be back until February. So I do apologize for my lack of detail in the Death Eater raid. I do have the next two chapters planned out. Each one will be the rest of the Christmas holidays, one from Harry's POV and the other from Draco's.

I'm a little disappointed in you people. I only got 2 reviews on my last chapter! You lazy bastards. Well I'm going to give you people a little incentive to review. I will leave this open until the first of February.

I am thinking of giving Snape a lover….. My only dilemma is who it should be. So I'm going to let you people choose. Who will be Snape's lover? Leave me your vote of any characters I haven't paired off yet and whoever gets the most votes will be Severus Snape's love interest. If nobody votes… Snape gets no love. So it's up to you people.

And that's all I have for you for now! I hope to be able to post a new chapter VERY shortly after my return to the U.S.

Hugs and kisses to my reviewers


	10. Here By Me

_**Away From the Sun**_

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, I'm just a spoony Bard.

Warning! Spoilers for books 1-5. I am going to pretend that anything that happens Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince , witch comes out on July 16 (YEA!) , hasn't happened, so don't kick me if something really cool happens in the book and I make no mention of it.

Warning 2! This is gonna be yaoi, that's boys loving boys, so if you don't like the idea of Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter snogging senseless, don't read, and piss off if ya feel the need to flame me for such.

Chapter Ten

Here By Me

Harry's POV

Number twelve Grimmauld place isn't any better than it was when the Order first started using it as their base of operations. I take that back. It's a lot cleaner now. Dumbledore has Dobby come here over the summer months to help clean. Kreacher had hung himself over the summer and his head was currently on display with the rest of his family. It's weird, I know, but it's what he wanted. And I couldn't not give him what he wanted.

_I hope you're doing fine out without me_

'_Cause I'm not doing so good without you_

Snape told me Draco isn't really in Russia like Lucius said they were going to be. Voldemort's been having meetings, there's been another raid. That's two raids in one week. This time it was a muggle town. Hermione's parent's town.

They made it out ok. It took the Order two days to be absolutely positive. Two days where Hermione was doing nothing but pacing and crying in her room here at headquarters.

I'm the only one here right now. Hermione is with her parents, the Weasley's are all at the Burrow where I'll be joining them in a few days, and the rest of the Order have all been assigned to something. I sighed and went back to the book on war strategy that someone had inadvertently left behind during the least Order meeting. I've been doing some research on battle plans for the DA. I think we've come to a point where all the spells in the world won't help us if we can't keep our heads about us to cast them.

The door opened and shut with a crash. I shot to my feet, the book falling to the floor, wand out, and waited.

"Bloody hell." I heard a familiar voice curse. "Where the hell is everyone?"

I recognized the voice and set my wand back on the table next to me. "I'm in here Severus." I sat back down and retrieved my fallen book.

"Potter where is everyone? Weasley, or the mutt?" he looked around the empty room, taking in the lack of chaos around him.

"Everyone's off doing stuff, mostly stuff for the Order." I shrugged. "It's just me here." Then I glared at him. "And stop calling Remus a mutt."

Sn-Severus sneered and sat in the opposite chair. "It doesn't matter; you're the one I was looking for anyway."

"Me?" I furrowed my brow.

"Yes, you." He leaned back and sighed. "Draco says, and I quote, "Tell Harry I love him and I'm okay and I miss him."

"He's okay?" I asked, relieved.

"Yes, he's fine." Severus stood and walked to the rarely used bar in the parlor where we sat. He poured himself a rather large glass of brandy before looking back at me. "Do you want a drink Potter?" he motioned to the shelf decorated with multitudes of whiskeys, bourbons, and other hard liquors.

I blinked. Was he serious? "I'll take a whiskey, no ice." The words slipped out of my mouth before I could even think of stopping myself.

He _was_ serious. He poured me a glass set it in front of me. "What shall we drink to?" he muttered, looking at the glass in his hands as if inspecting the quality of the liquor, who knows, maybe he was.

I thought for a moment, what to toast to? Then it hit me. "To absent friends." I told him. He shot me an unreadable look and raised his glass with me.

"To absent friends." He answered, taking a sip from his glass. I watched him as I drank, the first sip going down like fire, the second one smoothing it out but still leaving a gentle burning in my throat.

Severus didn't say anything for a long time; he sat looking at his glass.

"Is something wrong?" I set down my glass and looked at him.

"Nothing." He snapped his head up. "I was just thinking about something." He turned to me. "Potter, do you mind if I stay around here for a couple days?"

I was shocked. "Um, sure." I suddenly felt a little uneasy, and then I smelled it, and it was way too strong to have come form just the two glasses that had been poured. Snape reeked of liquor.

_The things I thought you'd never know about me_

_Were the things I guess you always understood_

"Are you drunk?" I asked incredulously. I was aware that I vaguely sounded like Mrs. Weasley the one time she caught Ron and me drinking over the summer.

Snape looked back at the glass in his hand. "A little." He admitted. "Do you know how I ended up becoming Draco's godfather?" he asked suddenly, changing the subject.

"No." I had a feeling that Severus Snape was a talkative drunk.

"Narcissa named me godfather. It was right after Voldemort killed your parents. Right after I turned spy for the Order. Narcissa caught me trafficking information. I thought I was dead right then and there. But at the next Death Eater meeting when she said she had something important to announce, instead of announcing I was a traitor, she announced that I would be Draco's godfather. Innit something?" He leaned all the way back in his chair. And looked at me.

"I never gave you the credit you deserve Harry. I'm sorry." I blinked. That's only the second time Severus has used my first name. "And I wanted to say thank you."

"For what?" I asked, confused.

"For giving Draco the love he deserves." He noticed my almost still full glass. "You're not drinking fast enough." He pointed out.

"You want me to get drunk with you?" I stared at him.

Snape sighed. "If you must know, tonight is something I usually share with Draco. But he's not here right now. He thinks you're the greatest thing to ever happen to him, so I figured that since he wasn't here, - oh never mind." Snape took another long drink from his glass, draining it. Pouring himself another he turned to me again.

"Unless of course Potter can't hold his liquor." He smirked.

I grinned and picked up my glass. "You forget, I've been drinking with the Weasley boys." And I slammed the rest of the glass in one fell swoop.

"Not bad Potter." He grabbed the bottle of bourbon for himself, the whiskey for me and sat back in the chair. "Here you are." The brown liquid swirled as Snape refilled my glass. I'm starting to see why Draco likes him so much.

Draco. I remembered Snape had brought me the message. "So you saw him? Is he okay?"

"Draco?" he asked, I nodded. "He's fine. For now at least."

_So how could I have been so blind for all these years?_

_Guess I only see the truth through all this fear,_

_And living without you…_

"For now?" I mentally shuddered, but had to ask, "What do you mean, for now?"

"Well it' common knowledge what Lord Moldyvort does to traitors. He kills them. But yes, for now, Draco is safe and sound."

I took a large drink of my whiskey, draining half of it. "Don't remind me." I muttered. (Did he just say Lord Moldyvort?)

"I should remind you." Severus set down his glass. "Let me tell you a story Potter. About why I began to spy for the Order."

I sat back and drained my glass again, only to have Snape refill it. "Did you know I used to have a sister?"

I blinked. "No, I didn't." I took another drink, my lips starting to go numb from the alcohol.

"Her name was Serena; she was married, and had a daughter." He stopped, took another long drink and stared into his glass. "My niece, she'd be your age now I guess."

"I- what happened to her?" I asked, taking another long drink.

"Voldemort killed them all." He drained his glass and picked up the bottle. This time rather than bothering with the glass he simply raised the bottle to his lip sand drank. "And he didn't stop there, he killed our parents too. The only reason I'm still here is because I was already his servant. He already had me."

I stared at him. He continued talking. "Do you know why he killed them Harry?" I shook my head. "He killed them because she refused to join him. The Dark Lord won't just kill you, no; he'll kill your entire family if it suits him."

"So you went to Dumbledore." I stated this rather than asking. I mean it really was the next logical step for his story.

"No, I didn't go to him, he came to me. Found me locked in my office, drunk as all hell, and forced me to tell him what happened." He looked at me with glassy eyes. "Keep drinking Potter." I obliged, draining the rest of my glass and then joining him in drinking straight from the bottle. I was mostly drunk now, and I knew if I tried to stand up I would probably fall over.

"He made me watch, Voldemort made me watch when he killed the only people I ever loved." He stared at me. "I stayed his true follower for only about two weeks after that. Then, when Dumlydork came to me, I was ready to do everything in my power to get rid of that fucking bastard." He spat the last part out with malice.

"Severus, I- I really don't know what to say. I never knew."

"Of course you didn't. It's not like I announce my past to my students." He stood suddenly, almost falling over in the process. "I need to piss." He muttered and disappeared, only to return a few minutes later.

"Let's talk about something else." He practically flopped into the chair and I laughed at him. "Think I'm funny do you?"

"I never thought I'd see the day when I got drunk with you. You know Ron, Hermione and I used to refer to you as the greasy git?"

He snorted. "You three would. But I don't want to talk about that. I want to talk about Draco."

"Draco?" I furrowed my brow in confusion.

"Yes Draco. My godson, your boyfriend. Draco." He took another long drink, then looked at the bottle. "Fuck. I'm drunk. But yes, I want to talk about Draco."

I followed suit and took a large drink from the bottle, making Severus stare at me when a few bubbles filtered through the dark brown liquor. "What?" I asked him when I was done. "I did tell you I've been drinking with the Weasley boys." We both laughed. "Now what about Draco? I mean what about Draco do you want to talk about?"

"I don't know. You pick" he drank again, his bottle now three quarters gone.

I thought for a second. "I want to know exactly what he's facing." Severus stared at me hard.

"Are you sure?" he asked. "It's not pretty."

I nodded. "I need to know. You said it earlier, I need to be reminded." I sat up straighter and blinked as the world shifted around me.

"If Draco manages to pull this off, he will have to do things that you cannot even fathom, horrible things involving pain and blood. For the slightest show of mercy he himself will be punished." Severus's voice was cold and flat. I continued to drink as he spoke. "Pain and torture will become a normal thing in his life. Both the giving and receiving end. If Draco gets caught-"he took a deep breath. "If Draco gets caught, it will be much worse. If he's lucky, they'll kill him. If he isn't-"he stopped talking and looked up at me.

"I think I got your point."

"My turn to pick something." The potions master looked thoughtful for a moment before taking another drink. "Tell me what exactly you and your little friends are doing in the Room of Requirement."

"You mean you don't know?" I was surprised. "Draco didn't tell you?"

"The way he tells it, the DA is simply assisting in the destruction of Voldemort and his followers by keeping tabs on the junior Death Eaters."

I laughed. It struck me then that Draco had been serious that he wasn't part of the Order of the Phoenix at all.

"That's not all we do. We also are currently training ourselves in combat tactics and practicing defensive and offensive spells. We are training for war in other words." I spat the last part out bitterly.

Severus looked at me somberly. "And it is a war." He quietly agreed. "Too bad the Ministry is incompetent and the Order isn't "Ministry approved", so to speak. Every action they are involved in is technically illegal."

"Fucking Voldemort." I swore. We sat silent for a while, staring into the flames of the fireplace.

"I want to help." Severus spoke suddenly, switching his gaze from the fire to me. "Let me tell your leaders what the Order of the Phoenix actually knows. It's only fair that you should know what's going on since you're the one who has to take out Voldemort in the end."

I changed the subject then. "Do you think I'd make a good Auror?" I asked.

He laughed. "Harry, I think that if you don't play professional Quittich, you will either become an Auror, with ease, or take the position of Professor of the Defense Against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts."

Things started to fade around me. "Sev, I'm pissed. Time for me to pass out." The Potions Master didn't move. I peered closely at him. He'd passed out in the chair. "Sev?" I poke his shoulder harder than I thought and sent him sprawling to the floor. Okay, I went to poke his shoulder and ended up punching him instead.

"Fuck! What in the name of Morpheus was that for?"

I laughed in repose and dragged him to his feet, both of us tripping over ourselves up the stairs. Once we'd reached the top, laughing at each other's drunken stupidity, I pointed him to one of the unused guest rooms. After falling over laughing at him trying to open the door the wrong way, I stumbled into my own room, stripped myself of my robes and fell face first into my bed, yanked the covers half over me and passed out.

Woke up with my head pounding. I groaned and rolled over. The pounding continued. I could swear I heard someone saying my name as well.

"Harry wake up!" The shrill voice pierced through me as the door opened. I couldn't discern who it was other than it was a girl with my head still pounding, not as loudly now that the mystery woman had opened my door.

"Go away." I muttered.

"Harry get up." This time I understood who was talking to me.

"Hermione? I thought you were with your parents." I sat up, holding my head in my hands. "I think I drank too much." I muttered.

"You're hung over? Harry!" she scolded, hands on her hips.

"Miss Granger, though I am sure your friend appreciates you being here, I doubt that in his current state he wishes for you to speak." Severus's voice quietly interjected. He held a small vial out to me. "Drink this, you'll feel better."

I took the potion he offered and downed it. I couldn't really taste it considering I had that nasty cat shit in my mouth taste after waking up with a hangover, but seconds later I was feeling marginally better. "Thanks Severus."

He half smiled at me from behind Hermione and left the room. I could smell breakfast downstairs. "'Mione? What are you doing here? I thought you were with your parents?" I repeated.

"I was with my parents. Dumbledore came last night and said that they could stay here until things were normal again. That way Voldemort can't find them. And the Weasleys are here too. Molly's making breakfast." She looked around my room and handed me my robes from the floor. "But I think you might want to go dresses and not in your birthday suit."

I looked down and realized that I was butt naked and my covers were almost completely off. "Well I'm not going to get dressed with you standing over me." I shot at her, feeling slightly embarrassed.

She rolled her eyes at me and left the room. I yanked my robes on and headed out the door where she was still waiting for me. "If the Weasleys are here, where's Ron?" I asked, rubbing the lat of the sleep out of my eyes.

"Eating breakfast. I told him to stay down there because he was about to go nuts because Snape's here. Why is he here Harry?"

I chuckled. "Snape and I have come to an understanding." I told her as we descended the stairs.

"There you are mate! Maybe you can tell me what the hell is going on! OW!"

"Language Ronald." His mother scolded my best friend.

"Sorry Mum." He turned back to me, face full of curiosity. "So what's Snape doing here?"

"He needed a place to crash." Was all I said but I gave him the look that clearly meant 'I'll tell you later'.

As if on cue Severus entered the kitchen. "It smells good in here." He absently commented. As he sat down Mrs. Weasley put a plate in front of him piled high with pancakes, eggs, bacon, and toast.

"Well don't just stare at it! Eat up!" She smiled as her family, Hermione's family and Severus dug into breakfast. I joined them at the table and Mrs. Weasley plunked a plate in front of me, commanding me to eat.

_And everything I had in this world_

_And all that I'll ever be_

_It could all fall down around me._

_Just as long as I have you,_

_Right here by me._

During breakfast, Lupin showed up, followed by a few other members from the Order sowed up. I ate in silence while my makeshift family made merry and even included Severus in the jokes and conversation.

After we had all eaten, Ron, Hermione and I headed upstairs so the adults could talk 'Order Business'. Ron held Hermione's hand and the two of them followed me into my room.

"Are you going to tell us what's going on?" Hermione dropped Ron's hand, placed both hands on her hips and assumed her 'bossy stance'. "You were dinking all night, Snape is _nice_ to you, your silent all during breakfast end even looked like you were about to cry! What in the name of Merlin is going on Harry!"

"Let's just say that Snape and I have come to an understanding between us. Ron, you should see hat man drink, he could put Fred and George under the table."

Hermione's jaw dropped and Ron stared at me like I'd grown another head. "You sat up drinking with _Snape_?" Ron gaped.

I nodded. "I also realized something last night. If we all don't stop bickering among each other over stupid petty differences, we're not going to get anywhere."

Hermione frowned. "I thought we couldn't trust Snape."

Shrugging I answered "Things change, and now that I know the whole story, I trust him as much as Dumbledore does. Look, you guys are my family, _all_ of you are my family and I'd give everything I have to make sure all of us come out of this safe."

Ron continued to stare at me. "You're starting to sound like Dumbledore." He shook his head at me. I chuckled in response.

**Draco's POV**

Lucius had said we were going to Russia. Instead I found myself rampaging the countryside clad in thick, black robes and faceless white masks. I knew the one town we had destroyed, a muggle town, was the town that Hermione's parents lived in. I jus hope that they made it out ok. I really have no way to contact anybody on the outside. I managed to send Severus with a message to Harry, but I can't guarantee it'll get there. Especially with what time of the year it is.

There's been a lot of activity around the Death Eater camps. I think Voldemort's planning something huge, but I don't know what. The only thing I can think of is that he's starting his plans for the attack on Hogwarts.

_I can't take another day without you_

'_Cause baby, I could never make it on my own_

_I've been waiting so long, just to hold you_

_And be back in your arms where I belong_

I'm not sure how much more of this I can take. All the death and destruction that follow in the wake of the Death Eaters is sickening. If I hadn't doubted Voldemort and his plans being right in the first place, I would for sure now. I've watched him torture some of his most loyal followers for no other reason than things weren't going exactly how he wanted.

It seems like forever now since I departed from Hogwarts. Forever since the last time I saw Harry, kissed him, held him, anything. What I wouldn't give to back with him right now instead of in the snake pit forcing myself to laugh as they mutilate the dead bodies of a muggle family.

_Sorry I can't always find the words to say_

_But everything I've ever know gets swept away_

_Inside of your love…_

I wish I'd known sooner what I know now. Then maybe I could've stayed away form this whole mess… but I didn't know, and now here I am. Ever since I began to realize what Harry meant to me, I've been a little lost. Playing both sides of the field isn't exactly fun and I don't know when or if I might be found out.

I sighed as the 'party' ended, pulled my mask from my face and turned around to leave. As I did, I ran directly into the last person, let me rephrase, _thing_ I ever wanted to see.

"Lord Voldemort." I bowed in greeting.

"Ah, young Malfoy, I hope you are enjoying yourself." He sent a twisted smile in my direction.

"I am My Lord." I answered dutifully.

"I have something perhaps you could help me with." He placed a hand on my shoulder, guiding me away from the rest of the group. I heard my aunt, Bellatrix loudly whispering something about how lucky I was to have the Dark Lord's attention.

Once we were a decent distance form the rest of the camp, Voldemort turned to me. "You my son have been more loyal than I expected. Because of this you have earned a special privilege." I raised my eyebrows but didn't say anything. He continued speaking, "I want you to join the meeting of the inner circle tonight. Being my junior leader I wish for you to know of the upcoming events, so that you may ready your charges."

I bowed deeply. "This is an unexpected honor my lord."

Voldemort patted my head as if I was some pet that had preformed a trick. "You are dismissed."

As I walked away I scowled and headed for my mother's tent. At least there I know I can get some peace to think things over.

My mother greeted me with a kiss on the cheek. "Is everything well?" Her voice was laced in concern that only I could distinguish.

"Fine." I snapped. "I've just been invited into the inner circle." I threw my mask across the tent and tore off the thick black robes. "He teats me like I'm his fucking pet."

"Watch your language!" Mother snapped at me. "Besides, you do now what this means?"

"It means that I'm in even deeper than I thought." I sighed and flopped onto her bed, taking in the comforting smell.

"Better he think of you as a pet than a traitor." She snapped. "Severus is expecting a report from you." She left the tent, giving me the privacy to write my godfather.

_And everything I had in this world_

_And all that I'll ever be_

_It could all fall down around me._

_Just as long as I have you,_

_Right here by me._

Sev-

I've been invited to join the inner circle. I think it's come to the time for Hogwarts. Nothing is for certain yet. I will know more tomorrow. Tell Harry that when I return we need to meet… all of us. Until then, I remain entrapped.

Draco

I tied the letter to Archimedes' leg and sent him on his way. I sighed and flopped back on the bed. What the fuck have I gotten myself into? The only thing I'm absolutely sure of right now is that I would do this all over again. Even if everything blows up in my face, I know I'm doing the right thing.

**Harry's POV**

Christmas day brought Number 12 Grimmauld place a mess of people in the house. The entire Weasley clan, minus Percy was there, and the entire Order as well. Severus was still around and I must say I'm a little surprised at his level of involvement in what the rest of the Order has been referring to as 'a Weasley Christmas'. I heard Lupin call it that once to Severus.

Things are better the last few days. I've actually even seen Severus smile at a few people I'd never thought he'd smile at. Though time lately seems to be passing at a crawl. Everyday seems longer, and every night I wonder if Draco has made it through another day of his charade.

_As the days grow long I see_

_That time is standing still for me_

_When you're not here_

Tomorrow is Christmas. I only wonder what the day will have in store for Draco. With where he's at and what's been going on, it can be nothing good.

"Harry! Dinner!" Mrs. Weasley called me from downstairs. "Hurry up!"

I headed down, Thoughts still racing trough my head about the DA, the Order, and the Death Eaters. Things are starting o come to a peak. The level of stress around here could be cut with a knife. It'll all happen soon. I know it. Even though the Occlumency has helped me shut out all the false visions of what is yet to come, I still occasionally feel him through my scar.

The thing that bothers me most is that people I love might not make it out of this alive. Ron and Hermione for example, my best friend and my brother, they've finally realized what I've known for three years, they belong together. They deserve to make it, deserve a chance to love each other, get married, and have a whole passel of redheaded children. Lupin, who has already lost his three best friends in the world to this war, he deserves to find someone to love. He'd make a great dad. Severus too, he deserves happiness and peace after all he's been through.

When I entered the dining room Hermione frowned at me. "Is something on your mind Harry?"

_Sorry I can't always find the words to say_

_Everything I've ever known gets swept away_

_Inside of your love_

I wanted to tell her yes, I wanted to tell her how unfair I thought this entire war was to everyone. Instead I told her "Not really, just thinking."

"Well you really shouldn't let you bring yourself down you know. Mrs. Weasley has invited the entire Order for dinner tonight. Fred and George tell us that Lupin has been flirting with Tonks an awful lot lately. Ron's made a bet with them that he can get them stuck under the mistletoe tonight." She grinned at me. I'm betting right along with him."

"How much are you betting?" I asked my redheaded comrade, my negative thoughts temporarily banished.

"Three knuts." He answered contemplating his next chess move. He'd found a new and rather challenging partner in Severus.

"Count me in." I told them. I watched the game continue until Mrs. Weasley came over and told them to put it away and eat dinner.

The table was full. There were quite a few people I didn't recognize and even more that I did. The entire Weasley family was there, minus Percy of course, Lupin and Tonks, Severus sitting next to Madame Pomfrey, Dumbledore, McGonagall, Flitwick, Sprout, and some people I knew by name only. It was a loud festivous occasion. Lupin did end up kissing Tonks, winning Ron, Hermione and I three Knuts each. But what surprised me most was when Severus kissed Madame Pomfrey when the clock struck midnight. It was officially Christmas; the only person I was missing was Draco. However, tonight I knew that everything would be all right. Because no mater how hard Voldemort tries to squash it, there is still love in this world.

_And everything I had in this world_

_And all that I'll ever be_

_It could all fall down around me._

_Just as long as I have you,_

_Right here by me._

A/N I am so very very very sorry this took me sooooooooo fucking long to finish. I'd explain but you all prolly'd just think I was making excuses… So anyway. Her is the Chapter. Since I only had two people make suggestions about who Snape should get with I decided that he was going to have Madame Pomfrey, If you think about it, the books never said howold she was, I mean granted yeah she's older that Snape but still… older women know somethings younger women don't… lol please leave me a review, even if it is just to yell at me for my lack of updates. And BTW… I decided only to do the one chapter for the holiday break.


	11. Running out of Days

_**Away From the Sun**_

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, I'm just a spoony Bard.

Warning!!!! Spoilers for books 1-5. I am going to pretend that anything that happens Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince , witch comes out on July 16 (YEA!!!!!) , hasn't happened, so don't kick me if something really cool happens in the book and I make no mention of it.

Warning 2!! This is gonna be yaoi, that's boys loving boys, so if you don't like the idea of Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter snogging senseless, don't read, and piss off if ya feel the need to flame me for such.

**Chapter Eleven **

**Running Out of Days**

**Harry's POV**

The first night back at Hogwarts I took out the invisibility cloak and headed for the tiny tower. I hadn't seen him on the train and during dinner he'd kept looking at me. I knew he'd be there.

"Hello Harry." He was staring out the window, illuminated by the full moon that hung in the sky.

"I've missed you." I told him as I pulled the cloak off me. He turned, smiling.

"I missed you too." He looked tired.

"You okay?" I stepped towards him. He shot off the bench and wrapped in his arms, enveloping me in a bruising kiss.

"I am now."

"Tomorrow Severus is going to meet with the DA and discuss-"

"Not tonight Harry. Let's pretend, just for tonight that this war isn't happening, that there's no Voldemort, no raids, and that we're just two normal seventeen year old boys meeting in a forgotten tower because where else are we supposed to make love without being caught." His fingertips brushed over my face, almost as if he were trying to commit my features to memory.

I smirked at him, "Where else are we supposed to make love? The Room of Requirement of course. It can even give us an actual _bed_ instead of this hard floor.

"Then what are we waiting for? Let's go find that bed."

We raced through the hallways, wrapped haphazardly in my invisibility cloak up to the seventh floor. We got the door to appear and before even looking at what the room had given us, Draco's mouth was on mine again, pushing the door open, kicking it shut behind us as we tumbled onto a soft bed.

We laughed at each other when we got tangled in the bed hangings. I found myself pinned beneath the comfortable weight of Draco's body as he pressed me into the bed, mouth trailing heat down my neck. His hands already had the clasp of my robed undone and his deft fingers were undoing the buttons on my shirt.

"Merlin Harry, you could help me." He cursed as a button eluded him.

"Help you? I think your doing fine on your own." I breathed. "But I could help you with this." I bit down on his neck, my own hands finding clasps and buttons and releasing them. Shirtless, our bodies pressed together, I kicked off my shoes, and Draco stopped for a long moment to follow.

"Don't stop." I grabbed his hair, pulling him into me, kissing him with everything I had.

"Wasn't planning on it." He muttered.

When the zipper of my pants stuck he let out an explosive curse. "Fuck! Get these fucking things off of you so I can touch you."

I laughed at him, helping him with the zipper before I tackled his own pants.

Hot skin against hot skin. I wrapped my legs around him, silently begging him to take me. He seemed more intent on driving me insane for the moment. His lips, hands, tongue tracing over the muscles of my body.

"Damnit Draco, you-" He cut me off with a kiss. I wrapped my arms around him tighter, lifting my hips to rub my hardness against his. That was the final straw; he hoisted my legs higher and presses into me so slowly I thought I'd explode before he was even completely inside me.

Unlike our first time together, this was slow, almost torture to my senses, each stroke bringing me higher, until we both burst.

We lay there afterwards, still wrapped up in each other, his face pressed against my shoulder until our breathing returned to normal. Only then did he pull away from me, glancing around the room.

"Wow, Harry, look at this place." He whispered. I followed his gaze over the huge four post bed clad in red satin across the candlelight room to the huge glass window where the moon shone in as brightly as the sun.

"Wow." I whispered in echo. I turned back to him and wrapped my arms around him. "We should take advantage of this. Stay with me?" I pulled him back down to the bed so he was lying half across me.

"With a request like that, how could I not?" He smiled down at me, pulling the covers over us.

_There's too much work and I'm spent _

_Too much pressure and I'm bent_

We were late to breakfast the next morning, my fault really. He was getting out of bed when I pulled him back in for another session of lovemaking. By the time I got to the Great Hall breakfast was half over. I simply went wearing yesterday's robes. Draco on the other hand decided-

"It simply won't do for a man of my stature to enter the Great Hall in such a state of dishevelment."

So Draco didn't even make it to breakfast.

"And where were you all last night?" Hermione asked, a mischievous glint in her eyes. I responded with a grin and began to eat so I'd at least have some food in me before class.

When classes were over, I called the DA and we met as usual in the Room of Requirement. This time Severus met with us. As promised he was there to inform us of what he knew about the Order of the Phoenix. We learned that as of this moment, we were probably more informed of what Voldemort was planning. That was confirmed when Draco reported to us what he learned now being part of Voldemort's inner circle.

Apparently, he was already in the planning stages of the attack on Hogwarts. He'd found a crack in the wards that protected the school and in a matter of weeks he would be setting his plan in motion.

_I got no time to move ahead _

_Have you heard one thing that I've said? _

I was shocked. Did we have time to prepare for the attack? Were we ready to plunge headlong into battle, knowing that not all of us might make it?

"Harry, are you listing to me?" Hermione sounded slightly annoyed.

"I'm sorry 'Mione, it's just that this is all rather unsettling." I shook my head. "Things are getting real serious, real fast."

"I know, that's why I asked you what you thought we should do." She leaned against Ron, looking hopefully at me.

I sighed. "I think it's time we declared ourselves to the Order of the Phoenix." I turned to Severus. "Severus Snape, will you be The DA's liaison to the Order?"

He blinked twice. "Yes."

"Where do they meet?" Ginny asked him.

"Dumbledore's office."

"When?" Ron continued.

"We have a meeting tomorrow evening after dinner." He sighed. "But I have a feeling this isn't going to go over very well with some of the members."

"I don't care." I shot. "Dumbledore has spent too much time treating us as if we are still children. None of us have had that luxury since fifth year when we watched Sirius die."

"I agree with Harry." Neville stood up. "Ever since the incident at the Ministry none of us have been children. That was the day we were forced to grow up."

"It's time." Luna interjected. "It's time for us to take the part that we've been preparing for."

"Sev, will you meet us outside the Great Hall after dinner tomorrow and take us with you to the meeting?" Draco asked. "I don't think Dumbledore can refuse us entrance if we come with you rather than just showing up ion our own."

"I'll be there."

After that I called the meeting to a close, thinking that the next mass DA meeting would be a strategy meeting. We needed to brush up on our dueling skills, or even better, we needed to try our hand at a mock battle. There is still so much to be done, and so little time.

_And all these little things in life_

_They all create this haze _

_There's too many things to get done_

_And I'm running out of days_

**Draco's POV**

It was about time Harry called Dumbledore out. The DA was ready to go. After dinner ended, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville, Ginny, Luna and myself met my godfather outside the Great Hall.

"Are you ready?" He asked, looking us over.

"Yes." Harry seemed sure of himself and though I had put in place a calm and collected mask, I was a mess inside. There was a good chance that Dumbledore and the rest of the Order would laugh us out of his office, not realizing what we're doing. A better chance that once I show my mark, doubts will rise and from there, nothing said will be believed. This had to go according to plan if we were going to pull this off.

"Headmaster, may I announce Mr. Harry Potter and his associates." Severus played the part of liaison rather well. Harry extended his hand to Dumbledore, and in turn each of us introduced ourselves to the Headmaster and the rest of the Order as if we were meeting for the very first time.

"Hello Harry, what can I do for you today? I hope it's nothing too serious as I have a meeting to conduct." The Headmaster sat back in his chair and looked us over. I felt like he was trying to pry into our heads to see what was ticking.

"Headmaster, Severus is here with us to act as a liaison for the DA to the Order of the Phoenix. I think you'll find we have many things to discuss." Harry sounded professional as he took a seat next to Remus Lupin. The rest of us sat close to him.

The headmaster blinked at this. "The DA? I thought you'd disbanded?"

"Not in the least Sir. We have been busier than ever with the situation at hand."

"Harry, I highly doubt that the situation at hand has much to do with children." He produced more tea cups and provided us each with a cup of steaming tea.

Before Harry could answer I interjected. "You see Headmaster, that is where you fail. We are no longer children, and have not been for quite some time, yet you insist on treating us as if we are."

Hermione, as if hitting her cue perfectly set down her cup. "We did make some mistakes in the past, yes, but we were still children then. We haven't been children since the night at the ministry, at least most of us. I don't think Harry has been a child since the end of fourth year."

"I see." Dumbledore sipped his tea, looking at us curiously. "So you come to me today as adults then?"

"Don't patronize us." I snapped. "For once in your life, listen to us before you start saying ignorant things."

"Draco!" Harry glared at me. Turning back to the headmaster he answered. "Though Draco is right, and before you start making assumptions, any of you-" here he looked at the rest of the Order that was present, "please listen to us. The DA is here to announce their cooperation with the Order of the Phoenix. Do not get yourselves confused, we are not joining you, however we have decided that since time is running short, we should be working _with_ each other rather than separately."

This time I could see that Dumbledore was choosing his words very carefully. "Time is running short?"

"The DA has inside access to Voldemort's inner circle and from what we understand he is beginning to mobilize his attack here on Hogwarts. I'm sure you have heard brief things dealing with Voldemort's plans as of late?" Dumbledore nodded. "Severus has been working with us for quite some time now. What information he has passed on was vitally important. However, there are a great deal many other things that the students have been dealing with that you yourselves have not been."

"Inside access?? Albus, what are they talking about?" Professor McGonagall appeared worried.

"It's all right Minerva. I believe they are about to explain to us." The headmaster looked at me curiously.

I stood, faced the whole lot of them and lifted my left sleeve. "Voldemort branded me on Halloween. The only people who knew about it besides Voldemort and his inner circle are standing in this room. Severus knew, as did the leaders of the DA. Over the Christmas holidays, I was invited to join Voldemort's inner circle. Being the Leader of his junior squad here at school has given me a great advantage on knowing what that bastards' been up to. I was the one who set word of the attack on Hogsmead."

The room went silent. I lowered my sleeve and took my seat again. I heard a few whispers around the room. They were speculating on the attack in town, speculating on my mark, speculating on the DA itself.

Finally Dumbledore spoke again. "Severus, why did you keep this a secret from me?"

"The boy is my godson. He only allowed himself to be marked for the simple reason that by doing so he could pass inside information to the DA. Since at the time you believed the DA to be immaterial to our cause, I said nothing. A besides, I could not risk you outing him to the entire school. His cover would have been blown and Voldemort would have killed him." Severus looked over at me and gave me a smile no one else would catch.

"Professor Snape was kind enough to be our link to you, without your knowledge, and without interfering." Harry stood for my godfather.

_And I can't last here for so long _

_I feel this current it's so strong_

"Albus they're just kids." Lupin cut in.

"No, I believe Mr. Malfoy was correct. They have not been children for some time now." The headmaster spoke softly, looking intently at the seven of us.

"The DA is trained in defensive and offensive spells. We have studied strategy-" Ginny started.

"And right now we probably know more about what's going on at his school than you do." Her brother finished.

I felt like every single member of the Order was staring at me. I couldn't take much more of this room at the moment. I leaned over and whispered to Harry. "Let's cut this short. I think we made our point."

Dumbledore glanced at Harry, looking at him as if he'd just met someone new and was trying at read them. "So the seven of you are here to…?"

Harry stood. "The seven of us are here to inform you that the DA is a functional militia ready to assist the Order of the Phoenix when the time comes. Until that time we would appreciate it greatly if important information arises that we be informed. We will do the same for you."

The headmaster sighed. "I suppose I knew it would come to this. Harry, the DA has the full support of the Order and we will be happy to assist you."

The rest of us stood. Harry nodded and turned to us. "I believe we have imposed enough for now. We all have homework to do."

As we left, I could hear McGonagall arguing with the headmaster about our involvement. Still insisting we were 'only children'. When Dumbledore's office door snicked shut behind us I let out a breath of relief.

"Glad that's over." I loosened my tie and looked at the rest of the group. "I better get going before someone in my house sees me. I still have a junior Death Eater meeting to conduct tonight."

"Good luck." Hermione said, turning with her two best friends the other way down the hall.

"I'll see you later Draco." Harry smiled at me, grabbed my arm and pulled me in for a brief kiss. "In the tower?"

"I'll be there." I smirked.

_It gets me further down the line _

_It gets me closer to the light _

"That was so disgusting." Ron shot as soon as he thought I was out of audible range. "I so did not need to see my best mate kissing Malfoy."

"Give it up Ron." Hermione laughed as they turned the corner and out of hearing.

**Harry's POV**

The next few days were a flurry of meetings. DA meetings, meetings with the Order, and Draco's meetings with the Death Eaters. There was a lot of work to do.

We had informed Dumbledore of the situation in full, spent the last two meetings of the DA discussing strategy and setting up mock battles, and tension was running high.

"Harry, do you think the Headmaster's told my mum what we've been up to?" Ron asked me. We were taking a few moments to relax and catch up on some of our homework in the common room.

"Well she hasn't sent you a howler yet." I answered. "Hey, have you finished your Charms homework yet?"

"Here." He handed me his essay.

"Do the two of you really think Ron's mother would be as stupid to send a howler to him knowing that there are junior Death Eaters in the school that would instantly inform their master of what we're doing? Honestly. And when are the two of you ever going to do your own homework instead of copying off each other?" Hermione sighed loudly.

"Hey, we at least do half!" Ron stated indignantly. "We just do different halves and then trade!"

"Yeah Hermione, we can't all be geniuses like you." I joked. "Besides, what will it matter who did who's work after we take the N.E.W.T.S.? Those scores are ours and ours alone. Besides, it's not like we don't have to _read_ each other's work to copy it. So we _are_ learning."

She rolled her eyes at us. "I cannot even begin to tell you how wrong that logic is."

"Then don't. Harry, I think you screwed this up. I don't think the Disillusionment charm has anything to do with Malfoy's arse."

Hermione looked disgusted as I reached for the parchment. "What? I don't remember writing about Draco's arse."

"Boys." Was all she said.

_All these little things in life _

_They all create this haze _

_There's too many things to get done_

_And I'm running out of days_

Later that night I sat in my bed, watching the Marauder's Map, a habit I'd gotten into over the past year. Mostly due to what I'd dubbed 'Draco Watching', but tonight he was nowhere on the map. That meant only one thing. Voldemort had called. I scoured the map again. The dot labeled _Severus Snape_ was also missing. I slid out of my bed, slipping my feet into my shoes and making my way over to Ron's bed.

"Ron." I opened the curtains and shook the lump. "Ron get up."

The lump moaned and half of it moved. A hand snaked out of the covers and pulled them down past a bushy head and sleepy brown eyes,

"Hermione?" I stepped back as she sat up, blankets falling around her wait, displaying her naked breasts and announcing to me that they were probably both that way.

"Harry?" She answered sleepily. "What are you doing in the-" she dropped off, realizing where she was and instantly yanked the covers back over her chest. "Ron!! Ronald Weasley wake up!!" She pushed the rest of the lump in the bed next to her.

"Wha?"

I spotted their robes on the floor just inside the curtains and threw them at the two of them. "I'll have to tease you later about this. Right now I think I'm gonna need your help. Get up and get dressed."

Hermione snapped the curtains shut and I heard the sounds of cloth being moved around hurriedly. When they opened, my two best friends, albeit a little disheveled, quickly followed me out to the common room.

"What's going on?" Ron rubbed his eyes and yawned.

I shot a glance around he common room just to make sure it was empty. "I think there's a Death Eater meeting gong on right now."

Hermione frowned. "Harry honestly, how can you be sure?"

"Because both Draco and Snape are-" Blinding pain shot through my scar and I hissed.

"Harry?" As Ron started to reach towards me my vision blurred and for a second everything went black.

_With all these little things in life _

_They all create this haze _

_And now I'm running out of time_

_I can't see through this haze _

My servants stood before me. I was pleased. Mcnair had found the weakness in Hogwarts defenses.

"Malfoy." My voice a rasp, I called forth my favored servant. "Come tell me again what it is you told me yesterday. I wish for all of them to hear it."

Lucius Malfoy stepped out of the sea of black robes, pulling his hood and mask as he came forward.

"My Lord." He bowed at my feet. "We have a traitor among us."

I sneered, and for a second nothing seemed right. I shouldn't be here.

"A traitor? How interesting." Almost parseltounge now, I wasn't saying this was I? "Tell me Malfoy. Tell me who the traitor is and I shall reward you."

Malfoy drew himself up to full height. "Snape. Snape is a traitor. He has been working with that fool Dumbledore." He turned to the rest of the Death Eaters. "Isn't that so, Severus?"

I gasped for breath as the common room came back into focus around me. "Voldemort knows about Snape."

_My friend tell me why _

_It has to be this way _

_There's too many things to get done _

_And I'm running out of days_

AN: OMFG I am so incredibly sorry that I have taken SO FUCKING LONG to post this chapter. Unfortunately this was my senior year of college and I got sidetracked with my senior thesis, I am also in the middle of trying to plan my wedding so please please please forgive me. And I will love you forever if my old readers continue and my new readers review. Make my day… click the little purple button….. I know you want to


	12. Chapter 12 Live For Today

_**.Away From the Sun**_

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, I'm just a spoony Bard.

Warning!!!! Spoilers for books 1-5.

Wrote this PRE HBP and I might end up incorporating some parts of the rest of JK's story in here

Warning 2!! This is gonna be yaoi, that's boys loving boys, so if you don't like the idea of Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter snogging senseless, don't read, and piss off if ya feel the need to flame me for such.

***** This is a special chapter people!!!!!! This chapter includes POV's not found previously in this fic!!****

**Chapter Twelve**

**Live for Today**

**Severus Snape's POV**

My heart stopped beating as the Dark Lord turned his gaze towards me. His red eyes glinting maliciously as he smiled, no, not really a smile, but a twisted effigy of what a smile should be.

"Long have I doubted you Severus. And now, my most loyal of followers, my right hand, tells me you have betrayed us all. Tell me Lucius, what proof do you have against Severus?" His narrow, reddened eyes never left me.

"My Lord, Miss Parkinson reports to me that she stumbled across Snape speaking with none other than Harry Potter about upcoming plans of yours." Lucius bowed gracefully, regardless of how little attention Voldemort was paying him.

I silently cursed. With Pansy being Lucius's informant Draco will be punished for being unable to point me out himself.

"And Severus, have you anything to say in your defense? Dare you deny the accusations against you?" The twisted effigy of a smile hadn't left his face and I slipped my hand into my robes.

_Show me the road and I will find my own  
You build your bridges and I'll burn em down  
So far away and all alone I roam  
I'll take my chances in the here and now_

I bowed, hand still searching the inside of my robes for the secret I'd kept hidden there. I only needed a few more seconds. "My Lord, do you believe that I would betray you after all you have done for me?" My fingers closed around the small item, my salvation from this place, the small skeleton key turned portkey that was my escape.

"Ah but Severus, I also do not believe that Malfoy has the audacity to lie to me either. Certainly not when he knows his own son is now in question of loyalty for failing to pass this information himself." The Dark Lord's twisted smile faded. He raised his wand, directing it towards me.

'My lord, if I may?" Draco's voice echoed through the chamber as he stepped forward and removed his mask. Voldemort paused, turning his head to the direction of my godson.

What foolishness does Draco have planned? Surely he doesn't think-

"You may speak young Malfoy."

_  
And all you wonder is who's for sale, well you wont know now and I won't tell  
you're always hiding throwing up your hands  
while heroes ride again_

"I have, perhaps, another explanation to this announcement. No doubt that Pansy _did_ tell my father she saw Severus speaking with Potter. However, I should also inform you that Potter has been usually-persistant- in attempting to force Severus to reveal something to confirm his suspicions concerning the direction of his loyalties. I believe that Parkinson mistook what she overheard. Combine that with the fact she is still angry with me for having broken up with her, knowing that if Severus were a traitor that *I* would be the one punished for his lies." Draco sneered. "And if it is not too presumptuous of me to say so My Lord, you are far too intelligent to have allowed him to stay in your services if you believed your doubts had any merit to them."

Voldemort laughed, I loosened the death grip I had placed on my portkey.

"You make a valid point young Malfoy. Come here." The soft command was not ignored and Draco made his way to stand beside me in front of the Dark Lord. "Severus."

"Yes My Lord?"

_  
And god only knows all the places I've been  
But I love this life that I'm living in  
I wont look back to regret yesterday  
we're not handed tomorrow so I'll live for today_

I was, for once, grateful for the stifling back robes. They hid the tremble I knew must have overtaken me.

"Severus I wish for you to punish Malfoy senior for making allegations against you he cannot prove." Voldemort turned to Lucius. "You will give me your wand so that you cannot retaliate."

I released a breath I had not been aware I'd been holding. "My Lord, I thank you." I bowed deeply, withdrew my wand and raised it to Lucius.

"_Crucio!_" Malfoy's screams danced off the walls, making their volume increase ten fold. Draco had still not moved from his spot beside me, not even glancing at his father who writhed in pain on the floor.

Voldemort had noticed this. "Draco." His said his name as if it were a fine wine rolling over his tongue that he wanted to savor. "Draco, does it not bother you that your father is being punished?"

Draco looked mildly surprised. "My Lord?"

"Are you not upset that your father is in pain?" Voldemort almost looked concerned.

"My lord, if my father had checked to see if his information was correct before bringing accusations to you, then he would not be being punished. It is his own fault for displeasing you."

"Or perhaps young Malfoy this is your vengeance for his discretion involved in your initiation? As unprepared as you were for our time alone together I gathered he had not told you. It is not often that my followers come to me untouched." As focused as I was on my torture of Lucius, trading the Cruciatus curse for _Intesti Flagrante *_ I could not see the expression on the Dark Lord's face.

"No My Lord, I had not been told. Nor do I regret it. If it pleases you to take your servants in such a manner to prove their subservience then that is what you must do." The boy was far to cavalier in the mention of his rape to my liking and I switched curses on his father again, this time to a rather nasty one that caused blisters to swell and then pop, heal over, and swell again in some of the most uncomfortable places.

Voldemort stood. "Severus, you may stop." I lowered my wand as the Dark Lord made his way towards Lucius to examine the damage I had inflicted. "Always so careful Severus, not to leave any permanent damage, yet exceedingly effective in proving your point." He glanced sharply over his shoulder at a few of the gathered. "Thomas, take Lucius away and take care of his injuries. We cannot have him returning to his home is such disarray." Almost gliding he made his way returning to where Draco and I stood. He reached out one long, pale hand and caressed Draco's cheek. Proudly I must say that Draco did not turn away from it, instead he almost leaned into it, as if savoring this kind gesture. "Severus, you also neglected to inform young Malfoy what was expected of him, did you not?"

"I admit that it did not cross my mind." I bowed, as if in shame. Truth be told the shame was there. I had neglected to tell him, not simply because I hadn't thought to, but also because of the true humiliation I suffered during my own initiation.

"Perhaps you were jealous Severus? To this day, not only were you the first to come to me _truly_ untouched, but you have also been the _only_ to *enjoy* yourself." His hand dropped from Draco's face as he turned towards me. "Tell me Severus, has there ever been anyone else?"

Oh how I wished for the suffocating Chinese theater mask as my face flamed. "No, My lord, there has been no one."

"I thought not." He whirled away, back to his chair. Reaching behind he produced a silver bowl, runic spell I could not read covering the outside, and a white handles ritual knife. "Step forward Severus."

I walked three paces, stopped, and bowed again.

"So formal! I do enjoy formality, and you, you have such niceties down to an art do you not?" This question was a rhetorical one. I learned long ago when a question was one to be answered and when it was not a question but an observation. Though I was glad for the distance between my godson and myself. I do not think I could stand it if waves of either silent pity or disgust were directed at me for the sordid details of mine own initiation eve.

"Remove your robes Severus." He chucked, "And as you do, tell me why in all these years you have not taken a lover?"

Buttons, so many buttons. I suddenly wished there were less of them on my robes, my coat, my vest, my shirt.

"My Lord, I have not taken a lover for many reasons. One being that I spend a majority of the year in a castle with naught but children and wizards much older than myself. Another being that I have not found anyone who could possibly live to my standards. Yet another, my Lord is that who has ever wanted to so much as touch me? I am no beauty by any standards." I let my own bitterness resound in my last statement. Finally the last button was undone and I stood bare-chested before Voldemort and the other Death Eaters gathered at this particular meeting.

"No beauty? Ah, Severus, you are sadly mistaken. Shall I tell you what I see?" Voldemort placed the bowl back down at the foot of his chair and swept towards me. "Alabaster skin, so pale the moon herself should be jealous. Raven hair, it would be as fine as silk threads if it were not for your work in potions. Liquid onyx eyes, black fathomless depths one could lose themselves in for all eternity. "Fingers beneath my chin, forcing my gaze towards the mutated face that once was a handsome man. "Your skin is soft, smooth, flawless." His fingers traced over my cheekbones, down my long nose. "Even your nose is beautiful Severus. Dignified, elegant." Those same fingers traveled down the length of my neck, across my shoulders, down my chest. The scars that littered the flesh there, silvery white against a pale background. Scars from battle. A hex scar across my chest, the length of it starting mid-breast on my right side, narrowing to a tiny line just short of my left nipple, a knife scar between my fourth and fifth rib on my left. "Even your flaws, symbols of your service to me, are beautiful. I am about to add to your collection Severus. Step to my seat." Those same long, cold fingers found their purchase on my lower back and half pushed me to the throne like chair standing head of the room. "Kneel Severus. Raise your arms, palms up."

Hopelessness took me. My emergency portkey was in the pockets of my robes, now puddles near Draco's feet. I could do naught but obey.

_  
Another day and yet another's done spending a life living with in the past  
I'll take the chance before the chance has gone  
You never know when it'll be your last  
_

Voldemort began speaking in Gaelic, words I did not understand. The silver blade of the knife came swooping down, slicing open my upturned wrists. I watched, almost mesmerized and blood first beaded on the wounds, then gathered and streamed down my arms in tiny rivers, pooling in the crooks of my elbows before dripping off into the gleaming silver bowl beneath.

Seconds seemed like hours, and only after my vision bean to blur and only the sheer force of my will kept me upright did Voldemort wrap cloths around my wrists, allowing Draco to catch me as I tumbled.

"Take him back to his gilded cage young Malfoy. I will call both of you again soon." Words, barely registered as a dismissal, echoed in my brain. I felt my robes being wrapped around me, the thickness from the wool chasing away some of the chill that had settled into my flesh. I regarded the sensation of being half carried, half dragged back to the apparition point as a dream shortly before blackness overtook me.

Dumbledore's POV

I was still awake when Harry and his friends came crashing into my office.

"Professor! I have-"

I held my hand up. "Harry, it is not necessary to shout."

The young man before me blushed. "Sorry. But it *is* important."

I nodded, gathering mugs for tea. "Continue."

"I had-a-a well I guess you could call it a vision. Of Voldemort."

My attention fully captured I set the kettle on the hearth. Looking at him sharply I frowned. Severus has been working diligently with the boy for over a year now; he himself had assured me that Harry's Occlumency was incredibly powerful. "You were not Occluding?"

He frowned. "No I was. It came through anyway. More like he was projecting. Like he _wanted_ me to know. But sir, that's not the important part. Voldemort knows about Sev-Snape."

I shook my head. This was something I'd been expecting. It seemed that now Voldemort was aware of the connection to Harry, he was attempting to exploit it in his favor. Should we run to Severus's rescue, his accusations would be confirmed. However, if the projection was unintentional, leaving the situation alone could very well end up in the death of a man who has become very dear to my heart.

"Sir?" my thoughts were interrupted by Hermione's timid injection. "Sir what do you want us to do?"

_  
But still you wonder who's for sale, well you wont know now and I wont tell  
Your always hiding throwing up your hands  
While heroes ride again_

I thought, the possibilities were few, and only one truly seemed to make any sense. "Harry." I tested the name on my tongue. "Yes, Harry, I have an idea." I turned back towards the tea kettle, now warm form the fire. While I poured apple tea for each of us, placing a few drops of Calming Draught in the cup I would offer to Harry, I let the infant idea become mature as I talked it out. "Severus tells me you have become an excellent Occlumens. So much that he has begun to teach you Legillimacy. Do you think-" I turned, placing the drugged cup deliberately into the hands of my young protégé, handing his two companions their own cups, frowning slightly when I noticed that Hermione seemed to be wearing on of Ron's sweaters- "Do you think that you could Occlude and Legilimate at the same time?"

Harry blinked. "I don't know sir; I've never tried it before. I suppose I could try."

I smiled in encouragement. "Use me then, as your test subject. Only, my theory requires something a bit more difficult. Allow me to step into the other room."

"But sir!" Ron jumped to his feet. "Doesn't Legillimacy require eye contact? If Harry can't see you then-"

"I am quite aware of what the skill requires Mr. Weasley. And though you are correct in normal circumstances, when subjects have had any relationship between them, a bond, for example, a grandfatherly figure? then visual contact Is not always necessary." I smirked, the smirk Severus refers to as _twinkling_.

"Oh." Snippets of the whispers between the three comrades reminded me that these were no longer children who would simply do as I asked because I asked.

"If he's thinking what I think he is-"

"Yes it's dangerous but-"

"I'm not even sure if it will work-"

"If it does though-"

Heads turned my direction. "I'll try it sir."

I let loose breath I hadn't been aware I was holding. "Very well. When I have closed the door behind me, you may begin." I left the room, entering the hallway between my personal quarters and my office, the door snicking shut behind me. Dredging up memories of Harry's parents and locking away any other thoughts I waited. Minutes passed; from the other room I could hear a hushed voice. I couldn't distinguish the words. But the voice was Harry's. I opened the door and walked back into the room

"Good Merlin that's creepy!" Harry shook his head. "A warning you were coming back in might've been nice."

"Harry! It really worked!" Hermione hugged him.

Rising my eyebrows I watched them. Ron gaped at his friend; Hermione was beside herself with excitement. "Harry I think I know what Dumbledore was trying to get at when he made the suggestion. I mean if it really works then you can actually find out exactly what Voldemort's doing right now! We'll know for sure if Snape's in trouble!"

Harry turned to his friend, picked up his tea and took a long drink. He turned back to me. "I think it worked sir. I knew you were thinking about my parents, but I also knew you were waiting. I could hear that you heard me telling Ron and Hermione everything I saw, but that you couldn't' quite hear what I was saying, and when you walked back into the room I actually saw myself sitting here." He took another drink. "And I know you drugged my tea with Calming Draught."

His grin forced a chuckle from me. "I did. And when you are ready Harry, I would like for you to try to do the same thing to Lord Voldemort." My words were grave, carrying, I hoped, the severity of what I requested from him.

_And god only knows all the places I've been  
But I love this life that I'm living in  
I wont look back to regret yesterday  
Were not handed tomorrow so I'll live for today  
_

Harry nodded, drew in a deep breath and closed his eyes.

"Perhaps you were jealous Severus? To this day, not only were you the first to come to me _truly_ untouched, but you have also been the _only_ to *enjoy* yourself. Tell me Severus, has there ever been anyone else?" The voice issuing from Harry's lips reminiscent of the voice that occurred when Sybil gave prophecy.

"I thought not. Step forward Severus."

"So formal! I do enjoy formality, and you, you have such niceties down to an art do you not ? Remove your robes Severus, and as you do, tell me why in all these years you have not taken a lover?"

Pauses between words made me believe that there were actions taking place between, or even answers to the questions posed.

"No beauty? Ah, Severus, you are sadly mistaken. Shall I tell you what I see? Alabaster skin, so pale the moon herself should be jealous. Raven hair, it would be as fine as silk threads if it were not for your work in potions. Liquid onyx eyes, black fathomless depths one could lose themselves in for all eternity. Your skin is soft, smooth, flawless. even your nose is beautiful Severus. Dignified, elegant. Even your flaws, symbols of your service to me, are beautiful. I am about to add to your collection Severus. Step to my seat. Kneel Severus. Raise your arms, palms up."

The words that poured forth next made me jerk forward in my chair. Ancient Gaelic, the beginning part of a spell. A spell to break powerful wards. Wards such as the ones that protected the school. I did not hear the rest of Harry's ramble. Catching only snippets of the end before the effort became to great for him and he passed out. "Return him to his gilded cage…."

I sat stunned as Ron revived his friend. Harry's eyes bloodshot, his hands trembling he reached for his tea again. He glanced into his mug and set it aside.

"Sir, if you would, can I forgo the tea and just have the calming draught?" Even his voice shook.

I nodded, reaching into my desk for the vial. He downed it quickly; closing his eyes at it took effect.

"Ron, Hermione, I need you to do two things."

"Anything mate." Hermione nodded her agreement.

I watched this exchange with interest. It seemed Harry had already decided on a course of action and I was curious to see what it might be.

"I'm going to assume that Hermione is nodding… I can almost hear her head rattling." Harry's attempt to lighten the mood worked. Both his companions broke into sheepish smiles as he opened his eyes.

"First, everything I said, when I was in Voldemort's head, and I mean everything, is not ever, ever, ever to be repeated. The things Voldemort said about Severus are very personal and he does not need to know that we know. Promise me." He looked hard at them, Ron especially.

"I promise.' In perfect unison.

"I mean it Ron, when he's being an utter bastard to you tomorrow in class, you cannot and I mean it CANNOT throw ANY of this back at him. It would tear him apart."

'I know. I won't. I promise." Ron looked mildly hurt that his friend would make such an accusation to him, and I wondered why Harry felt the need to point it out extra to him.

"Harry, the second thing?" Hermione grabbed Ron's hand so hard her knuckles turned white and her boyfriend winced.

"Two," Harry stood, "Two would be that once Draco is out of range from Voldemort and can apparate he'll be bringing Severus to Hogsmead. Assuming he knows about it, Rosmerta used to have a Floo open to Dumbledore's office, to here. He'll be bringing Snape here. I need you to go to his office; behind his desk is a cabinet full of healing potions. We'll need as many as you can carry and see if he has any blood replenishing potions in there as well. Get him a clean change of clothes; his quarters are behind his office-"Harry continued to issue instructions, including how to get into Severus's quarters. Pride swelled in me. This young man had grown up immensely in the past two years. And though proud of him I am, it makes me a little sad to know the reasons behind his maturity are grim, desperate and wreaked with despair.

_  
We'll know when we run out of time until its all over with  
And there'll be no where to run  
We'll never say it but we're over out heads and we're drowning inside with all the things we've said  
_

When his friends had gone, racing down the corridors to the dungeons, haphazardly wrapped in Harry's father's invisibility cloak, he turned to me.

"Headmaster-"

I stopped him, holding up my hand, "Tonight Harry, I'm simply Albus, another General in this war."

He half smiled, accepting oddly phrased praise. "Normally I wouldn't impose on your office like this but can you transfigure the chairs into a couch while I work on some blankets?"

"Of course Harry." As we set to work he began asking questions.

"How'd you know the Legillimacy thing would work?"

"A theory. You see you can see into Voldemort's mind when he is not focused on blocking you out. He can send you false visions. I believe it works the other way around as well, that you may sometimes send him thoughts without knowing. You are linked through your scar, and you do have a rather personal relationship with him. He killed your parents, and on a number of times has attempted to kill you. A positive relationship, I think not, nevertheless, a personal one. Therefore it would deem that you should be able to step into his mind should you put forth the effort to do so. Occluding while you do so is simply a precaution to ensure he doesn't know you are there."

Once we had the room set up as an impromptu infirmary I turned to Harry. "Now there are a few questions I must ask you." Harry nodded.

"I'll answer best I can."

"Did Voldemort have a silver bowl, one with possibly runic symbols cast over it?"

"Yeah, he had that, and a knife. He sliced open Snape's writs; put the blood in the bowl."

"Did Severus resist in any way?"

"No. Should he have? I mean I know that Voldemort needed the blood to be given freely to him. He wasn't thinking about what it was for-"

"It is for breaking the wards on the school."

Eyes wide, he opened his mouth to say something else but at that moment the fire in the fireplace spun green, tiny sparks emitting from it. Draco Malfoy's voice coming in over the flames.

"I need help! I can't get him myself!"

I nodded to Harry. He jumped to his feet and stepped into the fireplace. Moments later, both Harry and Draco stepped through the grate, cradling between them the unconscious body of Severus Snape.

"He's lost a lot of blood."

"We know." Harry helped Draco guide Severus to the newly transfigured couch.

"How?"

"Later Mr. Malfoy. For now let's focus on the matter at hand." I looked down at the pale figure on my couch. Blood leaked form around his shirt and coat, which had been used as makeshift bandages to stem the flow of blood.

"I've tried everything I know, they won't stop. He needs-"

The door burst again, Hermione and Ron, Cloak draped over an arm, laden with vials streamed into the room. They unloaded potions on my desk.

"We got everything we could carry. He keeps quite a pharmacy in there." Hermione picked up a blue vial, throwing it to Harry. He uncorked it.

"Draco lift his head. We need to get him to drink this." The blonde man, shaking, lifted his godfather's shoulders, sliding himself beneath to give proper leverage. "Open his mouth; once I get this in him I need you to work his throat. 'Mione, blood replenishing next, and if there happens to be a numbing potion in there that'd be great."

The four of them worked quickly. It was once they got the wounds on Severus's wrists to stop bleeding Harry turned to me. "Albus, some more of that tea would be great." He glanced at his mug meaningfully. His thoughts clear as a bell. Calming Draught.

Bleeding stopped, Harry and Draco set to stripping Severus down, keeping his modesty by wrapping him in a blanket while Hermione heated some water to wash the blood from his skin. Ron went through every pocket on Snape's robes, pants, jacket, vest and shirt, removing personal items, and anything else that might be in his pockets, placing them neatly on my desk.

Once cleaned, Hermione never blushing at washing down her mostly nude professor, Ron conjured some bandages and began to gently wrap them around Severus's wrists while Harry and Draco began to dress him in his nightclothes.

I felt useless. Watching them work with such efficiency renewed my argument with Minerva that these were no longer children. But by realizing this, I have more faith in the militia named Dumbledore's Army in honor of myself. If I can judge by the efficiency of just a few of their leaders, the rest of them will be quite a force to be reckoned with.

Merlin only knows how much longer we have before the day of reckoning is upon us.

__

And god only knows all the places I've been  
But I love this life that I'm living in  
I wont look back to regret yesterday  
Were not handed tomorrow so I'll live for today

_* Intesti Flagrante- _Another curse I made up. It burns your insides.


End file.
